Episode 15: "Gimme the Chucky" (w/ Jeff Nelson!)

''This week, the queers are joined by Jeff Nelson of Scream Factory to break down one of the newest titles in their catalogue: 1991’s SINGLE WHITE FEMALE! Nay dissects racist want ads, Mark presents his Clueless hypothesis, Michael debuts another phrase that might make you throw up in your mouth just a little, and Jeff shares a Halloween costume that is soon to be a perennial favorite. Plus, in Tea Time, we sip on BLACK XMAS, THE L WORD, and 90 DAY FIANCÉ. ''

Trivia
Everyone (except Mark) is extremely tired this episode. Mark adds Peter Friedman to his roster of impressions.

Topics brought up during the episode: Michael C. Hall, Blu-ray.com review of Single White Female, buy the Blu-ray from Scream Factory, Bridget Fonda retired from acting, (socials for Jeff and Scream/Shout Factory), Instagram heart-eyes comment for Mark

Tea Time
Michael: Forever (Amazon series)

Mark: Finally finished Sharp Objects

Nay: The L Word season 1

Jeff: 90 Day Fiance, Silent Night, Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1974), Black X-Mas

Shady Summaries
Michael: A Tale of Two Beckys or White girls be white girling

Mark: Quasi-lesbian fiasco seeks basic-ass straight girl with Chucky haircut for sisterhood and open door showering. Utilities included.

Michael: Ahhh, Chucky's haircut

Mark: (Bridget Fonda) does have Chucky's haircut

Nay: She does

Mark: Or, or, hear me out. At times when I looked at Allie and her hair, I thought that if you just shaved the crown of her head, she would have the Friar Tuck. And then as soon as I realized that, and that sort of popped in for me early on in the running time, and then I spent the rest of the movie picturing her with a big fat fucking bald spot and like, this woman-in-peril, but with the Friar Tuck

Brennan: They should make a Bridget Fonda Wooly Willy

Jeff: I'm not following that. You guys got me beat. All I've got is like, "Jennifer Jason Leigh is a psycho bitch." That's tepid, that's basic bitch

Nay: Yeah, I don't-- nothing like that. I just have lots of thoughts

Jeff: The Chucky cut is perfect

Nay: The Chucky cut is iconic

Michael: Like, what do you do, go to your (stylist), "Gimme the Chuck. Gimme the Chuckster."

Jeff: "I've got a surprise for you!"

Nay: "I'm Allie, wanna play?"

Michael: She like, "I have the picture!" And just pulls out a picture of Chucky

Pride Float
Mark: So, does this movie get a Pride float?

Nay: I dunno. Let us know.

Jeff: Yeah

Nay: Do you think so? In Ninety-two or 2018?

Jeff: I was trying to envision what this float would look like, you know?

Michael: That big giant head

Jeff: That big giant high heeled shoe and like...

Mark: Oooh

Jeff: A bunch of Hedys and Allies all dancing around

Nay: That's so fun

Jeff: And just kind of having a, I don't know, with some New York stuff?

Michael: I just see a giant float of that haircut. Fucking nothing else

Mark: Nothing else

Jeff: Just coming down, "Single White Female".

Mark: Just this unidentified flying haircut

Michael: I mean, nothing on it, nobody on it, no sign

Mark: Silence

Jeff: Is this- okay, this would be a good question 'cause you guys did The Fan, I listened to that, that's one of my all-time favorites

Nay: We gotta do (something)

Michael: Such a great movie

Jeff: If on The Fan, you were to do a gayometer, and ten being like, Rocky Horror. Where would you put The Fan?

Michael: Like on a…?

Jeff: On the gayometer

Mark: I would give it a five

Michael: Yeah. Five or six

Jeff: Five or six. So where would you put, I put Single White Female in the same category.

Mark: yeah

Jeff: I would say that it is- does it have campy musical numbers? Of course it doesn't. But the lesbian overtones, undertones, the gay upstairs neighbor, Don Roos is the screenwriter, there's a lot of queerness

Mark: Yep

Nay: Having someone live in your apartment not on the lease, like honestly, that's super gay

Jeff: A blowjob scene, I mean there're just, you throw... a catfight at the end to up the camp factor

Michael: Yeah it's pretty queer

Jeff: I would say it's in the five or six, okay, so maybe not a dancing Hedy on the float. That was in my mind

Mark: Maybe even a seven, because as you reminded us, because we, you know, we love to gripe and we can't have nice things, that for even 1992, Graham being introduced as--

Jeff: Yes

Mark: Not living with AIDS

Michael: Just another person

Jeff: Yeah

Mark: And not being weak or being generally unhappy

Nay: Yeah

Mark: That was progress. Now of course Jennifer Jason Leigh takes, you know, a security bar to his face

Jeff: Yes, but then he smashes her head in the wall

Michael: Graham is the only one in the movie, too, that had any fucking common sense

Jeff: Yes, that's true

Mark: That's true. 'Cause he kept saying like, "Loser! Get rid of her!"

Michael: I remember that

Nay: (as Graham) "And by the way, I can hear everything through the vents."

Michael: That was the only mistake he made

Jeff: That was a good one

Michael: Not realizing that Hedy would be hearing everything he's saying

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Nay: Yeah

Michael: (sighs) (as Graham) "She's crazy, get rid of her."

Jeff: I always say, "I can be butch. I get it from my mother." That's a great fucking line.

Nay: Oh my God

Jeff: That's a wonderful line. I've used that

Nay: That is a wonderful line, and I feel that exact same way. I feel like the women in my family, none of them identify as queer, which is just unfortunate 'cause I think maybe they are, which is not my place. But we all do that about our family, right?

Michael: Right

Nay: "I think that one's gay." But they're all some serious midwestern women and I feel like midwestern women be butch. Who the fuck else is pushing your car out of the snow?

Mark, Michael and Jeff: Mmm-hmm

Nay: Yeah. My mom, okay? I feel like when I wanna be butch, I draw directly from Diedre Ann Bevver, my mother

Michael: Oh my God

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Diedre Ann

Nay: Diedre Ann. So feel that

Mark: Okay

Michael: Dab?

Nay: Dab. That is her initials. Dab.

Mark: So I'm kind of partial to Michael's idea of just the haircut floating silently down the street

Nay: Oh yeah, I'm into that

Michael: Silently down the street

Mark: It's just…

Michael: Everyone's hand is up waving and then it just slowly--

Mark: And everyone just trembles in fear as it passes

Michael: Is it Hedy or Allie?

Nay: As a sidecar somewhere, you know I love to throw in some Pride resources

Mark: Of course

Nay: I mean maybe the L.A. Tenants Union or something. Someone's there to talk about your rights as a renter

Mark: (cracking up) Renter's rights

Michael: It needs to do Pride service

Nay: Just something, you know? We all could use better information

Jeff: Oh my God, you guys have made this movie so much better

Mark: Oh, then like a sea of Buddies

Michael and Jeff: Awwww!

Jeff: No, that's sad

Mark: Running

Michael: That live forever?

Jeff: How about a sea of Steven Weber lookalikes?

Mark: Okay

Nay: I think that already is Pride

Mark: Big Wings fan

Jeff: No, big Jeffrey fan

Mark: Oh, no, Jeffrey

Michael: I think Jeffrey is right you guys. That already is Pride

Nay: I'm like, yeah, let's have a bunch of white men at Pride. Oh my God!

Mark: Surprise!

Michael: Bunch of shirtless white men

Mark: I know!

Nay: I like the Buddy sea. That's cute

Michael: It would be so cute

Quotes
Jeff: It's funny because, coming on to the show, I was thinking, you know, the Scream Factory library, we have a lot of gay stuff in there. It is crazy. Death Becomes Her, Carrie, we're gonna talk about Single White Female, you know, there's--

Michael: Urban Legend, which I have in my hand right now, it's queer as hell!

Jeff: Yeah, of course it is. Rebecca Gayheart is about as campy as it could be

Mark: Big, big hair

Michael: Tara Reid. Anything Tara Reid does...

Jeff: Candyman, anything Tony Todd does is hot.

Mark: "Be my victim," is the best pickup line

Nay: I thought you were gonna say, "B-B-C"

Michael: Like the network?

Nay: No

Michael: Ohhhh, I just got it. I'm quick

Jeff: We have Joan Crawford in Strait-jacket. We have The Sentinel, where there is masturbating lesbians

Nay: Oh my God, I love The Sentinel

Mark: Yeah, that's a fucked up movie

Jeff: So there's just like, there's quite a bit of queer horror in there

Mark: An enormous amount. And certainly Single White Female  doesn't disappoint in that area either, so

Michael: S-W-F? Pretty nineties girl band

Nay: True. Imagine a girl band and everyone looks like Allie

Michael: Oh my God. Terrifying

Nay: You could've, my God you could've been something. I want you in a little bit to share with everyone your Halloween costume

Jeff: Yes, I will

Michael: (To Mark) You had mentioned this (about Forever) before too, but any show that really doesn't reveal its premise cards until episode three is pretty fucking awesome. And you had mentioned that and I was like, "Okay. What does he mean? Will I notice?" Yeah, you fuckin' notice

Mark: Yeah, you sure do

Michael: Oooh, and my seat just got h-wet (about Mark finishing Sharp Objects)

Mark: And I'll never smile again

Michael: Gladly

Mark: Yeah. It is a show like, designed to just-- I was excited to finish it, because I had gotten really busy and I had been-- and then I was like, "Oh this is why I took a break." 'Cause it's everything from cutting to Munchausen to rape to disembowelment. Child murder to murdering his children.

Michael: All the showers

Mark: There's not-- it should come with a complementary shower, this show. And I mean that as a compliment. I mean that in a complimentary way. Jean-Marc Vallee is an amazing, amazing director

Michael: I mean that, Big Little Lies, so great

Mark: Stunning. He works with his Quebec contingency. I think he's working with some of the same people he's been working with since Polytechnic, which is a movie we should watch one day, which is one of the scariest movies I've seen, like, ever. And uh, yeah. Obviously it's on HBONow or HBOGo, whichever one you use. And I highly recommend, but I also recommend it--

Michael: With caution?

Mark: Watch with a stuffed animal

Michael: The thing that he does with Sharp Objects and Big Little Lies is that he creates complete worlds. His towns are such characters and the towns in those two shows could not be further apart. And it's so cool

Mark: Yeah. I also, would be wrong not to mention Marti Noxon, who is, you know, a stunning writer and just such a creative force, who contributes, I mean, such vision to the overall feel of the show, but you know, between her writing and his direction and unfortunately I can't remember the name of his editor(s). But the editing in this show is so overwhelming and it creates such, it's so hypnotic

Michael: The performances are amazing, it's so good

Mark: Yeah, Amy Adams is fucking fearless

Nay: You know I love to re-watch an old show. I feel like every week I'm like, "I rewatched such-and-such"

Michael: "For the four hundredth time."

Nay: For the four hundredth time. But I just had to-- sometimes I'm in a certain mood and I need to watch The L Word. And I, yeah, just started with season one again and watched all of season one. And I'm reminded of so many things that I already thought, like, "Ugh, Tina's annoying, Jenny"

Mark: Wait, which is the one they eventually killed?

Nay: Jenny. Jenny Schecter

Mark: Oh my God. She was something else

Nay: But I'm gonna say this out loud, and y'all can @ me when, you know, you wanna fight with me, but this happened the last time I rewatched it and I was reminded when I started again. When I first watched it, I hated Jenny. I thought she was the most horrible, I was happy when she got killed

Mark: That's what I remember. I remember her being, "Oh my God."

Nay: Yes. So fucking annoying. And the older I get, the more times I rewatch it, the more compassion and understanding I gain for her, so I'm hesitant to say, but I kinda get it. Basically, yeah, I think that I had to live and love a little bit. And had to experience a certain kind of heartbreak for me to really understand Jennifer Schechter. And now, I'm like, glad that I didn't go Jenny, you know? But, I, I have like a lot-- there's a lot more depth there than I previously thought because I must have more depth now, or something.

Mark: I'm still glad she's dead

Nay: Oh, yeah. I mean of course. That's never gonna go away.

Michael: Aren't they rebooting that?

Nay: I heard something about that, I heard that, who was it?

Mark: Yes

Michael: A sequel?

Nay: I heard that it was um, Showtime, that's who did it.

Michael: Yeah

Nay: I heard that they were gonna do a reboot, that they were working on that

Michael: 'Bout a newer generation, right?

Nay: Hopefully people who are a little more relatable, you know? Like you don't live in West Hollywood and you're never at work. I don't believe that. You don't have any roommates? I don't believe that. You have no Black friends? I believe that.

Mark: It was a different time. It was a different time.

Nay: It was a different time. I just hope if Pam Grier's ever anywhere near it they just give her a little bit more than she had in the original

Jeff: And then I'm also doing all the Christmas watching, so it's Silent Night, Deadly Night, Black Christmas (1974), To All A Goodnight. You know, the wonderful heartwarming Christmas movies.

Michael: Yeah. I've been wanting to watch Black X-Mas, the remake

Jeff: Yes, I watched that, too

Michael: I haven't caught that in awhile and I'm really itching to see Michelle Trachtenberg get a skate through her head

Jeff: Yep, yep. That is one of those movies where I watch and I say...

Michael: It's great!

Jeff: I dunno if it's great, but, I watch it every year

Michael: It's great in all the wrong ways

Jeff: Yes

Mark: I always have a weird experience watching that movie, because it's very, it's...

Michael: It's icky

Mark: It is icky

Michael: It looks great

Jeff: It looks great

Mark: It looks great, and has the Glen Morgan sort of sheen to it, like in a sense...

Michael: So mean

Jeff: Yes

Mark: I'm probably in the minority; actually I'd have no idea if people like this movie or not--

Jeff: No they did

Michael: It's getting some...

Mark: I actually like their Willard.

Jeff: Which we're releasing in March

Mark: I'm a fan. I mean, it's got Crispin Glover, it's got Laura Harring from Mulholland Drive

Jeff: And from The Forbidden Dance: Lambada. Just thought I'd throw that out there

Mark: Oh my God, yeah. Is that the one where she's trying to save the rainforest?

Jeff: Yeah

Michael: Isn't she also in a movie called The In Crowd?

Jeff: No, Laura Harring is not in that one. But the fact that you know that movie is pretty funny

Mark: I saw The In Crowd in the theater

Jeff: I did, too!

Michael: So did I. I used to have a crush on Matthew Settle. Will Benson?

Mark: This is a real WB rabbit hole. So it's weird, Black X-Mas is such a weird experience because it's competent and yet at the same time, it has none of the charm. And it's weird. It's clever and the Andrea Martin...

Michael: Well, it's also Weinstein, too

Jeff: Yeah

Mark: The Andrea Martin windshield to the icicle death. Like there's movements in it that I'm like, this is witty and interesting, but yet it doesn't quite ever add up to anything

Jeff: But they make the killer yellow. And there's a sister that's a sort of weird White Chicks drag queen thing. It's just at the end, it's just...

Mark: The skin cookies?

Jeff: I'm not kidding, they have...

Michael: Jaundice?

Jeff: Yeah. It's very odd

Michael: It's very bizarre

Nay: What???

Jeff: I'm not kidding

Michael: My favorite part though, is the cookies made out of the mom's back. So great

Jeff: Makes you wanna watch it, right?

Nay: Yeah.

Michael: It's like a fucking fever dream, really. And you know, it went through the whole Bob and Harvey Weinstein machine too, so it got fifty-five different versions of it...

Mark: And you know what it doesn't have?

Michael: Some of 'em were camp, some were gorier, some were straight scares

Jeff: Well, I remember I saw it on Christmas Day,

Michael: So did I

Jeff: I was like, "Oh! This is my Christmas movie." And then I walked out of the movie and I was like, "This is so lame," just like everybody else

Michael: Such a great cast

Jeff: Yeah.

Mark: Every time I look at it, I'm like, "Oh, I could've watched the Margot Kidder one." Margot Kidder is...

Jeff: We put that one out and that one...

Mark: Barb is one of the all-time best horror movie performances ever. It is priceless

Michael: Absolutely

Jeff: I love Mrs. Mack

Mark: (as Mrs. Mack) "Claude!"

Jeff: Mrs. Mack is the best. She's just like, "Goddammit you little prick!"

Mark: (as Mrs. Mack) "Goddammit, Claude!"

Jeff: (to Nay) And you've not seen Black Christmas?

Nay: No

Jeff: The original is so good. It's the prototype of all the original slasher films that came after.

Mark: Oh my God, the original is so good

Jeff: Halloween; stranger in the house and the calls, and POV stalker kills

Michael: Yeah. (to Jeff) Did you almost say "penis"?

Jeff: I almost did

Mark: Penis-cam….

Michael: The original was directed by the guy that ended up directing A Christmas Story

Jeff: And Porky's

Mark and Brennan: And Baby Geniuses

Brennan: And Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Nay: Wow. I think I have seen this

Mark: Producer Brennan??! Hey everyone look, it's Producer Brennan!

Brennan: Hey, it is me. I couldn't not chime in about Black X-Mas.

Michael: Yes please do

Brennan: I think it's fine. I mean, obviously the point of Black Christmas, the original is that it's so subtle and you don't really get to know anything about the killer

Michael: Right

Brennan: And I don't mind getting to know about this crazy go nuts whatever-the-hell backstory is going on with Billy in (Black X-Mas)

Mark: Still inscrutable

Michael: (deep voice) Billy and Agnes.

Brennan: Yeah. But the thing I have a problem with is that most of the girls in that movie are famous for other things. You've got Michelle Trachtenberg, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Lacey Chabert from every Hallmark Christmas movie ever.

Michael: And Katie Cassidy, right?

Jeff: Yup

Brennan: Yeah. They're all styled the exact same way. They're all spritzed the exact same way.

Mark: Yep

Brennan: Watching that movie to me, is like watching that scene in The Last Jedi where there's like eight million Reys and they're all snapping at the same time. I can't tell anyone apart in that movie

Mark: That's pretty true

Jeff: They are pretty interchangeable

Mark: It is white girl soup

Jeff: Yes it is.

Mark: You're just like what's--

Michael: It's like a Bed Bath and Beyond induction film

Nay: Shut the fuck up!

Mark: Isn't Carla Gugino in it, too?

Michael: No, you're thinking of...

Mark: Who is the older sister that shows up?

Michael: She's the teacher from...

Jeff: Final Destination

Michael: And she's married to Morgan or Wong. I can't remember which one

Mark: See? White girl soup. Who knows?

Michael: It's just a tepid bowl of water with no seasoning

Nay: No! (laughter)

Brennan: With Christmas seasoning

Michael: Yeah, I like listening to (Nay's) recaps of shows you've already watched, like your Dexter stuff

Nay: Oh my God

Michael: I was listening to that today and I was like, I want more of Nay's Dexter dreams

Mark: (to Jeff) Nay has had some Dexter dreams

Michael: And I love that in, my favorite part is that he was cutting up a body and he was like, "If this person ever hurts you again..." I'm like, "Nay. He's cuttin' them up."

Nay: Mmm-hmm. Dreams don't make sense

Michael: I was dying. I loved it

Nay: I was telling them last time we recorded that I rewatched Dexter and every time I rewatch Dexter, I have Dexter dreams and uh, yeah

Jeff: Oh my God, you guys all watched like, quality shows. I'm watching like, 90 Day Fiance, trainwreck reality TV

Nay: Nice

Mark: (gasps) I heard that show is insane

Jeff: And it's fucking awful

Michael: Yeah, Mark just finished one of the best

Jeff: It is truly...

Mark: I kind of did

Jeff: Listen. I don't watch reality television shows, but last year I kind of got suckered into it, watching it with a friend of mine

Nay: It's good shit

Jeff: It's awful!

Michael: It's mindless television, though, right?

Jeff: It's so beyond-- the people that they find on that show and who do this. And the best part about it? Is you go on their Facebook page and you see all the comments and everybody's on the same page in like, at home watching, ragging on it

Michael: Yeah, they hate watch it

Jeff: They hate watch it. But it's hysterical, the comments on there are like comedians. So that's kinda working out there, too.

Nay: I always, you know, (to Jeff), you were speaking about watching trash and we all watch-- I actually mostly watch trash

Michael: Same. Right now

Nay: And mostly just watch Instagram. That's actually what I mostly watch. And there is this video really circulating right now of--

Michael: Oprah?

Nay: Oprah! Yeah! (Valley girl) 'We're so sorry!' Where she...

Michael: I was hoping you would bring this up

Mark: The million-dollar chicken! And she tastes it and is like, "Bitch, what?"

Nay: She tastes it and is like, "Um. Did we add salt and pepper?"

Michael: (as Oprah) "Did you salt this?"

Nay: And the lady's like, "No."

Michael: Yeah. No salt or pepper

Mark: (as the white lady) "No, there's actually nothing on it. It's just boiled. I boiled it."

Nay: (as the white lady) "Just boiled chicken." I was losing my shit

Michael: Oprah is literally...

Jeff: I need to see this

Michael: Mouth full, chewing, like, "Bitch. Get off my set."

Nay: Honestly, how dare someone offer me some unseasoned chicken. How could you

Michael: A million dollars

Mark: A million-dollar recipe

Nay: It's white privilege, honestly. Who else is gonna sell a "Million-dollar" bland-ass chicken recipe?

Michael: I don't-- who, like, I wanted to dig into this and I haven't had a chance...

Nay: (as Michael) "I need to do my research"

Michael: Like go and see, was it a chicken contest for women named Becky?

Mark: I'm a chicken truther

Michael: Like, what could be-- How does an unseasoned chicken win a million dollars?

Jeff: Wow

Mark: Nobody knows

Nay: But, thank you

Michael: It was like a gated community contest only

Nay: Michael. You know, I appreciate that, I appreciate Michael. And I think this is very on-topic since we came here this week to actually talk about crazy white women

Mark: Yaaaay!

Brennan: (before playing the trailer) I have done my best to cut out most of the air from this trailer, so you guys don't get bored. We'll see how that goes

Michael: I watched the trailer for the sequel last night and the sequel trailer ends with, "Having a roommate can be a bitch."

Nay: That's the truth

Mark: The sequel, the scenes that I have watched from the sequel, they just seem...

Jeff: They're awful

Mark: Like pornography is about to occur

Michael: Like softcore remake

Brennan: I've seen the entire sequel

Jeff: We will not be releasing Single White Female 2: The Psycho

Mark: Jeff, what do you mean?

Jeff: No, sorry. No, we're not

Brennan: That movie's really important. Have you seen the title card for Single White Female 2? I will pull it up, you guys keep talking

Nay: Softcore lesbian porn? Is that what…?

Michael: Kind of

Nay: That sounds great

Jeff: Let's just say this. When we announced and released Single White Female, I don't, I think maybe one person said, "What about Two?" So that just tells ya

Michael: And it was someone from the movie

Jeff: Probably

Nay: I would like to know, just one snippet, who is your favorite roommate of all time?

Michael: Ooh, that's a really good question

Mark: What a great question

Nay: Because this movie had me-- I've had so many roommates, and this movie had me thinking about that and how fortunate I've been to be alive after having so many roommates. I've had like roommates from Craigslist

Michael: I did that once, yeah

Nay: When I went to grad school, I drove out to Boston to move in with this Craigslist roommate that I'd never met. We'd talked on the phone, y'know? And so, I was convinced the whole way I was driving there, I was like, "This apartment probably doesn't even exist. None of this is real." And so, anyway

Michael: How was the experience? How did it end up being?

Nay: It ended up being fine. It was a'ight, you know? It was a'ight.

Michael: Best experience or worst?

Nay: If you're comfortable sharing the worst

Michael: I can share my worst for sure

Nay: You can do that. But if you're just feeling warm and fuzzy and, "I'd like to talk about my most beloved of roommates," you can do that, too

Michael: I have to say my best roommate situation was living with Brian, so I 'm gonna do my worst. (To Brian) And it is, honey, I love you. My worst was, I had a roommate here in L.A., who would always shower kind of like Hedy does in this movie, with like, dick out. And he was like a beautiful man and he knew it, but he also was just like super inappropriate. Like, "You wanna come in?" Like ask me to shower with him. Saying stuff like everyday, "You can sleep in my room tonight.''

Nay: Oh hell no!

Michael: Yeah. So it was like I was constantly just being sexually harassed. And made it very clear from the very beginning, "I do not want anything sexually to do with you."

Mark: All right, Michael, everyone wants your body. Jesus Christ

Michael: Nothing to do with that

Nay: Oh my God

Michael: Gurl. Mark is on my case

Mark: I am not!

Michael: But yeah, so. I mean, that might not be the worst to some people, but once I-- I said to him several times, like, "Dude. Stop." It actually got to the point where five or six nights a week I wasn't staying at home, I was staying at a friend's house

Nay: Oh, no! That's the worst

Michael: So if you're listening, hey! You know who you are

Nay: "You made my home unbearable."

Michael: I think I lasted there like six months

Nay: (to Mark) You got a story?

Mark: My all-time best roommate situation was during grad school, when I lived in Watertown, Massachusetts with three straight guys who had no interest in me whatsoever and left me alone

Jeff: That's not how I wanted your story to end! I was like, "What three straight guys-- Oh, oh. They left you alone? Dammit."

Michael: I know. They're all secretly like back-to-back in one room

Mark: I had an amazing room, I had my own bathroom. And the most I ever spoke to them or they spoke to me was, "Good morning," or, "Good night." Or, "Hey, I didn't know you were here."

Jeff: But no…?

Mark: And everyone paid their bills on time. Nobody was weird

Michael: Did the three of them hang out?

Jeff: But did anyone, was anyone like, "Hi, I'm drunk tonight. Can I sleep in your room?" Nothing like that?

Mark: Also, what was really wonderful--

Brennan: Like, "I'm really sore from all the sports, can I get a massage?"

Jeff: Yeah

Michael: (fey voice) "My inner thigh is hurting."

Mark: Added bonus, added bonus: They were nice, they were tidy, they paid their bills on time and also, I was attracted in no way, shape or form to any of them.

Jeff: What the fuck?! You got a great situation! Wow

Mark: It was perfect

Michael: That's great

Nay: It has me totally rethinking what my favorite roommate situation is. I've now changed to when I was living in Malden, Massachusetts, in grad school.

Mark: (inaudible)

Nay: Right. A.k.a. Mayberry. It was very weird. But, I had three straight girl roommates and I literally to this day do not know any of their names. 'Cause I couldn't tell them apart. I called one of them Messy.

Mark: "Ashley"!

Nay: I called one of them Glasses 'cause she--

Michael: (as Nay) "I've just got cute nicknames for you girls."

Nay: Yeah, I called them Messy, Glasses and The One With the Dog

Jeff: There is the one with a dog. Wow.

Brennan: Were you living with the Seven Dwarves?

Michael: Mark is shaking!

Nay: And I'm like, "You know what, Mark, you're right, that was the best!" They never wanted, like I would see them in passing

Mark: Oh, you could put a gun to my head and ask me the names of those guys. Wouldn't be able to tell you for love or money.

Nay: Oh, I have no idea these girls' names

Michael: Glasses, The One With the Dog

Jeff: Messy

Nay and Michael: and Messy

Nay: Yeah, Messy, Glasses and The One With the Dog

Mark: I'm like, Owen Wilson's Younger Brother Kind Of,

Michael: (as Mark) "Owen Wilson and…"

Jeff: I went and saw Single White Female in the theater three times because at that time in my life, early twenties, I was going through several instances of moving out here and going through hell. So the movie was not like, fiction to me. I was like, "This is real, people. This is happens." I had roommates, I had one roommate steal money out of my ATM when I first moved out here when I was nineteen. I found the receipt in his room and then he said someone tried to frame him. I'm not kidding.

Mark: Points for creativity

Jeff: I had another guy in West Hollywood who was scary, but I was trying to just kind of move out of one bad situation, people stole my money, into another one. And then this guy just creeped out all my friends and then I moved out into another situation with a guy who was only gonna be there for three months and I didn't know about it and I got kicked out. It was like one after another, and finally at one point I said, "No roommates! Not gonna happen." And I never looked back. So, I can't say I had a wonderful, warm, loving; you know, I didn't have your situation

Michael: I always had fun roommates in college, too. I was lucky in college. Some of my best friends still to this day are people I lived with in school

Nay: I love how you can become best friends with someone you don't know and move in with, but you cannot stay best friends with the best friend you moved in with

Mark: True

Jeff: Oh yeah

Nay: That's interesting. I have made really close friends from people I didn't know that I moved in, but I have lost just about everyone that I was friends with before we lived together

Mark: That's true. Very true

Jeff: I did move in one time with someone where we were friends and after four months that friendship went kaput

Brennan: Oh my God!

Jeff: I was bummed. It was like, "How did that happen?" I mean, we hung out, we did all this kinda stuff, and if that person's listening then you know who you are, too.

Michael: It was the same person

Jeff: But I was like, it was like, that was the last roommate situation. I was like, "Okay. We're done here," you know? Advantage of being single

Nay: Well, R.I.P. to all of the friends we've lost

Brennan: Wait, I have a story

Everyone else: Ooooh

Mark: Brennan, I bet it's a doozy

Brennan: Well, I did have a roommate and I came home one day and he had moved out.

Nay: (laughing) That's so funny!

Brennan: I was literally sharing a room with him in a bigger apartment so the other guys in the apartment were like, "He had a bunch of boxes in here." And he didn't pay any more rent, so I had to do that. Not recommended

Mark: What a dick!

Brennan: Yeah

Jeff: People are wild

Brennan: Also, my college roommate, who I assume is not listening, because he has no idea who I am, I don't think. He had his girlfriend sleep in his bed every single night, in a tiny tiny twin bed across the room from me in our college dorm. And she would be there all day, just sleeping in the bed. I was like, "Do you have a job? Do you have friends? Will you leave, please. This is my--"

Nay: "Are you well?" Like how do you sleep so much?

Michael: That's a really good question. "Are you okay?"

Nay: "Do you need help?"

Brennan: She's not paying to be here

Mark: "Is there a dot in your palm?"

Nay: Right?

Brennan: I would come home and she would glare at me for making noise and like waking her up. And I'm like, "Girl, you don't live here!"

Nay: "You could leave, though!"

Brennan: And I think she lived down the street, too. So that was the kicker there

Mark: Well she sounds great

Brennan: She was wonderful. If you're listening, yeah, you suck, sorry.

Mark: Whatever her name-- Eeyore, she doesn't have--

Nay: Awwww, I love Eeyore!

Brennan: How did you know? Do you know her?

Mark: I know, we do love Eeyore

Michael: Eeyore's the best

Nay: Mark, did you read the book?

Mark: Single White Female? The John Lutz?

Nay: The novel, yes

Mark: No, I never did

Nay: Okay, I was just asking. 'Cause you know Mark has read every book

Michael: True

Nay: He'll be like, (as Mark) "Well, you know in the novel…." And, yeah. Markapedia is for real and we love it

Michael: Yeah, I'd rather AskJeeves Mark

Mark: You don't get to drag me tonight

Nay: I'm not dragging you! Mark doesn't know how to take a compliment so when we compliment him...

Michael: He thinks that we're dragging him

Nay: He pretends that we're dragging him, 'cause it makes him feel better

Nay: (The novel) is called Single White Female Seeks Same. How do you feel about that? I wanna ask other folks how do you feel. Just that statement. If you were to read, "Single White Female seeks same," do you have any feelings about that? I have some feelings about that, but I wanna hear from y'all

Mark: Isn't it fascinating how certain things when you look back at them, at the time you absorbed it, you were like, (high-pitched bubbly voice) "Single White Female Seeks Same!" (normal voice) And now you look back on it and you're like, "Eww."

Michael: Yeah, it is ewww-y. When I saw that title card pop up, I didn't, it didn't really register. But when you say it, like holy shit!

Mark: I will say, that's the title of the book. But, to the film's credit, or to Don Roos's credit, the screenwriter, who is a gay screenwriter. He also wrote The Opposite of Sex. When Allie does type in "SWF seeks…" she does not put "same", she puts "roommate." And just because all the applicants she meets are white doesn't necessarily mean she was closed to a variety of people

Brennan: New York is famously a very white city, though, so that makes sense

Nay: Isn't New York like fifty-one percent Black actually?

Mark: I do not know the math

Brennan: I was joking, but I don't actually know the demographics

Michael: I don't know the demographics but that sounds right

Nay: Yeah. I think it's actually-- Anyway, you know, my thing is, if someone really wants that? If you are seeking another white person? I kind of want you to put that in the ad. 'Cause I wanna know. It reminded me of this town near my hometown. I grew up in central Illinois and there was a town that had a sign up until like, I should look up the actual year, but in my lifetime had a sign up like, "No Blacks After Dark."

Michael: Holy shit

Jeff: Oh my God!

Mark: What the fuck

Brennan: That's horrible

Nay: And in my lifetime the sign got taken down and I was just like, "You know what? I kind of need the sign." Like I kind of wanna know if I'm not supposed to stop and get gas here, because people's attitudes haven't changed, it's just someone's just taken the sign down

Michael: True. They're just hiding

Nay: Obviously I understand why the sign needs to come down. Hello.

Mark: This perverse double-edged sword of, "At least this fucked up sign is letting me know that my body is in danger."

Nay: Yeah. Like, be honest

Michael: Be ready to protect yourself

Nay: So that was my thought about if someone were to be like, "Single White Female seeks same," you know, you probably should be up front about that

Mark: Thank you next

Nay: Also? "Single"? How old are Allie and Jennifer Jason Leigh supposed to be in this?

Jeff: I think twenties

Michael: In their twenties, yeah, that's what I think

Mark: I'd say twenties

Nay: Maybe it's being in my thirties and having roommates in their thirties, I'm like, somebody, like your dorm mate, someone's boo is gonna end up sleeping over here all the time depending on how many people live here. Like that's just gonna happen. And, I dunno, you just can't really request a single roommate like this, it's just not. It's absurd

Mark: It's a little...

Nay: Absurd

Mark: Yeah. And that's the thing, is that the movie sort of opens with this, you know, I love the opening of this movie. Beautiful shots of the Ansonia, and I love the score too, and you know, but you can start hearing Allie and Sam, this this, as soon as they go in on their heterosexual nonsense of like, (as Allie) "I want this many kids." (as Sam) "I want this many kids." (as Allie) "I think that they should look like you." (as Sam) "I think they should look like you." (normal voice) I was like, "I cannot wait for a messy lesbian psycho to come and ruin their lives. I can't wait."

Nay: Right? Fuck it up for real

Michael: Shatter this bullshit

Mark: We were less than three minutes into the movie and I was like, "I want them dead."

Nay: I remember being young watching it and being like, "What is rent control?"

Michael: Same!

Nay: Like why does this keep coming up?

Michael: What does that mean?

Mark: I'm picturing baby Nay going, "Yeah, I have a question."

Nay: Yeah, no, for real. I was like, "What is that?"

Michael: "Pause the VHS," I mean

Nay: Yeah, what is rent control

Michael: It took me forever-- that, and escrow. I never knew what the fuck escrow was. I'd hear it on like, Friends and I'd be like, "The fuck are they talking about? Shut up, Monica."

Mark: I love that we could just talk about real estate for the whole-- this could be like the plot twist of the podcast, to sort of just like...

Nay: Be like, "Actually…"

Michael: That's my first question when I was watching it with Brian last night. I go, "Wait. I haven't seen this in forever." I go, 'She's living in this kick-ass place but needs a roommate? How?" Didn't she just want another person around, right?

Nay: Didn't it seem like that, when she's having that conversation about well, missing Sam and having this beautiful apartment

Michael: (as Allie) "I'll get a roommate,"

Nay: (as Allie) "I'll get a roommate." (normal voice) And none of it seemed to be like, "I can only afford to live here if there's a roommate."

Michael: Right. But then there's, what's the friend upstairs name?

Jeff, Nay and Mark: Graham

Michael: Graham is like, the out of work actor and his place is even better than hers. I'm like...

Mark: (as Graham) "That guy who fucked his ex-wife? Oh, just call him, Allie."

Nay: Right, and yeah

Michael: His advice was always the worst

Mark: I was like, "Graham, what the fuck?!"

Michael: He'd be like, "You need to go down there and tell her to leave right now. Did you not wanna do that and sleep here?" He'd totally contradict himself

Mark: (as Graham) "You know what, you know what? Come babysit my cat while I'm away. By the way, ignore its litterbox, abuse it."

Nay: That's what I do

Mark: (as Graham) "You know, I have an animal, I need someone to abuse it while I'm at my cousin's wedding in Boston." What the fuck?

Michael: Yeah, I just kept thinking about like, what do their dads do

Nay: No, for real, like who is supplementing your income

Jeff: But at that time, the upstairs neighbor, who's gay. That was huge

Michael: He was just like the boyfriend

Jeff: That was not in a mainstream movie.

Michael: Very true

Jeff: And you know what? He was brought in casually. Like he just says, "You think I, you know, if another man..."

Michael: He doesn't just pirouette in to a scene

Jeff: Yeah. No, it was just kind of like, "Oh, okay. You just folded him in nicely." He ends up being quite a hero at the end of it and defending-- so I was like, "Okay. Some positive," like you know, and I think Basic Instinct was that year as well, and that sort of balanced it out of not like, so positive

Michael: Well Mark had mentioned the music earlier. I kept thinking about it

Jeff: Howard Shore?

Michael: Yeah.

Mark: I love Howard Shore

Michael: It was very much in the vein of Silence of the Lambs and it was very much because Silence of the Lambs came out the year before but it didn't match the movie to me at all

Jeff: Oh really?

Michael: Yeah. I thought the score was too...

Mark: Too classy?

Michael: Yeah!

Jeff: Yeah, it is a classy score

Michael: It needed a trashier score

Mark: No, he scores David Cronenberg's films, and Howard Shore's, I think my favorite of his is Dead Ringers. And he achieves this weird kind of like weird, very spare grandeur. He did Se7en, he did Scanners, he did Crash (1996). Crash is a really, really super--

Michael: Well I kept thinking about that. I thought that the score was too big for where we were always

Mark: That's interesting. Interesting

Michael: We were in these confined places and the score sounded so grand that it bumped up for me, but I love his music in the movie anyway so whatever

Jeff: Oddly enough there was never a soundtrack for this movie, which is really strange because it's a Howard Shore

Michael: It's a great score

Nay: I would listen to it

Jeff: And I honestly would have bought it. I really like the movie a lot.

Mark: That was one of the first things I thought of when it started and there's beautiful shots of the Antonia, I was like, "Oh God, I remember the score, I remember this moment."

Michael: The first time I saw it I remember thinking that, too. And I was a little disappointed we didn't more of the city, 'cause they try to establish the city as such an important character

Jeff: Well it's really interesting because you and I were talking about this before the podcast, but it also follows in the lines of a lot of gay New York thrillers that were done in the eighties like Cruising. There's a movie called Windows that involves two ladies. This is very similar. That's in New York City. The Fan is in New York City. Dressed to Kill is in New York City. So there is a lot of like, for some reason, gay-themed thrillers

Mark: For sure! And Single White Female is contingent… what I love about Single White Female is like you said, the introduction of Graham is weirdly… the introduction of Graham is, like you said, really casual. He just sort of arrives and whatever.

Jeff: Yes

Mark: But, so that's progress, but at the same time, Single White Female is continuing in the longstanding tradition of New York-set gay thrillers for gay bodies to be brutalized

Jeff: That's absolutely true. You know what? You're right. Because it's true

Mark: In some way, shape or form

Jeff: Because he ends up being, he's alone, you know, he's expendable

Mark: He's like, (as Graham) "Hedy, we can help you." And she's like, (cat yowl)

Jeff: You've got the cat

Michael: And she's got the cat all over him

Mark: Exactly

Nay: Just the cat in that scene

Michael and Mark: in the bathtub?

Nay: With the cat

Jeff: I know.

Nay: Oh my God

Jeff: But at least better than the dog scene. Ugh. You know that one

Nay: I have a question for each and every one of you. At what point would you have kicked Hedy out?

Jeff and Michael: That's a good question

Nay: 'Cause for me, it's when she comes for the interview and Allie's like, "Can we do this later?" And (Hedy's) like, "Sit down." Bitch, get the fuck outta my house. Like that's the end right now. Do not try to make me tea. You walking over to my sink and making a damn mess 'cause you don't know what's, this isn't your house and now you wanna come in and fix it and act like a plumber and I'm supposed to be impressed. None of this would have fucking happened if you just left when I asked you to

Jeff: That's true

Nay: But for y'all, when would you have kicked Hedy out?

Mark: I think the moment that I'm just like, the moment where I'm especially sort of confused as to why characters are not communicating is that, at a certain point when Sam is taken back in by Allie, despite his infidelity. After Buddy dies, Jennifer Jason Leigh is, I mean, she goes for broke and this-- I feel like this movie, we're talking about this movie today, because of Jennifer Jason Leigh. No disrespect to Bridget Fonda or Barbet Schroeder, but she's amazing in this movie and she just goes for it. No vanity whatsoever, she's fantastic.

Jeff: She won an--

Mark: There's a scene where she has a mustache, topless staring into space and I was like, "Goddammit I love you."

Nay: Okay?

Jeff: She won an MTV Movie Award for villainess on this one

Michael: Yeah! Exactly

Mark: I mean that's (something)

Jeff: She did not come to accept it, I remembered

Michael: She's a great actor

Jeff: But she's fantastic in this movie

Mark: So, after the scene when Buddy's dead and (Hedy's) just like, trying to jump on Sam's dick so hard, and she's like, (as Hedy) (moaning orgasmically)

Michael: He like shuts the door in her face

Mark: He's shutting the door on her arm and she's like touching...

Nay: On her hand, ugh

Jeff: Creepy scene

Mark: And she's just like, "I want that Sam dick!" She wants it so bad. And I'm just like, why is Sam not going over to see Allie or see her the next day when she wakes up and she's like-- He should be like, "Your roommate..."

Michael: (as Sam) "This is what your roommate did."

Nay: (as Sam) "I kind of liked it."

Michael: Yeah, like it's an option for him

Nay: "Oh, attention."

Michael: Like he's filing her away for later

Mark: I wish then that those, um, those kind of subtleties had been woven in better

Michael: Yeah. 'Cause they're so glaring and like, lacking

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Mine would have been when she's lying in bed holding the dog going, "Where the hell have you been?"

Mark: Oh right right right

Nay: Okay?

Michael: "Bitch get the hell out of my bed. Put the dog down."

Nay: "First of all, when did you think we got so close?" Do you know everything I read about this movie kept talking about how they bonded and their relationship--

Michael: They never did

Nay: I just, yeah, I didn't feel like they had that strong a connection

Mark: (sarcastically) Um, Nay they were carrying a table and they were trying to bring it through the door and everything fell off, okay?

Nay: That pissed me off

Jeff: They watched a movie together, too, remember?

Mark: They did watch a movie together

Nay: It's kind of like, "You found a lamp down in the trash and I'm gonna paint it." I actually as a young person...

Mark: "Wow, you found a fucking tray, you clean the tray, Hedy."

Michael: It was even earlier when she brought a dog home.

Mark: Oh yeah

Nay: I do remember when I was younger, I like--

Jeff: "Here's some earrings."

Nay: Okay? Not enough

Jeff: "I want that perfume, it smells good. Oh, here's some earrings. We're bonded." That's how people bond

Nay: No. Hate it. I remember being young and when I like, idealized an apartment, I remember wanting a mattress on the floor, which literally is the bane of my adult existence. Like if I can have a mattress not on the floor as an adult-- but as a kid I was like, "I want a mattress on the floor and I want to paint a lamp." I really was like, "That's what grown girls do."

Mark: You'd be like, "I made it!"

 

Michael: I kept saying that last night, too. Why is her furniture so close to the ground?

Mark: Right

Michael: Like she's supposed to be this successful designer, and she's got like random chairs in her bedroom that are all really low to the ground. It's New York, I guess?

Mark: I wanna talk about, I wanna talk about how Allie Jones designed the fashion software that Cher Horowitz uses in Clueless. Do Single White Female and Clueless occupy the same--

Michael: Cinematic universe?

Mark: Yes they do

Michael: Absolutely

Mark: Also, Amy Heckerling directed Jennifer Jason Leigh in Fast Times at Ridgemont High, what the fuck? It's all connected

Jeff: Oh my

Michael: It's all connected

Mark: I've had too much sugar

Michael: Is this movie the earliest use of the internet by a regular human?

Mark: Oh my God. I love early nineties internet

Michael: You know, as opposed to like the military or somebody using it in one way or another, 'cause like, did the internet, the internet existed in 1992 apparently, huh? Like she was buying plane tickets

Jeff: You're right, she was

Mark: But it was before-- it was obviously before American Online

Jeff: Yeah, it was before--

Michael: It was CompuServe, I think is what it said? Girlfriend was calling 911 on her computer like Sidney Prescott

Mark: True. I love that she was like, "We can use one of Graham's cards to buy plane tickets." And I was like, "Wow, that's a wild west for you."

Michael: Yeah, right?

Nay: Oh my God

Michael: There's so much in this movie to unpack

Mark: The other thing is, (Allie) could've had Betty Finn as a roommate. Betty Finn from Heathers

Michael: Oh yeah

Mark: She's the perfect roommate who's like, "Gosh, my favorite movie is It's a Wonderful Life and I'm just so sweet and adorable."

Michael: What was she saying that was super bizarre, though? Wasn't she being a little weird?

Nay: Yeah! She was too perfect. She was like a robot. Did you see her hand placement over her bag?

Michael: She was a Stepford hag?

Jeff: (as Betty Finn) "I think this can work out. And if you think so, let me know."

Nay: (as Betty Finn) "And if you think so, hit me up." (normal voice) It was so creepy.

Jeff: Yeah it was

Nay: You know the dyke that comes and looks at it and is like, (deep voice) "Yeah. We can open this up!" (normal voice) Oh my God, I was dying! But on IMDb...

Mark: (deep voice) "Are you good with tools?"

Nay: (deep voice) "Are you good with tools?"

Michael: (deep voice) "We can knock this wall down."

Nay: On IMDb, her title is like, "Mannish roommate"

Michael: No way!

Nay: Yes!

Mark: Wow

Jeff: Oh, wow. That's awful

Nay: It's like, "Talkative roommate" and "Exotic roommate"

Michael: They couldn't have just been like, "Karen"

Nay: They said "Mannish"

Jeff: "Mannish roommate."

Nay: "Mannish." Yeah

Michael: "Debbie"

Jeff: That's too funny. I did not...

Nay: But I was thinking that every single person that came and interviewed, I was like these are just different archetypal lesbians, all of them

Michael: Oh my God, yes!

Jeff: The lipstick one came in too, she was looking at the furniture like, "Mmmm."

Nay: Oh my God, yes!

Mark: What was that? You could have easily cut that moment. But also she was literally the only person that was remotely non-white in this entire movie

Nay: Yeah

Mark: She walks through the apartment and I feel like Allison is like, "Don't steal anything." Like, she doesn't even get a line!

Nay: No

Mark: She just sort of slinks around like, "Mmmmm. I like it."

Jeff: I took it as that she was like some sort of model type of girl that was like, "This place? Ew." And that Bridget Fonda was like, "Okay, don't give me attitude," you know, whatever

Mark: I guess

Nay: "I just mind your outfit."

Michael: "On my Cher Horowitz computer"

Mark: My favorite thing about watching her use that software was that every time she started using the software I was like, "Oh there's a regular-- oh, you're gonna make that plat-- oh Jesus! Oh God, oh God!" She would make them hideous and be like, "All done!"

Michael: "This is the really ugly one. Love it?"

Michael: Speaking of the software, I was a little confused at the end with everything being deleted. Was that a real thing (Allison) had written in or was that Hedy?

Jeff: No no no, she put that in, 'cause it was a software thing

Michael: Great timing

Jeff: Yes, exactly

Mark: That's movie software

Jeff: Movie coincidences, yes

Michael: Movie coincidence timing with Stephen Tobolowsky

Mark: Oh my God

Jeff: Who's such a lech in the movie

Nay: Ew!

Mark: And gross!

Jeff: He's so good!

Michael: I know. And I'm so used to him on--

Mark: One Day at a Time

Michael: One Day at a Time, Groundhog Day, just being super sweet. I love One Day at a Time, by the way

Mark: Imagine having Ned Ryerson, like, putting his hand in your shirt. Oh, God

Michael: I know

Mark: (groan of disgust)

Michael: Just so clammy

Jeff: Of course we have to talk about, we have to talk about...

Michael: Go there

Jeff: The Steven Weber scene and the like--

Michael: The blowjob?

Jeff: Yeah! Let's go there. Yes, c'mon!

Nay: Yeah, what do you wanna talk about?

Jeff: I dunno. We just need to talk about it

Mark: (haughtily) We're listening, Jeff

Jeff: I remember seeing it; I mean I remember seeing it in the theater and that scene came on and I was like, "What is she-- she did that really fast," and it looked like she was biting him. I was like, "Wait, wait, wait..."

Michael: Yeah. I think that it was like business trip, he hadn't cum in awhile

Jeff: Yeah, I know. I was like, "Whoa, whoa, whoa."

Mark: Talent

Jeff: I was like, "Okay."

Michael: Can you imagine psycho blowjobs?

Nay: Yeah. Probably bomb. Probably bomb. Absolutely. You know when I was younger and I watched it, I would, I was like, "How could--" First of all, it took me like a million years to understand what an orgasm was, but I remember when I was younger thinking like, "You knew it wasn't her before the end of that."

Jeff: Right

Michael: Yeah, he was trying to push her off, but he was--

Nay: "How did you finish?"

Michael: Climax?

Nay: And then I was like, I'm older watching it and I'm like, "You were pretty close. Like kind of like a sled on the edge of the hill."

Jeff: Enough for her to lift her head and say, "No, I'm not Allie," and then she went for the count. But still, it was a little aggressive, a little-- I remember the theater at the time, everyone was like, "(gasp) Oh! Oh oh oh!"

Michael: Well, he knew because the head was too good

Nay: Yeah, he was like, (as Steven Weber) "Allie?"

Mark: (as Steven Weber) "Well, somebody stepped up their game."

Nay: You know what, that happens sometimes. You break up with somebody, they sleep with a few other people and then you get back with them--

Mark: You're like, "Whatchoo been up to?"

Nay: Or you like hook up with them again

Michael: "Did you take a class?"

Nay: I'm like, oh my God, that totally happened to me with somebody and I was like, "Oh, you are an amazing kisser now. Who taught you, 'cause I'ma give her something!" Like, I'm like, I really feel so grateful for these people you hooked up with

Mark: You wanna be like, (jauntily) "Tip of the hat!"

Nay: Yeah! Honestly

Michael: 'Do you think she likes Honey Baked hams?'

Nay: Right? Okay?

Mark: Edible Arrangements

Jeff: But going back to Jennifer Jason Leigh's performance, I love that she's like, takes a strawberry or whatever in the champagne and she's like--

Michael: Iced tea

Jeff: And he's sitting here mortified, and she's like-- it's such a...

Michael: Well, the thing I've always-- the whole movie I'm like, "She's six inches shorter!"

Jeff: Oh yeah, that's true

Michael: "Just look at her! It's not her!"

Mark: No, yeah. That scene where she pushes Allie to a mirror and she's like, (nerdy voice) "Look at you and look at me!" (normal voice) She's literally...

Michael: She's like Gollum?

Mark: She's two full feet shorter!

Michael: Jennifer Jason Leigh is so cute!

Mark: Oh my God!

Jeff: Well, first they put her in dowdy hair, made her look frumpy

Michael: Amish-looking

Mark: Jennifer Jason Leigh in Hudsucker Proxy or even Fast Times at Ridgemont High, she's beautiful

Jeff: Totally

Michael: She's a babe

Mark: But she's also a character actress and you know she was just like, "Give me a fucking mustache." You know she was like, "I wanna wear brown. Only brown!"

Nay: Or maybe she had one and finally didn't wax it

Michael: Oooh, that's a good point

Nay: Yeah she had one, she finally didn't wax it for this role. They were like, "You know what? Hope you didn't get laser because we need that to come back. You need to see the mustache."

Michael: We can only see it because of the HD

Nay: Real

Michael: Let's discuss more of the Psycho of it all

Mark: Okay, do you wanna hear my--

Nay: Yes

Mark: So, by the time-- and this never occurred to me the first time I saw it, you know, because like you said, Candyman and Single White Female came out in the same year

Nay: Oh my God. I can't wait to hear this

Mark: But this time around, by the time JJL has that hook--

Nay: Oh!

Mark: And is running around the apartment building? I was like, "This is Candyman, but only about white girls who kissed each other at camp that one time." It's just, you have an apartment building, and somebody with a hook...

Michael: Oh yeah

Mark: And a desperately twisted quasi-romantic relationship? Anyway… I think we can all agree this movie's superior to Candyman. (beat) No, it's not

Michael: Looking back to (Nay's) question about kicking (Hedy) out, I'm thinking of all these different times (Allie) should have kicked her out. The haircut? Come on! When you get the faux Chucky, like...

Mark: The haircut

Nay: I dunno if y'all have ever had people copy you to that degree?

Michael: Extreme? I don't think so

Mark: No

Nay: It has happened a couple times in my life and it's so unnerving. I get, I'm nauseated, I wanna throw up.

Michael: Yeah, I can imagine

Nay: And it just would have been over so fast

Michael: Well, honestly looking back on it, too, like walking into my apartment without knocking? Bye. And I'm sitting on the floor crying?

Nay: Honestly try to move a table through a door with me and your depth perception is so bad that you thought you could walk through this doorway and then you knock my shit off and you're laughing. No.

Mark: When you talk about the copying aspect

Nay: Yes

Mark: When you talk about the copying aspect; this goes back to like, when I complained about Sam not telling Allie about Hedy being thirsty as fuck

Michael: Yeah, like super-thirst?

Nay: Yeah

Mark: This is where, there's a good movie in here and there's elegant sequences; in love the lighting, I love the music, I certainly love Jennifer Jason Leigh's performance

Michael: The locations are great

Mark: But for example, it would have been interesting to see how, and Allie is a thoroughly unattractive character to me--

Michael: Oh she's so annoying

Mark: In a lot of ways

Nay: Yeah

Mark: But it would have been interesting, like, to go, "This person just got my haircut." (as Hedy) "I thought you'd like it."

Michael: (as Hedy) "It's a surprise!"

Mark: And she's like, (as Allie) "Well, I guess. Whatever." And I'm like, it might have been interesting to see well, is there a way to sell the idea that on some twisted level, Allie is actually intrigued by this. And somehow she's both attracted and repelled by this kind of behavior

Nay: Totally

Michael: Right. She wants to see how far it would go, maybe, possibly?

Mark: Yeah

Nay: (as Allie) "Imitation is flattery."

Michael: (as Allie) "Bitch wants to be me."

Jeff: See, I just like the fact that at the time this movie came out, this was-- let's face it, Fatal Attraction was a big hit in the late eighties, then Misery was a big hit then Hand That Rocks the Cradle was a big hit--

Michael: Sleeping With the Enemy

Mark: It was always about the "blank from hell"

Jeff: Those "blank from hell" thrillers were going on at this time; so by the time Single White Female came out, all the things you just mentioned would have been the like, almost like… independent cool things to do

Mark: We were not there

Jeff: We were like, "We wanna see how all the crazy things the roommate is gonna do, all the psycho things, because we'd been primed from all these other movies, and hopefully, cathartically at the end see her get it, because that's usually what happens to the villains of these movies." So they did sort of a-- it's funny because the movie is kind of classy up until the point when the dog goes, and then the haircuts happen and I remember in the theater, the audience kind of laughing and kind of like, at this point it was sort of a ride to see how it was going to, how far it was going to go. The catfight in the elevator is super over the top

Michael: Oh my God, I love it

Nay: Oh my God

Jeff: Like banging around, like they'd have bruises, there's a broken neck, all this kind of stuff. Nope, they just get up like, you know Tom & Jerry down in the basement

Mark: They are totally Tom & Jerry

Michael: I love that you could see it going down. I thought those were great touches

Mark: My favorite part, my favorite part is that Allie's the type of person who slides down the wall and cries, over Sam the--

Michael: Sam the wall slide?

Mark: My favorite picture's Sam hanging on a fence like, "What are you doing?"

Nay: It be like that though

Michael: Is Sam in a ball field?

Mark: But by the end of the movie, we're supposed to believe she's gone full Vietnam tunnel rat. She's like, "I'm up in the vents!" She's ceiling cat, like up there

Nay: She ain't got it in her

Jeff: Kicking off rats

Mark: Yeah, kicking off rats

Michael: Stabbing her

Mark: She's going through hanging down like Batman, stabbing her in the back. I'm just like, really.

Nay: That's a really good point

Jeff: It doesn't add up

Mark: Really, Allie?

Michael: And Hedy all of a sudden just becomes super dumb. (as Hedy) "I'm gonna leave you here for an hour while I go cash a check."

Jeff: (as Hedy)  "I'm gonna leave you here for an hour with the remote where you can turn up the volume."

Michael: What was (Hedy's) plan with her?

Jeff: That's like the easiest, like yeah

Michael: But what was her plan with her,  that's the thing I've never understood while watching this movie. What was she going to do with Allie when she came back?

Mark: They were gonna, they were gonna fly somewhere

Jeff: Yeah, she was in love with her but there was like this sister angle

Michael: Right, right

Jeff: So they played like, "You're my twin sister." But then they were like, "I'm a lesbian..."

Michael: "I'm obsessed."

Jeff: "But I'm obsessed, but then I'm crazy." They played a whole lot of like, they tried to sort of flirt with the idea

Nay: Ooof. Allie and Headache

Jeff: Allie and Headache?

Nay: Hedy the Headache

Michael: Were those twins the two piss selling twins in Problem Child 2?

Nay: Yes

Jeff: Wait, were they? Oh my God, I know the movie very much--

Michael: Weren't they?

Jeff: I think you're right!

Mark: (nerdy voice) Another shared universe!

Jeff: No! That would be Problem Child 2, by the way

Michael: Yes. That's them, right?

Brennan: This is the second time you've brought up Problem Child 2. Like how is this--?

Jeff: Because it's awesome

Michael: But I mean this is a direct-- those were the twins from Problem Child 2

Jeff: I'm pretty sure it was

Michael: How did we bring it up last time?

Nay: The haircut?

Michael: We were talking about Problem Child and I really loved it

Mark: All I remember is the vomit tilt-a-whirl thing

Brennan: I haven't seen either of these

Jeff: Oh yes. One of the grossest, bestest scenes

Mark: Truly one of the most repulsive moments I've ever seen

Michael: Problem Child 2 was so great

Jeff: It was

Brennan: So should I start with 2 and work backwards, like what's going on?

Jeff: No, go to 1 and 2

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Yeah, they're both great

Jeff: He's such a little dick, it's awesome

Mark: Yeah. Truly

Michael: And that little shit girl, too, is such a great addition, I love it

Jeff: Oh my God, it's just so awesome

Nay: We did, we do love that movie

Michael: Oh it's so great!

Nay: Yeah

Michael: That's a horror movie.

Nay: Mmm-hmm

Michael: Having little fuckers like that running around your house? Let's watch those for the show

Mark: Did anybody have any random favorite bits from the movie?

Nay: That silver coat

Jeff: Ah, that's an awesome coat

Nay: Right?

Jeff: Well, the high heeled shoe, I mean, come on, that scene

Michael: That's pretty great. I kept being like, "That's some sharp high heel."

Mark: Anyone else?

Nay: (enunciating) Stiletto

Jeff: You wanted me to say this, so I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna confess this, I said this, I think on Shock Waves very briefly, I'm gonna say it more loud and proud here. So I was obsessed with this movie when it came out. Like I saw it in the theater three times, I actually have the book. I didn't read it, but I did buy it. 'Cause I was going through all the roommate stuff, plus I loved Hand That Rocks the Cradle and all those Fatal Attraction movies. So, for Halloween that year, I dressed up as Jennifer Jason Leigh from Single White Female. I do have the picture to prove it, that is the one thing--

Michael: Which version of her?

Jeff: The haircut version, the Chucky version. So I had my hair in a orange mop kind of Chucky thing, I had sort of this black dress on, I had these horrible shoes. I had a hook, I had a high heel shoe and I took the poster treatment "Single White Female" and copied it and put it right on my breasts, and put falsies in. And went up and down Santa Monica Boulevard, going up to people and going, "Will you be my roommate?" And people were dying laughing

Mark: (as Jeff) "And I made two hundred dollars."

Jeff: Right. And it was very, it was topical, because the movie had come out just a few months before and it worked and so that is my Single White Female story

Mark: Please, please, please, please, please dig up a picture of that

Jeff: I really don't have it.

Michael: Someone's got it somewhere

Jeff: I have a picture of me as Olivia Newton John in Xanadu from the year before...

Nay: Wow

Jeff: I'm scaring you guys right now

Nay: You that bitch!

Jeff: I don't care

Nay: That's not a game

Jeff: Actually the following year I did do, it wasn't as popular but it was fun to do. Lara Flynn Boyle in The Temp

Mark: Ahhhhh!

Jeff: I had the Paramount logo--

Mark: Ahhhhh!

Jeff: The head's in a bun, I had everything

Mark: Ahhhhh!

Jeff: And that was--

Nay: Ooooh, Mark

Michael: Mark

Mark: God, I love that movie!  It's so insane!

Jeff: Well, it's Faye Dunaway and chewy almond cookies and...

Mark: It's insane!

Michael: Get Mark a Sybian

Jeff: It's awful

Nay: (to Michael) You love to bring up the Sybian every single episode

Mark: He sure does

Jeff: What is...

Mark: I know

Nay: I wish I could afford a Sybian

Michael: Could you imagine?

Mark: Who would care to explain the Sybian?

Nay: Ah, I mean, it speaks for itself.

Michael: It's a fun buzzy chair

Mark: (fey voice) It's probably easier if we just show you a picture.

Nay: It is a sex toy

Jeff: Oh, okay. All right. Mmm, I'm well-versed on some levels, but not--

Nay: You can mount it

Michael: You can take a full seat

Nay: Yeah, full seat

Mark: Okay, I'm gonna use the discussion of the Sybian as a means of transitioning to one of my-- okay, well I, I have two favorite favorite moments in this movie.

Nay: Okay. I hope you're bringing up the one that I think you are

Mark: I probably am. The first one is not that. Which, it's very short, but it's at the beginning when Allie comes home after she kicks Sam out and she looks at the bed and she, (as Allie) (cries)

Jeff: I love that!

Nay: When she's tearing it up?

Mark: I wanna cry when I strip the bed and make up the bed...

Michael: I hate making the bed

Mark: 'Cause it's the worst, so I was like, i feel her

Jeff: That is such a great scene

Mark: The only moment that I actually like Allie in the movie

Michael: I was obsessed with that they kept switching sleeping sides.

Nay: I was like, "Doesn't it suck how low your bed is?"

Mark: Yeah, I was like, "You're not a real couple." If Josh tries to sleep on my side of the bed, I'm like, "What are you doing? What, what are you, what is this? What is this witchcraft?"

Nay: "This is not real."

Michael: "End of the world in here."

Mark: Yeah, no no no. Okay, but my favorite part is the world's most confusing sex club

Jeff: Oh my God, yes!

Michael: Yeah, what the fuck?

Mark: So, okay. First of all, Enigma plays, because of course. And it's just like...

Jeff: Early nineties

Mark: Allie's going down the stairs it's like, (attempt at Gregorgian chanting). And then and then she's looking around and she looks confused and I fuckin' understand why she's confused, because she's looking around trying to detect some kind of fuckin' theme and there's no theme here.

Jeff: No, no

Mark: There's just like, back-up dancers in cages, who are like whatever. And then my favorite part is when I was like, 'Is that Arianna Huffington?' Who like reaches out to her, and she's just like, (as "Arianna") "I want to touch you," or something?

Michael: What was going on?

Jeff: She's like, "Do you wanna play?" "No thanks."

Mark: Thank you! (as "Arianna") "Do you wanna play?"

Michael: (as "Arianna") "That haircut."

Mark: And I'm like, play what? What happens here? What are you people doing here?

Michael: (as "Arianna") "Can I use your head to clean my toes?"

Mark: Yeah, it's like, I love it. It was like big studio early Nineties idea of a sex club

Jeff: Yeah

Mark: At least just show something happening

Michael: It kind of goes along-- It's actually on the same street as the bar from Nightmare 2

Mark: Yes. Don's Place is right next door. Oh, Don's Place.

Mark: But yeah. (as "Arianna") "Do you want to play?"

Nay: (as "Arianna") "Do you want to play?"

Jeff: (as Allie) "No thanks."

Jeff: And then as she turns around the corner, "Allie!" And she's watching Jennifer Jason Leigh pretending to be her or her sister or something

Michael: Right. How long was she pretending to be Allie at this bar that they all know her by name already?

Nay: Right

Michael: It's so confusing

Jeff: It's so weird. And some guy's like fondling her foot

Michael: "You look like my sister's boyfriend."

Mark: Yeah, "You look like my sister's boyfriend" is like--

Michael: Every other guy in the movie looks like Steven Weber

Mark: And Allie runs out of there going like, (as Allie) "She's been pretending to be me at this bar that I don't understand. At all."

Jeff: One scene that really stands out, that made the audience uncomfortable, but again, it was vogue for the time in the early nineties is the scene where Allie wakes up in the middle of the night, she hears all this heavy breathing, she goes in--

Michael: Yes!

Jeff: (as Allie) "Oh! There's Jennifer Jason Leigh masturbating!" And the dog goes, "Rrrrf?" She runs to her room

Mark: But my favorite part is then like, Jennifer Jason Leigh then goes into Allie's room as she's like, (as Hedy) "Do y'all wanna masturbate?"

Michael: Right. (as Hedy) "Anyone up for one? Up for a dij sesh?"

Nay: All of that was bold. All of it. Her masturbating with the door open, her loud...

Mark: Yeah! Open!

Nay: Allie leaving the dog out like, (as Allie) "Oh, Imma just like pretend the dog--"

Michael: Masturbation form, too

Jeff: She's like riding her bed, it was very odd

Nay: As a child, I was inspired. I was like, I really--

Michael: No masturbation shame here. No.

Nay: Yeah. I mean as a kid I thought it was a sin, and so I was like, "That… I wish to be so bold."

Mark: Yeah

Nay: "I'm just trying not to do it so I don't go to hell, but she's just out here." Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: And even Buddy's the only one who's like, "Rrrf? Rrrrf rrrrf rrrrrf."

Nay: Okay? And also so unrealistic. Dogs love to watch people masturbate

Michael: Absolutely

Mark: They sure do

Nay: He would've stayed

Michael: He's like, "Get it, girl."

Nay: He's like, "Imma die tomorrow anyway."

Michael: Awww, poor Buddy!

Mark: Did you guys know that it's in Jennifer Jason Leigh's contract that she has to kill a dog in every movie? (beat) That's not true

Nay: Goddammit, Mark

Mark: But sometimes it feels like it

Nay: That was awful

Michael: Why did she leave the dog out in the like-- The dog sleeps in your room every night with the door shut. What did it do, burrow under?

Jeff: No, she pushed it under

Mark: She pushes it out the window

Michael: No, I'm talking about after she catches her masturbating, Allie goes into her room and shuts the door

Nay: It was a bad lamp. She was fumbling, she was fumbling.

Michael: I'm like, "Bring the dog with you."

Nay: She was like, "Oh wait, she heard the dog so I'm just (inaudible) out here."

Michael: Thank God she was sleeping facing the window that night (inaudible) in her bed

Jeff: But I love it when Jennifer Jason Leigh goes in, she sees her, it's clear that (Allie's) heavy breathing, like she hasn't been sleeping, it's like...

Michael: She got her stuff all over the dog

Nay: Ugh! Right? She just picked the dog up

Michael: Yeah! Go Purell first

Mark: Wow. Oh my God. "Boom boom boom! My hands, hands on everything."

Michael: (as Hedy) "Allie, I'm just gonna borrow everything on your dresser."

Jeff: Speaking of gross scenes, after (Hedy) bludgeons Graham upstairs and she's taking a shower and Allie looks over and there's the bloody dress and she's like, "I always get mine when the (inaudible)"

Mark: "Mine always comes with a belt."

Michael: Yeah, like did you have twelve at once?

Nay: Okay, my thought? "How dare you walk the fuck out of this bathroom, though, and leave that shit in the sink?" This is the only bathroom. Literally in my head I was like, "Wait. Do they have two bathrooms? No, it's one bathroom."

Michael: Isn't she wearing Allie's dress?

Mark: I know

Jeff: Yes

Nay: "You've probably been having a period for twenty-some years. You, we don't have to do this."

Mark: You kind of want Allie to be like, "You know I brush my teeth in this sink, right?"

Nay: Hello! Like, "It's fine. Do you mind?"

Michael: Shower with the dress on

Jeff: Yeah. It's pretty gross

Nay: Like honestly. There are so many ways...

Michael: (as Allie) "Do we need to get you like, heavy flow tampons?" Like, what is going on?

Jeff: Exactly

Nay: Roommate drama

Jeff: But it's true, it's kind of a like, "Oh, okay. Ew. Do you want some tea? It's chamomile," or whatever it is

Nay: "Do you need some Midol?" Like, honestly, don't ever walk out of the bathroom and leave it in that state

Jeff: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Nay: A sink. Full.

Michael: Another reason to kick her out

Nay: You gotta go. You gotta go. "Oh, it always co-? You should know better by now. And I don't ever want to walk in here and see a bloody sink because you thought this was a soapy tub."

Michael: "With my dress in it."

Jeff: "My dress." Right

Nay: Okay? "My dress. Not only did you bleed on my dress, you fuckin' up my bathroom. Get the fuck out of here."

Jeff: "After I already saw you at a club pretending to be me."

Nay: Yes! Where is the line? When do we cross it? I don't understand!

Mark: Maybe "Arianna" tipped her off

Nay: Right. (as "Arianna") "Want to play?"

Mark: (as "Arianna") "Want to play?"

Michael: Like in the murder blood?

Nay: I would die if Arianna Huffington did that to me

Mark: Can you imagine?

Nay: (as Arianna) "Do you want to play?"

Mark: Yes

Nay: I'd be like, "Hell yeah, rich bitch! Let's go!"

Jeff: I honestly don't think I could look at this movie again without referring to this podcast and all these little tidbits

Nay: Oh my God!

Jeff: Because you guys are pretty damn on point. It's pretty funny

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