Brennan's Marathons

Children of the Corn franchise

Episode 4: "The Best Flu Ever! (w/ Don Mancini!)"

Episode 6: "Mean and Horny"

Brennan: Children of the Corn 1 - Literally nothing happens.

Brennan: I've been wracking my brains trying to figure out why it's iconic and my answer is Isaac, because I think John Franklin is really good, um, the actor. Because he has this weird haunted quality to that performance that's genuinely great and everything else in the movie is very bland and basic.

Children of the Corn 2 - Weird amount of Wizard of Oz references, much gorier. I loved it.

Brennan: Still a crappy movie, but it's a *crazier* crappy movie so I was into it.

Mark: Wild and crappy?

Brennan: Exactly

Children of the Corn 3 - Three words about it: Screaming Mad George. He did the effects on that one and it's nuts. Honestly? Highly recommend. The plot is nonsense, but there's a part where a hobo's head gets ripped off and put in the dirt and then some kid, like, thirty minutes later comes by and he falls in the dirt and the hobo head starts chewing on his arm. It's crazy.

Children of the Corn 4 - has nothing to do with anything. Is less a Children of the Corn movie and more of a paranormal disease outbreak movie and I kind of loved it.

Michael: Is that the one with Eva Mendes?

Brennan: No, that's part 5. Naomi Watts is in part 4. And Karen Black.

Michael: What's the subtitle on four?

Brennan: The Gathering

Michael: And what's five?

Brennan: Fields of Terror

Michael: The subtitles are my favorite because they're so dumb.

Episode 9: "It Me (w/ Chris Landon!)"

Michael: Brennan, where are you on your journey through Children of the Corn? Are you done?

Brennan: I wish I was. I've finished Five and Six.

Chris: Wait. How many are there?

Brennan: There are ten

Michael: There are a lot. You've been doing this awhile

Brennan: I'm finishing up this month. Five--

Michael: Five's the one with Eva Mendes, right?

Brennan: Yeah, five's the one with Eva Mendes and her hair is a rambling pile in this movie, and it's gorgeous. And she plays opposite Greg Vaughn, who's, who does a lot of TV work right now. I don't remember the show he's on, but he's also very hot. I only watch movies with hot people.

Chris: Smart

Brennan: No, that's a lie, j/k. Alexis Arquette is in it too, who I love. It's a really mediocre, weirdly straightforward for a post-Scream slasher movie.

Michael: Wow, it's post-Scream?

Mark: (sarcastically) Really. A Children of the Corn sequel was mediocre. Wow.

Michael: What was its subtitle?

Brennan: That one is Fields of Terror, which is not a pun.

Michael: It should have been called Field of Screams or something.

Brennan: Well, that was 2001 Maniacs 2: FIeld of Screams, although I think that came out later

Chris: So there's ten

Brennan: There's ten! The tenth one came out this year

Chris: Wow, that's impressive. It makes me feel like part nine might be like, Isabelle Huppert and Sharon Stone.

Brennan: I know Michael Ironside is in Part Seven, and I am ready.

Chris: Oooh, all right.

Michael: Chris, imagine where you'll be with Happy Death Day 13.

Chris: Oh Jesus

Mark: For all our sakes', no!

Brennan: And Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return is unwatchable. So that's fun. It's basically if an orange filter made a movie.

Michael: And these are all still in the Dimension Films era of Children of the Corn, right?

Brennan: Yeah. Although I will say, Children of the Corn 666 was directed by a woman, which is one of the only times in any long-running slasher franchise that that has happened other than (Freddy's Dead). Kari Skogland is the director and she's gone on to do a lot of really great stuff, and I"m not dissing her. It's just that the movie was ripped to shreds before it even got to her, so.

Nay: I have to watch it now.

Michael: I do, too. I can see the box in my head from the video store…

Brennan: Oh! Good tie-in. You know who's in Children of the Corn 666?

Michael: Me

Brennan: Nancy Allen

Everyone else: Ohhh!

Mark: Aww, bless

Brennan: Also beautiful hair

Michael: (laughing) "Aww, bless'

Mark: He said it was unwatchable!

Michael: No! I agree with you.

Chris: Everybody's got bills. Seriously.

Michael: Everyone's gotta do their Sharon Stone SVU-march

Brennan: And she does get to stare at a child's grave for awhile, so that's pretty fun.

Nay: Wow.

Chris: That sounds really fun.

Brennan: No, she gets to ACT

Mark: That's your Fandango movie clips thing on YouTube

Michael: The trailer's just her staring at a child's grave

Mark: Just Nancy staring at a hole

Michael: Like, 'A child goes in there.'

Episode 16: "A Pity Party is My Favorite Party"

Brennan: I know people have been waiting on tenterhooks to hear about the end of my Children of the Corn marathon

Mark: Oh Jesus Christ

Michael: Oh, you made it through

Brennan: I did. I survived. Let me pull up my notes really quick

Mark: I'm gonna go to the bathroom

Nay: I think I already did

Brennan: No no no. It's so brief, I honestly have so little to say about the last one

Mark: Okay okay okay. So what is the last one called?

Brennan: The most recent one? Children of the Corn: Runaway. That's the one that came out this year

Michael: Can you just give us the subtitles, those are my favorite parts

Mark: I know, the subtitles are totally the best part

Brennan: I'll just run through them really quick. Part 7…

Michael: Well, you didn't- what's Part 6?

Brennan: Part 6 is 666: Isaac's Return

Mark: Of course

Michael: Obviously

Brennan: Part 7 is Children of the Corn: Revelation. It takes place entirely in an apartment building in Omaha.

Michael: These are all so Dimension Films keep the rights sequels

Mark: How do they get the corn in the apartment building?

Brennan: Oh, they grow it in the patio area

Mark: Oh! As one does

Michael: You're fucking kidding

Brennan: I am not at all

Mark: So it's like a co-op

Brennan: Basically

Mark: Okay

Brennan: But I mean everyone's getting murdered, and there's a guy--

Michael: Like people have to go out on that patio and get killed?

Brennan: No, they mostly fall from above into the corn

Mark: So the corn patio….

Brennan: No, I really- don't in any way take it to mean that the movie is good. It's unwatchable. But Michael Ironside is there for about twenty-point-three seconds

Mark: Okay

Brennan: He shows up and gives some exposition that he has no reason to know about and then he just vanishes. And you're like, 'Oh. You're not even gonna help her?'

Michael: So dumb

Mark: You can see him cashing, just picking up a check

Brennan: Oh yeah

Michael: You just hear a 'ka-ching '' in the back of a cash register opening

Brennan: Oh, and there's a character in the apartment complex, his entire character is that he's in a wheelchair and he shouts cuss words at everyone, and that's just his whole thing and I was kinda like, 'The dream'

Michael: Okay, fully dimensional

Brennan: Children of the Corn '09, the Syfy remake. It's a lot of--

Michael: Is that in- that's just a straight-up remake, it's not in the canon of anything?

Mark: That was a TV movie, right?

Brennan: Yeah, TV movie. And it is a straight-up remake, set in the Seventies, which, I don't get why a remake has to be set in the original time. Not for me

Michael: I like when Texas Chainsaw did that

Brennan: Yeah, but not all of them are as good as the Texas Chainsaw remake

Michael: Right

Brennan: This one is just Vicky and Burt just screaming at each other for forty-five minutes

Michael: Who are Vicky and Burt? Oh, that's right, the remake

Mark: Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton

Brennan: Yeah, the adults.

Mark: But not, because they're on Syfy

Brennan: And Malachai is played by like this strapping twenty-eight year old ginger dude and I don't know if that's the best casting or the worst casting, but I was into it

Mark: Go on

Brennan: We should actually get him on the show. He's gay, his name is Daniel Newman, he's on The Walking Dead, too

Mark: (faux snob voice) Suddenly I'm interested in a Children of the Corn movie

Brennan: My favorite thing about that one is the end credits theme. It has all the Children of the Corn choir thing that you know and love. Like, (imitating children's choir singing)

Mark: Yep. Oh yeah

Brennan: Actually, you know what? I have it. Hold on.

Michael: I'm looking up Daniel Newman right now

Nay: Me too

Michael: Oh girl

Brennan: It's a dubstep remix of the Children of the Corn theme

Mark: Stop it. Stop.

Brennan: Children of the Corn: Genesis, completely incomprehensible, but I kinda liked. And Children of the Corn: Runaway weirdly reminiscent of Terminator 2 in the sense that it's about someone surviving a cult and wandering around with their son and just like, trying to survive, like in the midwest

Mark: Okay

Brennan: But otherwise not really worth your attention

Michael: How many are there?

Brennan: Ten

Mark: Forty

(The dubstep remix starts to play)

Michael: Oh girl. Sorry, Nay and I are looking up Daniel Newman right now.

Nay: Ayyyy. Ayyyy.

Brennan: Can't you see Christian Grey and Anastasia Steel just ramming each other to this song?

Mark: Yeah, (Daniel) should come on

Michael: Get him on

Nay: God, this bassline, I'm into it

Mark: What if we do the rest of the pod with this underscoring?

Michael: Oh my God. I feel like slowly taking my clothes off

Brennan: Like a horror burlesque? We could do it. People would come

Mark: Ah. Oh. Well, that's gonna be quite a benefit performance innit?

Brennan: Anyway, that's the most important thing about the Children of the Corn franchise as a whole, is that song

Mark: Thank you, Brennan!

Brennan: You're welcome

Mark: Oh my God. For all your Children of the Corn related needs and insights

Michael: I'm still looking up Daniel Newman

Brennan: Oh yeah, he's uh…

Mark: No, we're actually recording something by the way right now, Michael

Nay: Yeah, what are we here for today?

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