Episode 28: "Nature's Pocket" (w/Chingy!)

''This week we’re joined by writer/actress/better-bottom-than-you Chingy to talk the Polish mermaid musical THE LURE! That’s right, a movie straight from the Criterion Collection! Don’t be fooled, this conversation will NOT be elegant or proper in any way, shape, or form. Mark brings some hard Hans Christian Anderson truths, Nay is cursed with an incredible sense of smell, and Michael breaks his previous speed record for Friends references. Plus, in Tea Time we sip on THE ICE CREAM MAN, ASH IS PUREST WHITE, a Disney movie marathon, and THE ACT! ''

Trivia
Nay is extremely excited about the guest for this episode and can't even wait the normal amount of time to introduce them.

Topics brought up during the episode: The end of Crazy Ex-girlfriend, monthly queer dance party at Faultline called "Mommy Issues"

Tea Time
Nay: Bloody Birthday; Bloody New Year; Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II; The Ice Cream Man

Michael: The Act (Hulu)

Mark: Knife + Heart, Ash Is Purest White, The Entity

Chingy:

Pride Float
Nay: Well, would you give it a Pride float? If you could give this movie a Pride float, would you give it to them?

Michael: Do they warrant one?

Chingy: I'm gonna be honest. I don't go to a Pride parade very often!

Nay: Oh. Yeah. No. I think we're all on that page

Chingy: I'm trying to think, deserving a float

Michael: It's good, 'coz you don't wanna compare it to L.A. Pride

Chingy: I was like, I grew up here. Yeah.

Mark: I don't know that this movie necessarily-- actually. you know what it is? Yes I do.

Michael: I do too

Mark: Since the movie can be viewed to be a trans allegory in some way shape or form, then I think yes it does deserve a Pride float because it actually handles that and more with so much integrity and sensitivity and humor, and I dunno, I think it's so great. So yes, I would think that it deserved one. What do you guys think?

Michael: I think it does, too

Chingy: Yeah! It would just be like, all fish tails, kind of

Mark: Ooooh!

Chingy: Just like lonnnnnng

Mark: Flapping?

Michael: (sotto voce) Fish pussy

Chingy: That's just all of it, yeah. With random holes in random sides, yeah

Mark: Just flapping?

Michael: Or the big martini glass filled with water

Nay: Oh! I love that fucking Dita Von Teese look

Chingy: Everyone loves that

Michael: Mmm-hmm

Mark: And just "I Feel Love" just blasting from the, I mean...

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: From the slit

Nay: Yeah. Well, The Daughters of Dance Party--

Chingy: Yeah, that's the--

Nay: That's the, what is that, is that the other title?

Chingy: Córki dancingu

Michael: That was the alternate title of the movie?

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Oh, cool

Nay: I'm like, well, 'coz you know I love to give a movie a party, a Pride party versus like, a float

Chingy: See, there you go

Nay: 'Cause I'll go to a party, and I'm like, "Daughters of Dance Party", I would go to that

Mark: That would be a damn good dance party

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: If I saw a party during Pride that said, "Daughters of Dance Party", I'd be like, "Hell yeah I'm going to that."

Nay: Yeah. Exactly

Chingy: It's like, yeah

Mark: And it would be like a, bring your shitty male ex and just feed them to--

Chingy: And eat him!

Michael: And the other thing about that party is you know no straight people would go

Nay: I mean, we can hope

Michael: Yeah, to like, yuck our yum, you know?

Mark: Oh God, the expression! It (indistinct) on me

Chingy: The part in the movie where they're like dressed like Marilyn Manson vikings?

Mark: Yes! No, it's like The Matrix! Oh my God, It's wild!

Michael: It's jarring!

Nay: I love it!

Michael: It's like, "Where the fuck did this come from?"

Chingy: That scene is great because it's just like everyone who goes to that bar is either an old-ass white dude or his wife or his mistress

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: And watching them all, I'm like, "I love every extra in this!" 'Cause they were all just going off!

Nay: They went for it, yeah

Michael: Really quick, how about when Golden sings with the merman and his band

Chingy: Oh, Triton?

Nay: (laughs) Yeah

Michael: And then she's all excited afterwards because he's like, "You know, you could do better." What did he say as they walked offstage?

Mark: No, yeah.

Michael: "You've got work to do."

Mark: Yeah. "You've got a lot of work to do."

Michael: She's so insulted. She's like, "Fuck you."

Mark: She's just like, "Really? That busted-ass Triton?"

Nay: I love Golden

Chingy: I love her so much

Mark: She really is the heroine of the movie overall

Chingy: Yeah, she is

Nay: Definitely

Michael: I'd cast Heather Matarazzo in the American remake

Nay: Hmmmm

Quotes
Nay: The most amazing bio I've ever read in my life. I'm gonna get right to it

Chingy: Thank you

Nay: Chingy, a.k.a "The Gay Chingy" is a columnist, comedienne, screenwriter and bottom of extraordinary ability based out of Los Angeles and Oakland, California. Chingy's work focuses on subjects of queer culture, female sexual expression, LGBTQ media representation and BDSM education and has been featured at Autostraddle, Out Magazine, Vice and Buzzfeed. She is also a much better bottom than you. In 2018, Chingy was a featured writer at Lambda Lit Fest where she wrote and starred in Dom Com, a workplace dramedy focusing on the lives of queer sex workers in the San Francisco Bay Area. She has also recently launched a blog called."The Bottom's Line" where she discusses sex, dating, BDSM and pop culture as it relates to queers and we'll let you know where on the internet you can find her today. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, Chingy

Michael: That is a good bio.

Nay: It is, right?

Michael: Dom Com? I need to look that up

Mark: I know. Dom Com. I actually did not know that part--

Michael: I didn't either

Mark: I had read a bio that did not include that and now I'm like, "Dom Com, gonna write that one down."

Michael: (saying it as he writes it down) Dom… Com…

Chingy: So a romantic dom comedy, yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: I think it's important to put down your own work when you (indistinct)

Chingy: Yeah, it's really important

Mark: (laughing) It's stupid, it's really….

Mark: (to Chingy) I was really excited that you picked this (movie)

Nay: You were excited immediately

Mark: Well, yeah 'coz I was like, "Oh! Criterion! Classy! I like her already!"

Nay: Yeah, if you can impress Mark with a movie, you know what? You're impressive. That's what that means

Mark: We had a guest recently who's forthcoming who was like, "This movie!" And I was like, (bored) "Really? All right."

Nay: Mark's a bitch.

Mark: You know what?

Michael: You don't got time for anything

Mark: You know what? I just-- come on

Chingy: So I used to work at a movie theater in Oakland, and we were a second-run theater, and I was the curator. And I would always try and pick the gayest movies I could find. The gayest and the horror-iest. That's a word

Mark: What were some of the ones that you were most proud of getting away with?

Chingy: I got away with Party Monster, which was fun. I got away with Teeth, which nobody came to.

Michael: Oh, no!

Chingy: I like promised a big crowd for Teeth, nobody showed up

Michael: I love Teeth

Chingy: It's so good

Nay: I love Teeth

Mark: Party Monster is a weird movie

Michael: It's a wild film

Chingy: It's a weird movie

Mark: (as X from Party Monster) "Scriddly-do!"

Chingy: It is a weird movie. Everybody came for that one, which I was like, "Yeah."

Mark: Of course they did

Michael: No one came for Teeth?

Chingy: No one came for Teeth. And some people left during it, which I understand. It's a very intense movie. But it was around the same summer that The Handmaiden came out, which is another great really gay movie and I was like, "We need to get this one 'cause it's weird and there's cannibal mermaid whatever." I was just-- so I've seen, before now I've seen bits of it. I watched it in its entirety the other night and it's weird.

Mark: (as X from Party Monster) "Scriddly-do!"

Nay: I actually watched so many movies 'coz I was at my friend's house in New Hampshire

Michael: I know

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I was followin' along

Nay: I watched Bloody Birthday

Brennan: Hell yeah

Nay: Bloody New Year

Brennan: Oooh!

Nay: Prom Night II

Michael: (sighs) Hello Mary Lou

Nay: and Ice Cream Man

Mark: Damn

Nay: Yeah

Mark: You went on a tear

Nay: I know!

Michael: Did you watch The Ice Cream Man with Clint Howard, Ron Howard's brother?

Nay: Yes

Michael: Oh, girl

Nay: Yes, I know. Yo, they do him so dirty all the time. Why is that man always playing these roles?

Michael: I just think he's like, "This is my thing. I've cornered the market."

Chingy: "I've done this since I was a child."

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Yeah

Michael: I like Ice Cream Man

Nay: Oh, I love it

Brennan: What was your number one of that slate?

Nay: You know, I was thinking about that earlier today, and I think it's Ice Cream Man, but at a very close second, Prom Night II

Brennan: Hell yeah. Okay, I was waiting for that answer, thank you so much

Nay: I love Prom Night II

Brennan: The rocking-horse blinks its eyes?

Mark: I love Prom Night II

Nay: That horse? That nasty fucking horse? I loved it, yeah

Mark: It's really fun in Prom Night II that Mary Lou is such an asshole

Nay: Yes

Brennan: Oh yeah!

Michael: She is

Nay: Yes

Mark: She's such an unrepentant asshole, like she's a truly unappealing character and I was like, "That's admirable."

Nay: That's funny 'coz I was like, "Kind of appealing!"

Michael: I haven't seen it in a long time.

Nay: "Kind of like it!"

Michael: Yeah. Just kind of like remember smug and Mary Lou

Nay: Yes

Mark: Mmm-hmm.

Michael: Just being, "All right, I'm in."

Mark: Also Canada made it

Michael: First one, too

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Not too shabby.

Michael: I started watching The Act on Hulu

Mark: Oh God

Michael: So it's-- (to Nay) Do you know what this is?

Nay: No

Michael: Okay, so it's created by--

Mark: It's so grim

Michael: Nick Antosca, and I can't remember who he co-created it with, but Nick worked on Hannibal and he created Channel Zero and he co-created this, and it's true-life crime. It's gonna be like an anthology series and they're gonna take a weird crime that happened in real life and do it as a show each season. And they're doing Dee Dee Blanchard and Gypsy Blanchard, did you ever hear that story?

Nay: Mmm-hmm

Michael: Yeah. And it's like, it's really hard to watch because it's so on point. And Joey King-- like I love Chloë Sevigny, I love Patricia Arquette, they're always great in everything, but Joey King is like I almost feel like I'm watching the real  Gypsy Blanchard

Mark: The HBO doc Mommy Dead and Dearest is--

Michael: Oh, so good

Mark: So, Chingy you ever see that?

Chingy: I have not seen that

Mark: Okay, that is, I made it through about thirty minutes. And it's a very well-made doc

Michael: It is

Mark: There's something so--

Michael: Horrific

Mark: Deeply, deeply unsettling about the story that involves Munchausen-by-proxy, (sotto voce) which I live for!

Chingy: See, that's the thing. That is why I have not seen any of these things. I avoid things that involve Munchausen-by-proxy it just scares...

Michael: Yeah, I can't-- I don't know why because it's such an awful thing

Chingy: I get it

Michael: But like, I can't get enough of the stuff about it

Chingy: Yeah!

Michael: Lifetime is doing a movie about this same case and the trailer is amazing!

Mark: Oh, wow. They are?

Michael: Yeah, it's like-- and it's Marcia Gay Harden

Chingy: Oohh!

Michael: Playing Dee Dee Blanchard--

Mark: Oh, okay

Michael: So I'm like, "Wait. Are we going all-- like, what version of Lifetime are we getting here?" But I'm thinking with her they're gonna go super serious. But the trailer for it is like, I remember like, having something in my hand and throwing it as I was watching the trailer because it was just like--

Mark: Oh, man

Michael: But Joey King, she was in the first Conjuring film, she was one of the daughters, she was in Wish Upon--

Brennan: She sure was!

Michael: What else, Brennan, I'm sure…

Brennan: Uh! Other items of entertainment?

Michael: She's done a lot of horror, and she's so good in this. But it is so hard to watch, but I've made it through two of the three episodes so far

Mark: Oh, there's three episodes?

Michael: Three. There's gonna be ten, I think

Mark: Jesus!

Michael: Hulu does theirs once a week

Mark: They stretch that out to ten episodes?

Chingy: That's a lot, that's a lot of Munchausen-by-proxy, I'm good

Mark: Yeah, no. I could make it through eighty fuckin' minutes on HBO. No, I'm sorry

Michael: If you don't know the story, I'm not gonna spoil it, but they start at the end of the tale and then work their way-- like they flash back six years and then flash forward and stuff

Chingy: Okay

Michael: But my favorite stuff is Chloë Sevigny the whole time is just like, "You're a bitch! Fuck you!" to like everybody and it's amazing

Mark: Okay, now I might have to--

Chingy: Is she the mom in it or…?

Michael: She's the neighbor across the street that--

Chingy: Got it

Michael: She's great

Mark: Does she smoke?

Michael: Yes

Mark: (sighs) Okay, all right, I'll be watching. She smokes and cursing?

Nay: (laughing) "Check! Check!"

Mark: I like Chlöe when she does hardcore character work

Michael: There was another thing I wanted to bring up today, that is nothing that we were watching, but I dunno, two weeks after our show, the four of us, Chingy you weren't here

Chingy: I was not, that is true

Michael: Ernie was kind of showing us our demographics--

Nay: Oh yeah

Michael: Like who's listening to the show

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Michael: And it kind of circled back in my head this week, like I realized we have fans in countries where they fucking kill you for being who you are

Nay: Yeah

Michael: And I kind of wanted to bring that up and be like, "Thank you for listening."

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: Because that's really touching. I was telling my boyfriend about it and he's like, "That's kinda…" he didn't know what to say, he was just like, "That's something." I was just like, it kinda is. So I wanted to bring it up just to say "Thank you for listening to the show."

Nay: Sure

Michael: And I don't wanna say that listening to our show is brave, but the act of what you're doing, whether it's us or any other show is brave

Mark: I think it's brave to listen

Nay: Yeah, for real

Mark: I think it's very brave

Brennan: Being true to who you are engaging with a culture that affirms that

Mark and Nay: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Very true

Michael: I wanted to bring that up because I don't think people think about that kind of stuff when it comes to like, a podcast this stupid

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Or if you think about anything on TV that people are torrenting in other countries and stuff, there's reasons they may be doing stuff like that, and it's kind of like a "Fuck Yeah"

Mark: I think that we forget the place that frivolity can have. And you know, I like to think that this is not being exclusively frivolous in terms of the conversations we have here. I think that, you know, we're equal parts frivolous and also heartfelt--

Michael: Agreed!

Mark: And sometimes we can get into some real nitty-gritty stuff, when we're covering a movie that deserves it

Chingy: Like The Lure?

Mark: Turn away, Sleepaway Camp

Michael: I will never forget, "Just a combination of mean and horny"

Mark: Yeah

Michael: Mark's brilliant. Anyway

Mark: Awww! But you know, it's important, especially whether you live here, whether you live in, please I hope you don't, Brunei, or Russia or what-have-you, any other place inhospitable to queerness, you know, I think it's important to know that you're not alone and--

Michael: Yeah, we hear you

Mark: It's really, it is really-- when you read about you know, sharia law being so, so deep set in Brunei that stonings--

Michael: I know

Mark: The news that-- for listeners who are not au courant on this--

Michael: Up to speed

Mark: It turns out that stoning, if you are accused of, quote-unquote "accused" of homosexuality and/or adultery in Brunei, you will be stoned to death. That's real, that is crazy, and just goes to show how fuckin' lucky we are

Michael: Yeah, reading about that this morning made me think about some of our listeners and so I just kinda wanted to let them know we know they're listening and we see you

Mark: Yeah

Mark: I saw Knife + Heart

Brennan: Ooooh! How was that?

Michael: I love that movie so much!

Mark: Not for me

Brennan: Okay, I'm gonna love it

Mark: It was not for me. It should have been for me, but it was not. And I saw a great Chinese film… Ash Is Purest White. I don't know if anyone's heard of it, but it's a pretty amazing story of this woman who's basically a gangster moll-- it spans twenty years, it starts in 2000 and ends in basically now, and this gangster's moll who lives with her incredibly hot gangster boyfriend, they run like a mahjong kind of gambling ring. And what begins as a-- I'm not spoiling anything. When she ends up using a gun, an illegal firearm to defend him one day and she ends up going to prison for him, and over the course of twenty years, being apart and together, apart and together, you get to see the changes in the landscape of China and you get to see how China went from a communist country to what it is now, and it's seeing how the various characters adjust or don't adjust to that. It's so beautifully shot, it even has sci-fi elements. It is just this gorgeous, crazy, incredibly-- it's one of those weird movies where you're watching it and you're not weepy or anything, but once it's over, you're like, (on the verge of tears) "Oh God!" (normal voice) It has that kind of power. It's really special and it's a little bit under the radar, so if you get the opportunity, I highly recommend it. And I feel like I watched-- oh! Has anyone seen this movie from 1982, I hadn't seen it since college, but this movie called The Entity with Barbara Hershey?

Michael: Yes!

Mark: Je-sus

Michael: Mmm-hmm. Mmmmm-hmm

Mark: H.

Michael: I mean, the whole setup of the movie is a "Jesus Christ"

Mark: Oh my God. So it's based on a true story, wink and air quotes, but I mean it is based on a real case, but you know, who knows? About this woman who, how do I put this in a way-- she was being raped by a ghost in her house, continuously

Chingy: Like an incubus?

Mark: Sort of? But the movie is by turns horrifying and then also just like, so crazy that you don't know what to do but laugh because it's just like Impossible material? I don't know how you make a movie of this?

Michael: Well, they're trying to play it up as, "This is our haunted house movie."

Mark: I dunno. It's really intense.

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Martin Scorsese put it on his list of "Top Ten Scariest Movies Ever"

Michael: Yeah, he did, didn't he

Mark: And it's really-- it has moments where it has maintained its power in no small reason because Barbara Hershey is kind of incredible?

Michael: I mean, she gives everything she has in the movie

Mark: I mean, she takes this semi-impossible sort of material and really she just acts the shit out of it in a way that's just like fearless and really upsetting. The movie is mostly manages not to be skeevy for its subject matter

Michael: I feel like-- I haven't seen it in awhile, but I feel like the inciting incident though, goes on and on and on and on and on forever

Mark: Well, I mean, it really tests, yeah, it can really test your sort of, your mettle in terms of what you're willing to tolerate. That being said, the movie's-- despite some really wacky turns in the last quarter, the movie is at least an amazing metaphor for abusive relationships or what it takes for certain people to step out of abusive situations. So it's fascinating in that it's really moving and scary and powerful in certain ways. And then also, it's a movie where Barbara Hershey comes home and her own house calls her the "c-word", do you know what I mean? Like, it's just like, where you just go, "Okay, I don't know if this is like Showgirls or if this is brilliant."

Michael: It's trying to approach the subject matter like The Exorcist (1973) type way, and like, I don't wanna say the word, "classy", but you know what I mean?

Mark: Well, it's classy for a movie about ghost rape, do you know what I mean?

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: But that's--

Mark: Does that make any sense?

Chingy: It's multi-faceted

Mark: Yeah! So, anyway, take that as a--

Michael: Is it on Shudder right now?

Mark: No. It's actually pretty hard to track down. I had to rent it on DVD

Nay: (chuckling) Wow

Mark: Yeah, I know. I went--

Michael: Did you get it from Redbox?

Mark: I got into my DeLorean…

Nay: (laughing) Yeah

Mark: Anyway, it's like Ash is Purest White: recommend! And The Entity I'm like, "Recommend?"

Michael: I remember being really scared when I saw that movie

Mark: It's really upsetting. It's genuinely upsetting

Michael: Yeah. She has like a family and everything. Is she a single mom?

Mark: There's so many fucked up things that happen in this movie, I can't even tell you

Nay: Oh my God

Mark: Anyway, Chingy, what have you been watching?

Michael: Is it like Care Bears or something?

Chingy: It is! I was stuck at Disney World for a week for a wedding

Michael: Oh good! Well, not good.

Chingy: So, I watched a lot of Disney movies.

Brennan: Okay

Chingy: And I can tell you which ones hold up, and which ones don't

Nay: Oh great

Chingy: Pinocchio (1940) Horrifying, great, very gay. Watch it. Rewatch it. None of the villains get any comeuppance--

Mark: Yeah, it's really--

Chingy: Pleasure Island, it's a lot. I love it

Michael: Super gay?

Mark: Pleasure Island has always made me feel really weird

Michael: In your tummy?

Mark: Yeah

Michael: (laughing) You're pointing at your stomach!

Mark: Yeah! It would give me this weird queasy feeling, like, (southern Muppet drawl) "This is bad. This is a bad place!"

Michael: (southern Muppet drawl) "I kinda like it"

Mark: (southern Muppet drawl)."They turn into animals. That's bad!"

Chingy: I just love the conceit of someone being like, "I wish I had a real boy!" And then a fairy granting the wish, but only half-ass granting it--

Michael: Bitch fairy

Chingy: And he's like, "Am I a real boy?" And she's like, "No, you're not at all. You need to earn it, because you have to earn being a person."

Michael: Whoooo!

Chingy: It's fun, I love it

Michael: Love that fairy

Nay: Ain't that the truth

Chingy: It's fucked up in a fun way, where Peter Pan (1953), having rewatched it, I thought the very racist Native American thing was just a subplot. It's about half the runtime

Michael: Oh, no shit

Chingy: I was not expecting it to be so long, and everyone's a jerk to Wendy

Michael: Disney movies are dark as fuck

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: Those old animated films?

Chingy: Oh yeah

Michael: [https://disney.fandom.com/wiki/Bambi%27s_mother Bambi's mom? Murdered]

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: Yeah

Michael: (chuckling) Okay

Mark: Yeah, the rearview mirror of cinema history--

Chingy: It's not great

Mark: It's full of-- I think one of my favourite things to think about with these things is, as I watch a lot-- I like to watch a lot of old stuff, is, "Take what you like and leave the rest."

Chingy: That's--

Mark: Some movies it's like, "That's beautiful! (sotto voce) And we're not gonna talk about the (indistinct)."

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: That's like what Phoebe's mom would do to her on Friends.

Mark: Okay

Michael: She thought Bambi was this wholesome movie. Her mom would turn it off when she was little before her mom got killed, so there's a whole episode about (Phoebe) going back and rewatching all these movies

Mark: And having no idea

Michael: And she's like the most vibrant person on the show, but by the end of the episode she's like, "Life sucks! Everyone dies!" She's like throwing shit, it's really great

Mark: What other Disney movies?

Chingy: Oh, I'm trying to think. Sleeping Beauty 's (1959) all right. The Sword in the Stone is very very weird, because the guy who plays Arthur, little Arthur, is voiced by three different voice actors.

Michael: Is it noticeable?

Chingy: Very noticeable

Michael: One's got a cockney accent?

Chingy: No, they all have American accents when everybody else has English accents, first of all.

Mark: I tried

Chingy: Second, two of them are brothers who are small children. One of them is clearly a grown man who sounds like, do you remember Kermit's nephew Robin?

Mark: Yes. Do I

Chingy: He sounds like a nasally college sophomore from Queens called Leonard. That is how I would describe the third voice. And, it's not that it changes from scene to scene, it changes from line to line, at random. I don't understand

Mark: That sounds creepy

Michael: That was a final cut, too

Chingy: Yeah! As someone who's been an editor, I'm like, "Why, why, why did you let that happen?"

Michael: I just noticed you have a necklace that says, "Pussy"

Chingy: I do!

Michael: Love it!

Chingy: Because we're gonna talk about pussy

Michael: Sorry. I just looked over at you and see the word "pussy" on your chest

Nay: I don't think you ever have to be sorry for noticing something so amazing

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: I am wearing a necklace that says, "Pussy". I thought it was appropriate given the movie

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: It's a big theme

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: Pussy's a big theme in this movie. But yeah--

Michael: Back to Disney

Chingy: Those are the movies I've watched lately. I think that's about it. I'm trying to think-- oh yeah, about the whole going back and looking at cinema history and it being dark, I went to Disney World and I didn't realize that Splash Mountain was Song of the South-themed?

Brennan: Oh. Yep.

Mark: Oh yeah, it sure is! Uh-huh

Chingy: I didn't know that!

Michael: They haven't changed it? [E/N: Disney announced in 2020 they are re-theming Splash Mountain to The Princess and the Frog)

Chingy: No, that's just what it is. I never knew that about it. I read the map and I was like, "Oh! Babe I don't think I wanna go to Song of the South. Nope, I'm good."

Mark: No, like literally the song they sing in Splash Mountain is--

Chingy: Yeah, "Zip-a-dee-doo-dah"

Mark: Basically (high-pitched voice)."Remember Uncle Remus? We don't either! La la la la!" (normal voice) Like they're just--

Nay: (gasps) No!

Michael: What the fuck?

Nay: I can't!

Mark: It's….

Chingy: It's a lot

Mark: Yeah. It's… yeah. It's, you know, Br'er Rabbit…

Michael: Mmm-kay

Brennan: Yep

Nay: ''Oh. My. God. Really?''

Chingy: Yeah!

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Nay: Yeah, I don't know anything about Disneyland or Disney World

Mark: I mean, you know

Chingy: They're fine. Whatever

Nay: I've never been

Michael: I've been to Disneyland a few times. It's hell

Mark: (laughing) Jesus!

Michael: Yeah, "It's been two hours get me the fuck out of here."

Nay: Yeah, it sounds awful

Chingy: I was surrounded by children non-stop

Nay: No, I can't

Chingy: And like, that's fine if you like being surrounded by children--

Michael: If they're getting murdered by somebody, yeah

Chingy: I didn't enjoy it. I was very anxious all the time 'coz me and my girlfriend were like two of the only gays there, and we basically wanted to take a drink every time we saw another gay

Michael: So like one shot?

Mark: The only time I ever--

Chingy: Yeah, one shot

Mark: The last time I got called "faggot" was at Disneyland

Michael: No!

Nay: What?!

Mark: On "Gay Day". Yeah

Michael: (gasps) By who?

Mark: By some trash from Florida probably, I mean, I dunno

Nay: Oooh.

Mark: So, y'know, sorry Florida. That was mean

Michael: I was meaning like a park employee or--

Mark: Florida, I'm sorry. I apologize

Chingy: Don't be sorry to Florida! Florida's a--

Michael: You got called that on "Gay Day"?

Mark: Yeah.

Michael: In Florida

Mark: So, y'know, it's like--

Michael: Florida's trash

Nay: Yeah!

Michael: Florida's trash

Mark: It wasn't in Florida, it was at Disneyland

Brennan: You know, we have one here

Michael: But he said Florida, so I thought he meant Disney World

Mark: Some trash from-- anyway

Michael: Okay, got it

Chingy: They came to--

Mark: Yeah, I dunno

Michael: I'm quick (chuckles)

Mark: They were, they were clearly uh, not from these parts

Michael: Yes. Or they were just from Orange County

Mark: Or they were just from Orange County, they were just from fuckin' Orange County

Nay: Oh, damn, Brennan!

Brennan: Uh, as someone who grew up in Orange County, you're probably right

Michael: Yeah

Mark: You know what? I apologize, Florida. It's probably Orange County

Chingy: The Florida of counties

Michael: "The Florida of counties"?

Brennan: Anyway, speaking of things from other countries

Mark: Ohhh! (starts humming "My Sharona" before getting the giggles and giving up) I can't do this

Michael: (hums "My Sharona")

Mark and Michael: (in unison, though Mark sings it flatly) La Llorona

Michael: Wow, Mark, energy

Mark: I just gave up halfway through (laughs)

Brennan: This week on "Producer Brennan's La Llorona Corner"

Michael: Wow, I like your shirt, Brennan

Brennan: Thank you! It's from Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown

Michael: Mmm-hmm

Mark: Pepa

Brennan: Oh, I love it so much

Michael: I just watched it recently

Brennan: You should be watching that movie every day.

Nay: I just did that recently

Brennan: (laughing) Sorry, Nay! That like, snaked in to my headphone and directly into my brain and it was hilarious

Nay: You always catch my little things

Brennan: Oh, I do

Nay: Yeah

Brennan: Anyway. I'm here to talk about a movie. Really, my first hurdle in this movie about La Llorona, who-- Chingy you haven't been here the past couple of weeks or months or whatever

Chingy: I've never been here. Fun fact!

Mark: She's literally never been here

Chingy: I've never been in here at all!

Brennan: Yeah, and for those in the back rows who haven't heard yet, La Llorona is a Mexican folk tale, she's basically a boogeyman. She drowned her kids back in the day, if you wander out towards the river she will drown you too

Chingy: Good old La Llorona

Mark: Consistent

Brennan: My first hurdle with this movie--

Michael: She's got a thing!

Brennan: Was the title. I've written it out for you guys

Michael: Not Kilometer 31 3?

Brennan: No

Michael: Okay

Brennan: It's J-hyphen-OK-apostraphe-E-L and I was like, "I hope they say this word in the movie!" And they did

Mark: I give up

Brennan: It's pronounced "Joquel," it's very French-sounding

Chingy: That's what I was gonna say

Brennan: Oh!

Chingy: Yeah

Brennan: You're right on the money

Chingy: Yeah

Brennan: Well actually the thing that's most interesting about the movie is its title. Because, no, that is shade, but it's also interesting because the thing about this marathon--

Nay; (laughing) I'm sorry!

Brennan: The thing about this marathon is that it's exposing me to a lot of really small, regional productions of Mexican cinema. This movie was shot in and around Chiapas, Mexico, and Joquel is, according to them, I can't find a lot of research that necessarily backs up what they're saying, but it's apparently there's a Mayan dialect called "Xeal", which is the indigenous dialect and how you say La Llorona according to the indigenous population around Chiapas. So that was really interesting to learn

Nay: Yeah

Brennan: The movie was hella boring.

Chingy: "The most interesting thing about you is your name." I love that

Brennan: But it's really interesting! It's a roller coaster of a title. So it's about this--

Mark: I liked it as a factoid

Michael: Yeah!

Brennan: Thank you

Michael: You have good facts

Mark: Yeah

Brennan: But it's about-- it's set in Mexico, but it's about a white guy. He's weirdly handsome, which is annoying because he's an asshole

Michael: He's not as handsome as Papá is he?

Brennan: Oh, no! Who could be?

Michael: Oh, phew!

Mark: (amused) "Papá"? (Vapid white girl voice) "Oh, Papá!"

Brennan: So his mom married a Mexican man, they're living in Chiapas, and his half-sister goes missing because La Llorona is kidnapping children around town. So he comes to town, he visits his estranged mom, who he hasn't seen in ten years. She's played by Dee Wallace

Mark: What?

Brennan: Yes

Chingy: Okay

Michael: That is a fact I did not expect

Mark: What?!

Brennan: Yeah. Twist ending!

Michael: Did she know she was there?

Brennan: I think she did. Look, I think she wanted a vacation

Michael: Good for Dee!

Mark: Hey.

Brennan: So anyway, he kind of runs-- it's very TV movie level, like La Llorona is represented by, they're kind of flapping like a piece of white cloth in front of the camera and "She's over there!"

Nay: Nice

Michael: Love that.

Nay: Nice. My favorite

Mark: Drapes

Michael: (laughing) Someone's dress?

Brennan: And he's hanging out with a local woman who's translating for him, and they do not end up falling in love, which I was shocked by. He just kind of runs around being an asshole, telling people that their religion is fake. Pretty much any religion. It's great. (faux chipper) White people are awesome! (normal voice) But anyway, two interesting things about this movie other than the title--

Mark: (as an extremely basic white person) "We really are, it's great!"

Nay: Okay

Chingy: No, let's clap for that

Michael: Nay

Mark: (chuckling) Yeah

Chingy: You can't see me, but I'm Asian

Mark: Slow, slow, slow clap

Chingy: But even if you saw me you wouldn't think I'm Asian

Mark: The slowest clap possible

Michael: How are you gonna manage to clap while you're doing the yank?

Mark: I know, exactly.

Michael: (chuckling) Hand signals

Mark: At the same time

(Chingy, Michael and Mark attempt to slow clap and do the yank simultaneously)

Brennan: This is… I'm glad no one can see this. This is some gross stuff

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: TV-MA

Brennan: The female lead in this movie, I don't know if I was just reading into it, but I am ninety-five percent certain that she's a coded lesbian character

Nay: Yup

Michael: (amused) Cute!

Brennan: Because there's a woman who keeps wandering in and out of her house and she's like, "Oh that's my friend, who is like the nanny to my kid." But she walks in while she and the man are talking in the living room--

Chingy: She's that hot?

Brennan: And she just seems super comfortable in the apartment, she drops her keys off and walks upstairs--

Michael: Lesbian

Brennan: And she's like, "Oh, I asked her to come in early to babysit my child."

Nay: "Did you get that floss I asked for?"

Brennan: Yeah, exactly!

Michael: "For my child?"

Brennan: Grocery bags… It's just she gets so nervous whenever her quote-unquote "nanny" is around and the man's also like, present. I'm like, "Mmmm! Something's goin' on here. I love this."

Chingy: That sounds lesbian-coded

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Aunt Margaret's roommate that she has lived with for years

Brennan: Yep

Michael: (chuckling) Oh my God!

Brennan: "Gal pals"

Chingy: Yes

Brennan: And one last thing. I am gonna spoil this movie, so if you really care about J-ok'el, skip forward like two minutes. But you guys have to know: La Llorona turns out to be a very mundane killer, because Dee Wallace is the killer in this movie. So, they chase after La Llorona to this cave. It's literally Dee Wallace in streaky, tear-stained mascara face--

Michael: This sounds amazing

Nay: Absolutely

Brennan: Surrounded by piles of dead children--

Nay: I like that

Brennan: Just cackling as she tries to strangle her own son

Nay: Oh, I love it!

Chingy: Oh, that old trope. Dee Wallace all along

Michael: It was Dee Wallace in the cave all along

Mark: Hoarding child corpses in a cave

Brennan: Yeah!

Chingy: Like she does!

Michael: Just like Dee Wallace always does

Brennan: I wouldn't say it was worth it for that, but I'm glad I watched it

Michael: Was she still playing the same character or did they have her…?

Brennan: Yeah, no, it's his mom gone mad

Michael: (chuckling) Or was she also "La Llorona"?

Chingy: Were they just calling her "Dee" at this point?

Brennan: Okay, I dunno. It's kind of implied that J-ok'el is real, but she's imitating J-ok'el and then in the end after she dies, she's also a ghost so it's a whole thing. It's like a Candyman (1992) type thing, I guess

Michael: Amazing

Brennan: Anyway, that was really important to me and I wanted to share that with you guys

Michael: Thank you

Mark: Wow

Chingy: I'm really happy you shared it

Brennan: Thank you

Mark: Are you gonna have all of them watched by the time Curse of La Llorona comes out?

Michael: That's the goal, right?

Brennan: Yes! That is the plan and I am currently on track to accomplish that

Mark: Okay

Nay: Amazing. Thank you

Brennan: Thank you very much for indulging me!

Nay: Well, why are we here today?

Brennan: Well, we aren't here to talk La Llorona

Nay: What are we here to talk about?

Chingy: Fish pussy

Nay: (laughing) Yes that's what we're here to talk about

Michael: Fish slits?

Chingy: That sounds dirtier!

Nay: (laughing) Stop!

Mark: I'm glad you said it

Michael: They literally say that in the movie, though.

Chingy: Yeah, they do

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Michael: They talk about her slit, which is weirdly in the bottom of her tail

Nay: I mean, you saw it

Chingy: Yep

Michael: Yup. She got the thing

Nay: If you could pick any place to put your slit, where would you put it?

Michael: Oh! That's a good question

Chingy: Mine are alright where they are

Nay: Okay, that's the standard

Brennan: Well, what if you had a mermaid tail though, right?

Nay: Oh

Chingy: Oh

Nay: I don't wanna think about having a mermaid tail, it really bothers me

Michael: Especially when you're six feet long

Chingy: You know, I'd fuck a lot of mythical creatures. I surprisingly was like, "Nah, I'll pass. I'm okay."

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Where would I put my, my--

Nay: A slit

Mark: I don't even know where to begin this question

Brennan: The back!

Mark: The back… Are we talking like gills, or like if I had a fish--

Nay: Oh no, really like where would you put a fish pussy?

Michael: (laughing hard) Your fish, where would your fish pus-- (cracks up)

Nay: If you could place one on your body--

Chingy: Dorsal fin

Nay: Where would you place it?

Brennan: Hellraiser style!

Nay: Yeah, exactly

Michael: Oooh, Hellraiser style, that's bomb

Nay: 'Cause sometimes you're like, you know how easy it would be to fuck a mermaid?

Michael: Well I want easy access--

Nay: If my pussy was in my hand, you know

Brennan: Like Pan's Labyrinth?

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: I would put mine--

Mark: But that would make snacking really hard. Snacking would become really difficult if your--

Michael: If you had a pussy in your hand?

Nay: Certain snacking

Mark: ''Ohh. My God''

Nay: How easy?

Mark: First of all, you'd never leave the house--

Nay: Okay? Honestly

Mark: Once you discovered that

Chingy: Think about how much easier yeast infections would be

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Jesus! Okay…

Chingy: Risk ain't worth the reward

Mark: Whew!

Michael: (sing-song) I'm not the dirty one for once!

Nay: I know we've talked about easy many times

Mark: So by the way listeners, we're talking about The Lure--

Michael: Where to put your fish slit!

Mark: The Polish horror-musical hybrid, comic hybrid directed by Agnieszka Smoczyńska. And now back to fish pussy

Nay: Thank you. Thank you for you

Chingy: You went for it. You went for pronouncing that name

Mark: I did

Chingy: And I think you did a great job

Michael: I think you did, too

Chingy: Now none of us have to say the name again

Nay: Thank God

Mark: Thank you

Michael: Mine would be in reaching distance. That's all I know.

Mark: Okay

Chingy: Your fish pussy?

Michael: Yeah!

Chingy: Okay

Michael: So I can use my hands on it

Chingy: Right

Mark: Question, question. If I have a fish pussy does this mean I-- (laughing)

Michael: Can't have a fish dick?

Nay: Mmm-hmm, go ahead. What does that mean?

Mark: Does that mean when I get in water I get a tail, or is it just like--

Nay: No, I literally--

Mark: What is this about-- what about this is a fish pussy?

Michael: Where on your--

Mark: Or is it just a pussy?

Nay: Yeah, I just wanted to know what kind of freak you were

Mark: Okay

Michael: It's just like the pussy in the movie

Nay: I wanted to know where you'd put it. That's it

Michael: Where would you put that?

Mark: Uhhhh--

Michael: One was at the bottom of her--

Mark: I guess my neck?

Nay: Nice

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: That's hot

Mark: I guess my neck

Michael: Don't you have to put it on the bottom half if I'm a mermaid?

Nay: No, you don't

Chingy: You can put it any place!

Michael: I didn't realize the body was open, too!

Nay: Yeah, that's what I mean!

Michael: Right here?

Nay: Yeah!

Chingy: That's a good spot

Nay: In the middle of your chest?

Chingy: No one really considers that spot, but that's a good spot

Michael: Yeah

Mark: The solar plexus?

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: Mmm-hmm

Nay: Yeah

Mark: So like full Dakota Johnson Suspiria (2018) style chest pussy?

Nay: Yeah! So like, sternum pussy? That's bomb, that's bomb

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: Mother of Sighs? Actually, that's a good answer. You're right

Chingy: Yeah, that's the best answer I've ever heard to that question that you hear all the time

Mark: I should have remembered Dakota

Michael: I'd still have boobs on side of it

Mark: That's true

Nay: Oh, yes!

Michael: Can you imagine that?

Chingy: I've actually seen an art piece of that

Brennan: Oh!

Nay: As I was picturing it, I was thinking, "It sounds like it belongs on Dildo Nightmares."

Chingy: I love Dildo Nightmares

Nay: (laughing) You're bringing it up?

Mark: Oh, God! Why do you keep doing this to me?!?

Nay: Because I love it so much! I love that Instagram

Michael: Nay, that page has given me a lot of joy

Mark: I still haven't blocked out the last one you showed me. I think I talked about it, actually

Michael: Yeah, you described it--

Nay: Yeah, you said it looked like, "shoving a Whopper down a--" I dunno

Michael: "A Whopper Jr. in a hole or something," and you said the hole was too small for a whole Whopper

Nay: Yeah. You said all that. He did

Brennan: I did have a further question about the fish pussy

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I was gonna say, about the movie?

Mark: Brennan's like, (pompous) "I have a question about the fish--"

Nay: As the expert on it, yes?

Chingy: Uh, that's me

Brennan: For those in the room who already possess vaginas, would you want a second one or would you want to move it?

Nay: Um…

Michael: That's a good question

Nay: Definitely a second one. I'm not gonna--

Chingy: Yeah, I'm not gonna turn down hole number four, I'm good

Nay: Yeah

Brennan: Well, is there a better placement than where it already is?

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I think we already--

Chingy: Right there

Nay: The chest sounds really fuckin' cool

Mark: Suspiria style

Michael: Yeah

Nay: I dunno, the neck sounds really hot

Brennan: The chest one you could do a lot of spinning stuff, which would be fun

Michael: Suspiria style with nips on either side

Nay: True

Chingy: Oh yeah

Mark: Plus if you're shopping, you could open it and be like, "I put my wallet in there and like--"

Michael: Yeah.

Chingy: Nature's pocket!

Brennan: No, you're shoplifting Chapstick--

Michael: (to Chingy) What did you say?

Chingy: Nature's pocket

Mark: Yeah! You know

Chingy: It's like grandma used to say

Mark: Yeah, you know

Chingy: Grandma Chingy

Michael: "My hands are full. Can you reach in there and grab my Mastercard?"

Mark: (laughing) Oh my God!

Nay: Brennan, do we have a trailer?

Brennan: We actually don't, because everything's in Polish, so I have no clips

Nay: Right

Mark: So we can just scream at the audience in Polish for a minute and thirty seconds

Chingy: You could play the trailer and we'll read the subtitles. We'll be the actors

Brennan: Oooh!

Chingy: That's a horrible idea. Don't do what I said

Mark: (as Chingy) "Don't do what I just said!"

Nay: They looked at two thousand girls to pick those, to pick Silver and Gold

Michael: What? Really?

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: That's a lot of white girls

Nay: Yeah. Maybe they didn't realize there's that many and they all look alike

Mark: It's Poland! (laughing) It's Poland!

Chingy: That's where I'd be like, "I just saw you."

Nay: Yeah. They're like, "Is this the same twenty people over and over again? I can't tell."

Michael: Just putting on different caps

Nay: For two thousand people

Mark: For listeners who have not yet had the opportunity to watch The Lure, it involves Silver and Golden, two sirens from some unnamed body of water outside of Warsaw that are essentially recruited by this house band at this sort of disco restaurant--

Chingy: That is also a strip club

Mark: That is also kind of a burlesque place?

Nay: It looks so fun!

Chingy: Yeah. I would definitely--

Mark: That's a real place, that's a real place by the way

Michael: Like an actual club?

Chingy: I would pop the--

Mark: It is an actual working club

Michael: Wow

Mark: Called Club Adria. And they're recruited and it is essentially, what follows is one of the weirder coming-of-age tales about what it means to be a young woman discovering your power, in Poland!

Michael: And it's during the Eighties, right?

Chingy: Yeah, it's set during the Eighties

Michael: During communism? Yeah

Chingy:  It's Eighties horror musical Little Mermaid

Michael: Yeah!

Nay: Yeah. The best goth musical about man-eating mermaids

Michael: That's what, I saw that today too

Chingy: I think that's true!

Michael: Yeah

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: I'm trying to think of a better one, but I can't

Nay: Yeah, I, you know, sometimes we do a Shady Summary and after I had read what someone had written about it--

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: That's, that's it. (To Chingy) And you had said something earlier, but I think we already talked about fish pussy so much that--

Chingy: I know. I can't stop thinking about it, because it's literally all that's been on my mind today. I've had other sets to do--

Michael: But it's such a big part of the film!

Chingy: It is! I was like, "Am I oversexualizing this?" Because of the work I do--

Michael: No

Chingy: And I was like, "No, this is a really horny movie." And like it's, "Everybody loves fish pussy." That is my Shady Summary of it. Everybody just wants to fuck these fish

Michael: Yeah

Mark: I mean… yeah!

Michael: Yeah!

Mark: That's true!

Michael: Everybody loves fish pussy. No one can say "fish pussy"

Brennan: Well it's time--

Mark: So many times. It's like twenty minutes in and I feel like-- (chuckles)

Chingy: Probably the most any group of people has ever said it

Nay: I'm proud of that!

Michael: Well, the director talked about fish pussy and like one of her things was the maturation of a young woman--

Chingy: Mmm-hmm

Michael: And the smell and the odor, and she's like, "I'm gonna do it about fuckin' mermaids. 'Cause I can play that theme up." And like how the opening scene, or the first time they're seen is In the club hopping up and down--

Nay: He's like, looking for them

Mark: And he's like, "What's that smell?"

Michael: Yeah, and he literally smells them. And how she makes the very specific point of showing that they don't even have genitalia

Chingy: I love that they don't have buttholes. They don't have asscracks. I love it!

Michael: And that these men are still smelling the slime, and it's just like, fish pussy's a really big part of it!

Chingy: It's a really big part

Nay: Yo. I--  when he goes seeking out that smell, that is me every day. I have a really heightened sense of smell--

Michael: Oh, wow

Nay: And it's actually the most annoying thing of my oppressions. (chuckling) Even harder than-- you know what? I'm not going to do that. Never mind. But it's really hard!

Michael: Brian has a very dull sense of smell and he's told me many times that he's thankful for it

Nay: Yes! I'm just like nauseated all the time 'coz I can smell everything. Literally the person sitting behind me on the plane yesterday? I could tell when he stood up, 'cause of where his breath was in the air

Michael: Oh, God!

Chingy: Oh, wow

Nay: I would be like, "I know where you're standing right now."

Michael: That's the worst.

Chingy: That's intense

Michael: The smells on airplanes? Ugh

Nay: So yeah, I feel him. And when I can't locate it? I'm just like him. I'm goin' everywhere. "What is it? What is it?"

Chingy: You're like Wolverine!

Nay: Yes. Yes! The other day my friend walked in the room and I was like (sniffs) "I smell garlic and alcohol." And she was like, "Uh, I had a shot of whiskey and garlic potato tots like an hour ago, bitch." And I was like, "I know! I know exactly what you had."

Mark: Oh my God

Nay: So yeah, I felt that. I was like, I would be--

Michael: Yeah, he was sniffing that out, little bitch

Nay: But I love how once he sees what it is, he's like, "Eh, this smell's not that bad. I didn't just go on this journey through this whole building to find it, but it's, it's not that bad." 'Coz he likes it

Michael: Yeah, and I love how he's like, "This is an adult club," and then they're naked

Chingy: And he's like, "Strip."

Michael: Seconds later? Yeah

Chingy: And then when he sees them transform, he's like, "Is it real?" It's like you literally just saw these--

Nay: You literally just saw it

Chingy: Tails the size of them grow

Mark: Well, the deadpan quality of the movie, especially in the first thirty minutes is so-- I mean, I found myself laughing out loud, like constantly in those first thirty minutes

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: From just that opening song that the girls--

Chingy: "We will not eat you!"

Mark: (singing) "We will not eat you!"

Chingy: I love that that's the opening song

Mark: It is actually a combination of those lyrics plus something like a melody that stayed in my head all day long--

Michael: Like super-sweet melody

Mark: And then on top of it, Krysia's screaming to her singing Donna Summer in that club?

Nay: Yo. Yes.

Mark: That trippy-ass like, "What the fuck is this Eastern Bloc, like karate shitty glam--"

Michael: Yeah, I was like, "Where are we? Is this all underground?"

Mark: Oh God

Nay: Yo, if I thought I wouldn't get immediately lynched, I wanna party there

Chingy: Hard same

Nay: (chuckling) Yes

Mark: And then right into-- even-- I have quibbles with the movie, but overall I so love what it's reaching for. But the fact that the club owner is going around his own club going, "What's that smell, what's that smell?" And everybody in the club is like, grooving

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Even the waiters coming out of the kitchen

Michael: Yes. And they stop when they see him?

Mark: Yeah. And it's like, am I wrong or could you hear the sirens' song, like they were singing along with the Donna Summer--

Michael: Oh, maybe

Nay: Ohhh

Mark: And that's why everybody's dancing, right?

Michael: And that's why everyone is involved

Mark: That's why everybody is so completely--

Michael: Well that woman with the carrots is like very sexualizing the carrot dancing

Chingy: She did not care

Michael: She was (indistinct)

Mark: Everyone was grooving to their song

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Yeah

Michael: That makes sense

Brennan: Yeah, it does start to cut in-between them on the soundtrack too, as he gets closer and closer to the room. We do hear them screechin'

Mark: Yeah

Nay: I love the noises that happen every time Golden, or Gold is about to--

Brennan: Oooh

Nay: Pop up

Mark: It is Golden

Nay: Golden

Mark: Yeah

Nay: Silver and Golden. Okay, yeah. I love it

Michael: (chuckles) Such a weird movie

Nay: Well, when you first watched it, Michael--

Michael: I didn't like it

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I watched it again today, actually, and enjoyed it a lot more

Nay: What changed?

Michael: Well I read this really great article just about like, how for a lot of trans folks, they look at The Little Mermaid as a trans tale, and like reading it through that POV, it just made me appreciate what was happening more. And then reading what the director was saying about it, and for her she also looked at the mermaids as a metaphor for immigration and how especially in Europe, for young women like that they're usually-- during immigration, anything like that they're--

Mark: Exploited

Michael: Exploited. Put in any kind of sex work, that kind of stuff. So it made me look at the movie, as opposed to like, just this "fish pussy mermaid tale" as like an actual like, "Holy shit, there's actually something really relevant and deep going on here."

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: So watching it a second time I was like, "Okay. I get it. I get it!" Like it took someone telling me, essentially, and also kind of getting where the director was coming from? It was her first film, which is like kinda crazy

Mark: Insanely impressive

Nay and Chingy: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Does everyone-- 'coz this movie does play along with the Hans Christian Andersen Little Mermaid--

Chingy: It does, it does

Mark: Plot points, but like Hans Christian Andersen goes to an even crazier place, like beyond the sea foam aspect--

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: Wow

Mark: Which, does everyone know this? (To Chingy) You know

Chingy: I do

Mark: Do you wanna, would you care to do the honors? It's so fucked up!

Chingy: I can't. I would love for you to expound on it and then I would love to elaborate on certain things that I feel about it

Mark: So, so like in, like for Silver, Silver. It was Silver, right?

Michael: Silver and Golden

Chingy: Silver's the one that's like, yeah

Mark: Right

Michael: Silver's the one in love

Mark: Who gets her legs and loses her voice and then when Polish Evan Peters--

Chingy: Yeah, Polish Evan Peters is what we're calling the bassist

Mark: Spurns her and marries another, and she goes to the wedding and she dances and she is there, and it's an incredibly moving sequence. So like in The Little Mermaid, you know, she is going to hug him. And instead of devouring her ex-lover to survive, she decides not to, and so she turns to seafoam and disappears. Now, The Lure takes that as Silver's logical conclusion end-of-life. Hans Christian Andersen, who as Michael said, probably hated women, goes one better, or worse, depending on how you look at it. Which is that Ariel turns to seafoam, but that's not her release. She then has to spend a few centuries being the wind and constantly being at the back and call of men who are hot--

Nay: No

Chingy: Oh God. Yeah, he probably hated women

Mark: Who need a breeze

Michael: (chuckling) Like physically hot

Mark: Who need a breeze. And worse (laughing) because this is a story being told to children, it ends with--

Michael: He doesn't only hate children

Mark: It ends with, "And by the way, if that makes you sad, extra time gets tacked on to Ariel's sentence every time a child is naughty."

Nay: Jesus Christ. This is bad as hell. Like, you're wind forever

Michael: Yeah

Mark: And you know Ariel heard that and she's like, (sotto voce) "Motherfucker! I'm so fucked!"

Chingy: She was like, "I was gonna do my time, get through it…"

Mark: Yeah!

Michael: "Make them feel cooler for five seconds."

Mark: So, um, yeah. That's like, I was like, wow, that is really awful!

Chingy: Well see, I knew the part that when she walks on the feet, it feels like knives every time. I didn't know the wind part

Mark: Yeah. The wind part's really--

Chingy: The wind part, that's, that's a lot. I was like, okay, you just went--

Michael: That's dark

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: "Every time a child is naughty, Ariel falls down a flight of stairs." It's just like--

Michael: Fuck

Chingy: 'Cause she didn't listen to Dad? All right, yeah

Mark: Yeah, I mean, good lord

Nay: Yeah

Mark: So anyway

Chingy: But yeah, I liked that Golden-- it's Golden, we're yes, Golden, not Gold

Michael: Yes

Mark: Yes

Michael: Golden is the one with dark hair

Chingy: Yes

Mark: Yes

Michael: Silver has blond hair

Mark: I found myself getting--

Chingy: It's very confusing, yeah

Michael: I actually had to write it down 'coz the names--

Mark: They made--

Michael: Golden should actually go with the blond hair, but whatever

Chingy: But it's like, what if Ariel had a friend that gave a shit about her and was just like, "Hey, don't do this! Seriously, don't do this. Like, I will murder someone to save you."

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Yeah. And she's like, "Men are tasty. You actually can just fuck them, eat them and be done with it."

Michael: Isn't that how they survive anyway, right? They eat men's hearts?

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: She's just like, "I just wanna eat men's hearts and then swim to America, and like, eat hearts there!"

Nay: (laughing) Yeah!

Mark: So it was around this section-- the movie didn't lose me--

Michael: Just bounced around a lot

Mark: But I definitely had a moment where I was like, I'm feeling like I don't know what this music video that I just stepped into is doing and maybe I'm thick and I don't get it…

Chingy: No, we were all--

Nay: We all talked about it, yeah

Michael: Yeah, it's--

Mark: Okay, but--

Chingy: Is it the poison part?

Michael: She had sex with the cop, then what

Chingy: I don't think that she was a cop

Mark: Well, I mean I love, I love--

Chingy: I love that

Michael: But she was on the news, talking about it

Mark: I love that when she has sex with a woman, it's like, great. It's great

Nay: Yo

Chingy: I don't think we actually see Golden-- it's so confusing. We don't actually see Golden actually sleep with a man, I think?

Michael: No, we don't

Mark: That's true

Chingy: I think we only see her eating men

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Yeah. We only see her feeding

Mark: Yeah. She only sleeps with that lady cop

Chingy: I also--

Mark: (chuckling) I have to call her that because she sings a song called about like, "Taking You to Disneyland". I was like, "Oh, I like it!"

Chingy: Yeah. Yeah. It's a great song. That was-- that and the weird nursing scene were the two reasons why I was like, "I wanna do this movie!"

Michael: Yes!

Mark: Ohhh. Well, so I absolutely love those sequences, totally agree. What I am referring to is that after (pause to think) Golden eats--

Michael: (laughing)

Mark: I know! Why is this so hard?

Michael: 'Cause their hair colors was throwin' me

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: 'Coz Silver has golden hair almost

Mark: Right! That's what it is!

Michael: That's what it totally is! Yeah

Chingy: That's what it is

Mark: So after Golden eats that guy's heart, and then sort of like crawls with his heart in her mouth into the pond and I was just like, I love that it's this static shot and she was like, (grunt grunt) just tryin' to get down there

Chingy: Yes!

Michael: I also love--

Mark: I was like, "This movie's fucking insane. I love it." But it really is the My So-Called Life of cannibal mermaid movies, it's great

Michael: What's the Felicity?

Mark: The Felicity (laughs) of horny cannibal mermaids?

Nay: The drama

Mark: But following that, when the lure group watch-- see that news bit--

Michael: Right

Mark: Where it's like, (newscaster voice) "There was a guy found with his heart eaten," (normal voice) whatever and they were all like, "Uh-oh." I liked that they were like, "We're gonna punch them out and roll them up in a rug and throw them overboard." Like, "We don't want any part of that"? I was like, I get that. I get that

Chingy: But the following three scenes

Nay: Yeah, I dunno

Mark: But then the following three scenes of them--

Chingy: Murdering each other? Fighting?

Mark: Trying to kill each other

Michael: Yeah, what was happening?

Chingy: They're trying to kill each other

Michael: Were they a family family?

Chingy and Mark: Nnno

Mark: Krisiya and not!Evan Peters were--

Chingy: They had names???

Mark: I know.

Michael: I don't remember anyone else's name

Mark: They were together

Michael: Okay. I thought he was their son

Mark: And--

Chingy: Polish Dad

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: Well, the guy who punches the--

Chingy: The drummer

Michael: Old No-Thumb

Chingy: (laughing) Old No-Thumb!

Michael: Who has a thumb later on in the movie

Mark: Right. Right. Oh, that was so great. Oh, fabulous moment

Chingy: Did he have a thumb later on?

Michael: Yeah, he had a thumb later on

Mark: (sotto voce) Oh my God

Chingy: Oh my God!

Michael: When he was like, weirdly dancing at the wedding, there's like--

Nay: Oh my God

Chingy: I love it. Because (indistinct)--

Brennan: Was he Polish?

Michael: Yeah, I was like, "I see both thumbs!"

Chingy: I remember that now

Brennan: Polish prosthetic science in the Eighties was just really on point

Michael: On the ball?

Chingy: It was there. They could take your lower half and that's--

Nay: Oh my God

Mark: Okay, first off the fact that she's like, laid out on that ice--

Nay: Ooof

Mark: Like sushi is amazing

Nay: Yes

Michael: It's so great

Mark: It's such a horrifying sequence, and a hilarious sequence and like--

Michael: The long table she's on?

Chingy: It's ridiculous

Mark: It's insane

Chingy: But no, that sequence with first, they're like, trying to kill each other?

Mark: Beat each other up?

Chingy: And just screaming at each other

Mark: And then they seem like they're nodding out on heroin?

Michael: Yeah

Chingy: It's like they're dead

Nay: Right!

Michael: Right! I thought they were dead, too

Mark: And then I was like, "Who is this blonde lady giving them IVs?"

Chingy: She was from the first scene

Michael: Yeah!

Chingy: She was from like, she was the exotic dancer in the first scene

Mark: Oh, riiiight

Michael: Ohhhh!

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: That was dancing, yeah. Like as part of their performance

Chingy: And at the end of the movie, she's with Old No-Thumbs

Michael: She's on the bench, right?

Chingy: No, she's with Old No-Thumbs, dancing

Michael: Oh!

Chingy: Whereas Krisiya, I am learning their names--

Michael: Is on the bench with another woman--

Chingy: Is on the bench

Michael: Who looked just like her, as well

Chingy: They all look the same

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Okay. This was a digression that personally, I could have done without. I feel though, that based on the overall intelligence of the movie-- I mean, this movie has a Teen Witch-style musical number in a Polish mall

Michael: Yeah, that was amazing

Chingy: That was really good

Michael: I had to rewind it and be like, "Wait."

Mark: That was actually like amazing!

Michael: I was like, "Did I miss something? Are they famous now?"

Nay: Yeah. I love it

Mark: I was like, "Oh my God!"

Chingy: Just a lot of non-sequiturs.

Michael: Well, yeah!

Mark: Yeah!

Chingy: This is the thing. "Now we're here." It's crazy!

Michael: Well, yeah. Polish Daddy one minute is being accused by Polish Mommy--

Chingy: Of fuckin' the fish

Michael: Of fuckin' the fish, and the next minute--

Chingy: While she's fantasizing about

Nay: Yes

Michael: He's like punching the fish in the face

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: I'm like, "Wait. Did I have a bad copy here?"

Nay: She's like, "Let me smell your fingers."

Michael: Yeah

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: But I don't think he fucked the fish

Mark: No, I don't think so

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I don't think so either

Mark: I think it was just like her paranoia

Chingy: She was projecting, 'coz she was (indistinct)

Mark: She was paranoid

Michael: What did he say, "Ate herring earlier?"

Chingy: And she's like on her fingers and it's like, yeah, you eat with your hands. I don't, I mean I don't know how Polish people eat

Michael: Ugh, so gross

Mark: Yeah, what did he say? Like, "I ate herring earlier?"

Michael: Ughhhh!

Nay: Yeah, "I had herring."

Michael: A jar of herring?

Mark: I was like, "Scope, motherfucker!"

Michael: Soap? Wash your fuckin' hands!

Nay: Stainless steel

Mark: Lis-👏te-👏rine!

Michael: I also love the police report when they're like, "We saw footprints and an amphibian trail." I'm like, "Did you not notice that the trail was like, six feet wide and like four hundred feet long?"

Nay: Yo. That scale Silver pulled out of her tail--

Michael: Yeah

Nay: Actually what I first thought was that she was gonna slit his throat with it. I don't know why

Michael: Oooh, that would've been cool!

Chingy: 'Coz you wanted a happy ending

Nay: (laughing) Yes! Exactly. Ew, that was so gross

Mark: That character really broke my heart

Nay: Silver?

Michael: Yeah

Mark: For as wacky as the movie could be, the last moments, especially the final shot I found so, kind of sad--

Nay: Mmm-hmm

Mark: And just, I dunno. It's really stuck with me

Michael: I actually really thought when after she had her surgery and she's running on the treadmill, and then they start making out? I literally thought at some point like her body was gonna slide off

Nay: Oooofff

Mark: (grossed out) Aaaahhhh

Michael: Or like, something is gonna happen on that treadmill. And then it was like, visually even more horrifying when his face was like, it's like, "How dare you get your blood on me?"

Chingy: "Your blood from scars you've got"?

Michael: Like he's grossed out

Nay: Like, you saw what that scar looked like

Chingy: You could have just waited!

Nay: Yeah

Michael: And the director, I believe it was the director or the producer related it to like, her having her period and men, chauvinist men freaking the fuck out that--

Chingy: Yeah. Being scared of period sex?

Michael: Yeah

Nay: Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. I found myself--

Mark: Yeah. Embrace the red wings, motherfucker

Nay: Seriously. Grow the fuck up.

Michael: Yeah. Get your--

Mark: I say that as a total purebred gay, but I like to think--

Nay: At least in theory

Michael: You would so go down there?

Mark: If I were straight or bi, "It's okay, babe." I'd be like, "It's cool, babe."

Nay: Or a man that has a period

Michael: (laughing) Oh my God! "Babe. Bring it over here."

Nay: (singing) "Period sex…"

Mark: (joins in) "Period sex…"

Chingy: Oh my God, I'm so happy you were thinking the same thing as me, I love Crazy Ex-girlfriend so much! It's so good

Nay: I love it so much

Chingy: But I was hearing "Period Sex" in my head, too

Mark: For women specifically, what are the differences-- I don't mean-- this might be a stupid question

Brennan: What are the differences between men and women? Go!

Mark: "What's a penis?" Um, no. What are the differences in terms of like, period sex and sex when you are not having your period. Are there tangible differences physically for you in terms of pleasure or pain or what-have-you… I'm genuinely curious

Nay: Well…

Mark: Is that a stupid question?

Nay: Oh, no! I don't think-- it's definitely not a stupid question. I'm just like, "How much of this am I gonna talk about right now?"

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: Ohhhhh!

Michael: How much time you got?

Nay: (laughing) "How much time you got?"

Chingy: I wear gloves all the time, so it's like…

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Like all the time, I'm wearing them right-- no. I wear nitrile gloves for sex in general--

Mark: Right

Chingy: Because I am a slut and have like sex with multiple people, and I want to be safe--

Mark: Right

Chingy: So I just use nitrile gloves in general, but it's the same. I dunno. There's just blood there

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Get in the sandbox. Gonna make a castle, you know what I'm sayin'?

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: I feel like sometimes depending on how your hormones are set up, like maybe you're extremely horny during your period.

Chingy: For sure. Yeah

Nay: Like hornier than you are-- some people find themselves the most horny while they're on their period, so they're like--

Mark: Got it

Michael: (sotto voce) "I wanna be…"

Nay: "You gonna fuck me."

Mark: So, there you go

Michael: (chuckling) "You gonna fuck me"

Nay: You know? But other than that, I'm-- (laughing) "You gonna fuck me"

Mark: (as Hulk Hogan) "Let me tell you something!"

Nay: But, you know, physically I'm just like, "There's some blood there."

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Just pretend it's cherry lube, in the words of Rachel Bloom

Nay: I'm like, "There's a puppy pad down anyways, don't worry about it."

Mark: Wooo!

Michael: Ernie! (The sound guy)

Mark: Ernie's like, "I walked out for five minutes…"

Chingy: You can't see it but he's giving us a look like, "You're spectacular."

Mark: I love it

Chingy: Always a puppy pad, always nitrile gloves

Nay: Yeah

Mark: I love it!

Nay: We good to go, bruh. I mean, we're not worried about it

Mark: Love it

Nay: Doesn't stop nothin' but a sentence, isn't that what the saying is? "A period doesn't end anything but a sentence"?

Mark: Oh, I never heard that before

Chingy: I like that

Mark: I like that, too

Chingy: But as far as like, all the blood and stuff, it also does just very clearly seem to be a really direct thing about trans women and like, transitioning it seems like--

Mark: The movie?

Chingy: Yeah, the movie!

Mark: Oh my God! Well, I don't feel particularly equipped to talk about that, but I would love for this to be part of the discussion, certainly

Chingy: I don't either, but in general, the subtext of it-- there's not even really subtext. Someone straight up says to her, "You want a pussy, huh?"

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: And that person is coded as a trans character, it seems

Brennan: Oh yeah

Chingy: And--

Mark: Was it the woman--

Michael: The woman smoking

Brennan: The woman smoking out front

Mark: The one who's like (gruff voice) "Here, have your first cigarette!"

Chingy: She's like, "Have a cigarette," and literally is just like, "So you want a pussy, huh? You'll lose your voice though."

Brennan: That's Ursala. She's Ursala

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: See, okay, so humans know the lore of what will happen to these mermaids, but everyone is amazed to see these mermaids

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Yeah, that's really funny--

Chingy: That's what I was thinking

Michael: She is essentially the one that tells her what could happen to her, righr?

Chingy: Yeah, she's like, "You're gonna lose your voice." And she's like, "How do you know this?"

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: Is she…? Yeah, I don't get it

Brennan: Everyone's weirdly cool with the fact that they're mermaids 'coz everybody knows

Nay: Yo, chill!

Chingy: Everybody loses their shit

Nay: (chuckles) Yeah

Mark: That's one of the things that I love about the movie, is that it's so deadpan in terms of like, it's clearly taking place-- it's a brilliant touch to not make that an issue because it really allows the movie to get to, just really focus on the characters in terms of, and the themes that it wants to study, such as male/female relationships or what it means to be a trans person, or an immigrant. Especially an immigrant woman in Poland at a certain time. And the fact that everyone's like, "Oh yeah, wow. Mermaids. Fuck. Hey, you should be in the show!"

Chingy: It's really good at getting to the point

Mark: Yeah!

Chingy: Which leads to a lot of the non-sequiturs--

Michael: Right

Nay: Yeah

Mark: That's what makes it funny

Chingy: And then it's also like, they just met. Or she gets, Silver gets blood on Polish Evan Peters. Evan Peters goes to a sound engineer to get tape recorded

Michael: Jizzes as they're getting married

Chingy: Jizzes. They're getting married now

Mark: Yeah, and like Robyn is in the studio or something

Michael: That's when I was like, "Wait. She's still on crutches, so it can't be that long after her surgery, but she's gonna marry him…"

Nay: (scoffs) Yo, I was so uncomfortable!

Chingy: Yeah

Nay: Watching her try to walk, try to live her, live in this new body--

Chingy: That she changed for this person

Nay: That she changed for this person! And then when she pulls her clothes off, I'm like, "Oh, they--" 'coz to me, if someone pulled off their clothing, I know they're rehabilitating from this major surgery--

Mark: Yeah, you'd think

Chingy: You'd expect--

Nay: And I see the stitches and the-- my first thought, I mean, I might be thinking, "This person is attractive 'coz that's boo, that's my boo, y'know, but I'm gonna fuck this person now?" No, that's not what I'm thinking. I'm literally--

Mark: "Do you want some soup?"

Nay: Yeah, I'm so like empathetic, I'm cringing for them with every step

Michael: "Do you want your bandages changed?"

Chingy: Yeah. "Let me clean this for you."

Michael: Yeah

Nay: Yeah, like, "Let's give this some time."

Mark: Well that's what's-- you know, the more we talk about it and the more we think about it--

Michael: "Would you want me to rub some petroleum jelly on it?"

Mark: Whether you decide to look at The Lure as a trans allegory or an immigrant allegory or just as a sort of allegory of everything that women do for men that ends up going unappreciated, The Lure really belongs next to Teeth on the "Men are trash" shelf of the video store

Chingy: It really does

Michael: Well the--

Nay: I love it

Michael: I can't remember if it was the writer or the director… it must have been the writer 'coz their big take on the script was that it was a satire on chauvinistic objectification and how horrible men are

Chingy: Yeah, and they really push it hard

Michael: Yeah. Even the one song is like, "The city will tell us what we lack."

Mark: Ugh

Michael: Like, fuck!

Chingy: Yeah, I noticed that. Yeah Yeah yeah

Michael: I'm like, okay. And that's another reason why. watching it a second time and knowing a little more about where just they were coming from as far as like, making the movie, I started like, "How did I not see this the first time i watched it?" But as soon as I saw that song a second time, I was like, "Shit, this movie does have a lot to say."

Nay: I keep thinking about when Golden poured the water on her legs--

Mark: Mmmm

Nay: When she was in bed, about to sleep with the lady cop

Mark: Uh-huh

Nay: That was amazing

Michael: Lickin' those scales

Chingy: So, I have a question pertinent to that. Are (Golden and Silver) explicitly said to be sisters in the movie?

Brennan: I think they are

Nay: I thought they were, but I guess I don't know if they were

Chingy: 'Cause I--

Mark: The relationship feels-- Oh sorry, go ahead

Chingy: No, it does feel very sisterly but also it feels like a lot of the time Golden is jealous--

Nay: Yes

Chingy: Of who--

Michael: Of whoever's with Silver?

Chingy: And they could just be incestuous cannibal mermaids, it's not that far of a stretch

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: They could still be sisters, yeah. But like, there's that scene where they are in the mall where Silver grabs Golden's face and like pulls it really close--

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: And then pulls away and Golden looks upset

Nay: Yeah!

Chingy: It's like, "I love you! Why aren't you noticing and spending time with me? Why are you wasting your time and changing yourself for this dude?" And, I dunno

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Which is interesting 'coz Golden was the one who decided that she wanted to stay and like, play, in the beginning, right? Like she was like, "Let's hang out here for a little bit and see what happens."

Chingy: But she was also watching Silver and she was like, "You're gonna fall for that dude. Don't do that."

Nay: "You're gonna fall in love." Yeah

Chingy: "Let's just go to America soon."

Mark: You know, it's interesting you're bringing up something a little bit more, the end ends up being a little bit more of a dance between all the characters, not just between Silver and, um…

Chingy: Polish Evan Peters

Mark: Polish Evan Peters. Or as we can call him now, "Pep".

Chingy: Good ol' Pep!

Mark: Is that she's making, if Silver's making this choice to y'know, "No, I'm gonna let him live. I love him enough that I'm gonna let him go." It's very tragic and selfless of her. And what's interesting is that Golden seems to know from the very beginning what is going to happen here, and yet she loves, and if and if there actually is a quasi-lesbian element to their affair, unrequited to their relationship as you're inferring, which I think is actually really smart. I would like to watch the movie again to study that. But she loves Silver enough to let her go and do something. And so, it's wild to me how this movie manages to smuggle in these deeply melancholy, deeply sad themes throughout this like, wacky. wacky, wacky fuckin' movie. And I dunno. It just really hit me hard at the end. Those credits rolled and I was just like, (gasps, sighs)

Chingy: Yeah. Yeah

Michael: Yeah, I was surprised it worked for me just from the standpoint that like, I don't think (Pep) ever did anything that she, why she would love him?

Nay: Oh, yeah

Chingy: What he did was, when she was--

Mark: He ''was in the band, Michael! He was in a band!''

Michael: (effeminate voice) "He starred in American Horror Story.")

Chingy: When they were doing the dance scene at the mall, (Silver) spins too fast and gets a nosebleed and he picks her up. That's it. And then she's like...

Mark: (dully) Wow. (normal voice) I mean--

Brennan: That's how straight people work

Michael: He Eighties teen comedy'd her?

Chingy: Straight women are like, "When he…"

Nay: "When he doesn't shit on the carpet"? Oh my God! There's this-- I was, yes, you know, there's this meme right now--

Chingy: That's what I literally was-- (laughing)

Nay: And it's like, "Nobody (colon) nothing." And then "Straight Girls: When he doesn't shit on the carpet" with like hearts for eyes. Yes, exactly. Bar's so low

Chingy: It's such a low bar!

Mark: It's true. It takes so little. And you know, this applies obviously to gay men too, y'know, anybody who is attracted to men, sometimes it's so easy to get dickmatized

Michael: Gay men just need to see a pic of an abs and they're--

Chingy: Did you say, "Dickmatized"?

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: I've never heard that term before

Mark: What's that?

Michael: Like, some gay men just need to see a picture of abs and they're set

Nay: Or horny. Oh my God

Mark: There's that, there's that. But that ends up being more about their own narcissism and what they think, like, "Oh, this is part of the matching set of my life"

Michael: Right. Boyfriend twins?

Mark: But you know, like my playset that I exist in? I dunno. People are fuckin' weird.

Chingy: Lesbians have those. We have "Dyke Likes"

Brennan: Oooh!

Chingy: Yeah

Mark: Same principle

Chingy: It's where you look exactly the same, yeah. I always say there's two types of lesbians. Lesbians who date someone who looks exactly like them, and lesbians who date someone who looks exactly like someone from their past that they can't quite put their finger on.

Mark: Somebody online said this past week that a gay version of Us wouldn't work because gay people, we would just fuck our--

Michael: Just end up dating their doppelgangers

Chingy: I love Golden. Golden is great

Michael: Yeah, she's great

Mark: She's got that great, she's got a great face too, because sometimes you look at her from the side-- I love the actors, if you look at them from one angle they can be kind of plain. And then you look at her head-on and you're just kind of, "Oh, Jesus." Like feral sex monster, I love it

Chingy: Yeah. Golden knows that she's being sexualized and fetishized. She gets that. Silver doesn't--

Michael: Mmm-mmm

Chingy: Golden uses it

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: At that point where she first goes and kills the guy, another guy comes up to her and is just like, "You know I have a thing for you." And she's just like--

Chingy and Mark: (almost in unison) "I love you. Don't tell anyone."

Mark: So great

Michael: That's so great

Chingy: And I was like, "You bitch. I love you. I love that!"

Michael: Apparently that actress plays a sphynx cat in a short by the same director

Nay: Yeah, I can see that

Chingy: I can see it, yeah

Michael: So I kinda wanna see that, because she's really good at destructive animals

Nay: Yeah, I'll watch that

Mark: And that's yet another way the movie works so well, is that it-- because the movie starts out with them standing up stark naked, turning around just sort of like, "You wanna see my lack of butthole? Sure."

Nay: He like, lifts her leg up

Mark: Yeah. "I got no kitty either, you know what I mean?"

Michael: I actually wrote down, "No buttholes"

Chingy: I also wrote that!

Michael: I wrote a note: "No buttholes or vaginas," in case I forgot!

Chingy: I wrote, "No holes, but they got fish pussy" in all caps

Mark: Yeah! I love how unabashedly completely matter-of-fact they are. They stand up and are just like, "Yeah! Neat club you got here! Like, whatever." It's great!

Michael: Well, the thing that's so brilliant about that is they're jumping on a couch like they're jumping on a bed, like they're two little kids

Mark: Right. Exactly

Michael: That's what I love about them

Chingy: They're like, "A breadstick? I'd love one!" You've never had a breadstick?

Nay: Same

Mark: And the journey of them being like that, Chingy, what you're describing, is realizing that she's in a game that she can either play or be played

Chingy: Mmm-hmm

Mark: And that's yet another way The Lure is just, in ninety minutes--

Michael: I want more tales of Golden

Nay: Yes!

Mark: Just ninety minutes, sneaks so much stuff in, it's amazing

Michael: I hope Golden found another fish person

Nay: When I first saw Silver, I thought that Silver was just going to start eating mad people just 'cause of those eyes

Michael: Same

Chingy and Mark: Mmm-hmm

Nay: I was like, "Those all black eyes? She about to eat people left and right," y'know?

Mark: Yep

Michael: Yeah. That thumb bite

Chingy: I love that bite!

Michael: So fuckin' good

Mark: Oh, it was so fuckin' good

Michael: So good

Mark: She was like, "I forgive you. Om-nom-nom-nom!"

Nay: So when the lady cop is tribbing the mermaid's cell--

Chingy: Oh yeah?

Nay: (sighs) So fucking amazing

Chingy: What did you guys think of the lyrics and music in it?

Mark: Wonderful

Michael: Some were great, some I was like, "Okay."

Mark: Well, look. I don't think you can fully judge those lyrics--

Michael: True

Mark: They're translated from Polish

Michael: True

Chingy: And they're translated to, at least on the Amazon translation I was watching, they're all translated to rhyme, like in English

Nay: Ohh

Michael: Oh, yeah. I watched on iTunes and they definitely were

Nay: Mine was, yeah. I watched it on YouTube, yeah

Mark: The Criterion version is translated to rhyme

Michael: Okay, that's the version I watched

Nay: I wonder what version we watched?

Mark: I feel like that might be the only edition that exists on multiple platforms

Michael: Mine said "Criterion Collection" on iTunes

Mark: But here's the thing. Like, you know, is that some of the-- I love all the melodies. Do I think that some of the lyrics I was kind of, (out of the side of his mouth) "What? Okay, sure." (normal voice) But at the same time, the fact that the very first song started out like, "Here, boys! Come here! We're not gonna eat you!"

Nay: "We're not gonna eat you!"

Chingy: "We won't eat you! We won't eat you!"

Mark: The fact that that wit was there…

Chingy: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: That it was so clearly meant to make you laugh right out from the top, I was just like, okay. Clearly these must be incredibly intelligent lyrics that we're only sort of getting, like--

Nay: Mmm-hmm

Chingy: Anything I didn't necessarily get, I was like, "It's probably a Polish thing."

Mark: Yeah. Exactly

Chingy: "I was talking about ravens packing at nuts" in the lyrics of a song? It's probably a Polish thing. I dunno

Mark: I guess we'll never know!

Chingy: Yeah!

Michael: I liked the differences in them. Like you'd be in a very somber song, and then you're in the aisles of a grocery store trying on shoes

Mark: Oh

Michael: In the Legally Blonde version

Chingy: I really liked the couplet, "They asked for fruity and amare, and now they're going to be sorry." I was like, oh, that's supposed to rhyme. Okay. Alright, I'm now understanding what's happening here

Mark: I remember that moment! And I remember being like, "All right, The Lure. You win."

Chingy: There was like, "Daddy has no buts regarding sluts." I'm like, "All right." I was like, "Okay."

Nay: That was a stretch

Mark: That was the one where I was like, "Ohhh-kay."

Mark: Well, I love this movie

Michael: I do, too

Nay: Me, too

Mark: I love that--

Nay: Yeah, thank you so much

Mark: You suggested this as a topic

Chingy: I was so glad to do it

Mark: The leather bars really do need to be integrated, gender-wise

Chingy: They really do. I used to live in the Bay Area and it feels way more integrated there

Mark: Yeah

Chingy: The leather scene here (in Los Angeles) is very not integrated

Mark: Nope

Chingy: I was one of like, eight, at an event at Faultline recently and it's just like I need it to--

Mark: (softly) Oh my God

Chingy: I'm really-- yeah. I'm excited to get more L.A. lesbians and queers in general into leather

Mark: Love it!

Chingy: And leather queer dance party

Mark: Hear hear

Michael: Cool!

Chingy: It's all about working out your mommy issues

Nay: Okay

Nay: Where can people find you on social media?

Chingy: "TheGayChingy" is my social media

Michael: Great!

Chingy: There was a rapper from the early 2000s named Chingy

Nay: Oh yeah. "I like the way you do that right therre…"

Chingy: Yeah. "Tap that all of the day…". I'm not gonna do that again

Michael: What the hell was that?

Chingy: And I'm the gay one, so "TheGayChingy". I post lots of stuff there. A lot of memes

Nay: Really good memes

Chingy: Thank you.

Nay: Yeah

Chingy: Yeah. I do my best. It's so funny. No matter how many articles I write, if I like do stand-up or anything, people are always gonna be like, "Oh, you make those memes, right?" And I'm like, "Uh, yeah, I'm the meme bitch, that's me."

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