Episode 22: ”I Had a Plastic Yeast Infection” (w/ Matt McConkey & Dave Holmes!)

''It’s a queer podcast crossover this week! The Queerwolves are joined by Matt McConkey and Dave Holmes of the Homophilia podcast to discuss the bananapants 1993 erotic thriller SLIVER, starring Sharon Stones and at least one Baldwin, we can’t tell which. Nay assesses the real estate, Mark finds the building a wee bit phallic, Michael has a flashback to how Sharon Stone shaped his childhood, and we all beg for better representation of bacterial vaginosis. Plus, in Tea Time we sip on FREE SOLO, PSYCHO II and III, RUSSIAN DOLL, and Jennifer Aniston.''

Trivia
"Tonight we come to you in our best cameo chokes and severe bobs from Manhattan's Sliver Building, where we just had weepy character development sex with our pervy landlord. Hi! By now you know the drill around here. Central air conditioning, an absolutely terrific kitchen and a queer read of your favourite scary movies and thrillers. But guys, this week some new tenants moved into our sexy, sexy building. So let's be good neighbors and give them a warm Sliver welcome by breaking into their apartments with a telescope and hugging them with our legs." Mark adds "Sharon Stone" to his roster of impressions. First regular episode to not have Shady Summaries for the movie discussed.

Topics brought up during the episode: Homophilia, Heathers TV, Bajillion Dollar Properties, Pop! TV, Party of One, NPR's ten favorite pop culture personalities, Editor-at-large for Esquire,

Tea Time
Michael: Psycho II and Psycho III

Michael: During the rainy weekend, for some reason when it rains 'cause it doesn't rain much here, I always get in a deep slasher dive

Mark: Free Solo

Nay: All of Russian Doll (season one)

Dave: Night Flight app on AppleTV, Fridays (via the Shout! Factory AppleTV app)

Matt: Being the number-one Faniston

Brennan: La Llorona (1960)

Pride Float
Mark: Okay, so. With all that we've discussed, with everything that we've been through, you guys, does Sliver get a Pride float?

Nay: No

Dave: Hmmm

Mark: Well, there you have it

Matt: It's a thinker

Nay: They can throw a party, they can throw like an afterparty with a huge tub…

Michael: Tub is great

Nay: With people cumming in it, I guess

Mark: Jesus!

Nay: Well, I mean that's what, they either cum or die in the tub in this movie, like, which one are you gonna pick?

Matt: I don't think I need a Pride float, but I would like at Universal Hollywood Horror Nights or something, if one of the houses was a Silver-theme?

(gasps of delight from the others)

Michael: Good idea!

Brennan: Yes!

Mark: Gay. Rights.

Matt: Just like a scared and horny, y'know...

Michael: That Jennifer Aniston picture…

Dave: Yeah. William Baldwin is gonna pop out from behind a column..

Michael: Computer?

Dave: Yeah, and just fuck the shit out of you

Michael: I'm good! Fastpass? I'm in

Nay: Oh, I'd get so lost

Mark: And then, there should be like a non-union actor who plays Gus, the NYU professor who just follows you around. (as Gus) "I'm not a dirty old man, I swear!" (normal voice) And you're like, "Okay, thanks. Thanks."

Nay: Oh. My. God.

Michael: I kind of assumed he was gay, too

Nay: Oh?

Mark: Really?

Matt: I think that's what we were being…

Dave: We were getting that energy

Michael: Yeah

Matt: He was like, "We were pals." I'm like, "Okay, I get it."

Mark: "All right, Gus."

Dave: I don't think it warrants a float, but I do think that there should be a monthly, not even a weekly bar night somewhere where the music is, you know, not just necessarily the soundtrack, but that neat, that Massive Attack tricky whatever beat, and some wailing. Because honestly in gay bars it was either that or CeCe Peniston at that time

Matt: Right

Nay: Yes!

Mark: And if you show up with a severe bob and the choker, you're dressed like Donna Tartt basically, you get like you drink for free all night

Dave: Oh, yeah!

Quotes
Matt: I didn't know that Dave was a "Top Ten Favorite Personality". I feel like…

Dave: It was years ago, but I'll still dine out on it forever. It stays in the bio.

Nay: Yeah

Matt: I feel proud of you for that. That's one accolade I wasn't aware of

Michael: That's a meal you always eat

Dave: Oh yeah. For sure. Yeah, yeah.

Mark: When you guys picked this movie we were like (gasps). Kismet. It's fate

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Gay gasp

Matt: Everybody grew up on it, except for Brendan

Brennan: Brennan, and… that's correct

Matt: Right?

Mark, Michael, Nay, Dave: Yeah

Matt: Everybody else

Mark: Brennan was a virgin

Dave: I saw it at a transformative time

Nay: I literally grew my clit on it

Brennan: Oh my God!

Matt: Wow

Brennan: Wow, okay.

Michael: Yikes!

Nay: I mean…

Brennan: That's true

Mark: We're just gonna kick the door down today

Dave: Yeah.

Dave: What year did (Sliver) come out? Was it ninety-three or ninety-four?

Michael, Mark, Matt: Ninety-three

Dave: Okay, so I was twenty-one or twenty-two. So I didn't grow up on it, but I did, it aged me

Matt: And did you see it in a theater?

Dave: Nnnno-- Did I see it in a theater?

Nay: Wow

Dave: I might have seen it in a theater

Matt: Well if you're twenty-one

Dave: Yeah

Brennan: Oh, naked Jeff Fahey with those lamps in Psycho III, mmm

Michael: Yeah, he's kind of a stud. I didn't, I didn't...

Dave: He is cute

Michael: Yeah

Mark: (as Diana Scarwid) "There is no God!!!"

Michael: I mean…

Mark: Diana Scarwid at her Scarwiddiest

Michael: Bless her heart

Mark: She is really….

Michael: (Psycho) II is actually a pretty good movie

Mark: I enjoy the shit out of both of them

Michael: Psycho III is like, it's so stupid

Brennan: Be very careful with what you say about Psycho III

Michael: I like Psycho III. It's completely stupid

Brennan: I can live with that

Michael: Yeah, can you live with that?

Mark: Also director Katt Shea also featured…

Nay: Nice. Yes.

Mark: In one of her last acting roles as the sorority sister who dies on a toilet

Dave: Oh!

Michael: Wait. Really? That's her?

Mark: I'm pretty sure that's her, yeah

Matt: What a way to go

Nay: I know

Michael: And Psycho III 's directed by Anthony Perkins

Mark: Yes it is

Michael: Which is pretty wild

Mark: It is pretty wild, and super super…

Matt: Well, that's what I was gonna ask, if he was involved in (Psycho) II or III because I know I saw these as a kid but i don't remember them

Michael: Yeah, he's in actually all four of 'em

Matt: Wow

Michael: Yeah. And heavily involved

Dave: And is this the Katt Shea that went on to direct…

Mark: Poison Ivy?

Dave: Carrie 2?

Michael: Yes

Nay: Mmm-hmm

Dave: Okay. A friend of mine just saw that and I've never seen it, but a detail that he told me which makes me laugh, is it's twenty years after the events of Carrie...

Michael: Yep

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Dave: And Amy Irving is now a high school guidance counselor, and she takes-- so when she goes to the house, to Carrie's house that like Carrie burned down and it's still smoldering. It's literally been twenty years

Michael: And so is the high school

Dave: No, that's what that's what, yeah. The remains of the high school continue to smolder

Michael: Yeah yeah yeah. They're still smoldering, they didn't take any of the wreckage away…

Dave: That's amazing!

Mark: I believe it

Dave: It's The Simpsons tire fire

Mark: I buy it

Mark: I went to the movies and I saw a documentary that was probably one of the most horrifying experiences I've had in the theater in a while. It's an Oscar-nominated doc called Free Solo. Has anybody heard of this?

Brennan: I've heard of it

Michael: Oh yeah

Dave: Don't know anything about it

Mark: Okay, if you can catch it in IMAX and you love pain, and hate heights, just go see it

Michael: Sounds terrible

Mark: It is about Alex Honnold, who is one of the world's most foremost, if not the most foremost free solo mountain climbers, who essentially trains to climb thousand-upon-thousand elevation heights with no rope, nothing

Nay: Mmm-mm

Dave: No thanks

Mark: Just his hands and shoes and some powder. And the cinematography of this movie is spectacular, it is stunning. It's absolutely worth seeing in IMAX if you can catch it, I know they re-released it. And I just spent the entire movie just swearing at the screen

Dave: Wow

Mark: I just cursed out loud, just absolutely nauseous but really glad I saw it, because it really is an astonishing story

Michael: I don't think I could see that. Too afraid of heights

Matt: That's a good recommendation, and I hear you and I know I'd have the same experience which is why I won't be seeing it. Thank you for the recommendation

Nay: I loved (Russian Doll). That's my take, yeah

Matt: I did the first two and I loved it, and it made me both miss smoking cigarettes and also so glad…

Nay: Oof

Matt: So grossed out. I feel like Natasha Leone was like, (as Natasha Leone) "I wanna do a show where I could just fuckin' smoke the whole time." (normal voice) And that was the, y'know, seed

Nay: Yeah

Michael: That was the pitch

Nay: I would watch her do anything

Matt: She's great

Nay: Anything at all

Michael: Now I want a cigarette

Dave: (sotto voce) I don't

Michael: I haven't smoked in the longest time

Mark: I miss it bad this week

Dave: (sotto voce) I don't at all. At all

Michael: What's that?

Dave: I don't at all. It's the weirdest thing. I loved it when I smoked, and now I don't miss it at all. Very strange. You'll get there

Michael: I miss it when I have really stressful weeks. I'm like, "Fuck. I could use like thirty." But

Mark: Any other takers at this time before we move on?

Nay: Anyone else want cigarettes?

Dave: No, not at all

Dave: I am going back through various AppleTV apps to various things that I watched in the eighties. There is a Night Flight app, and it's subscription based, you pay three bucks a month. Worth every penny. It's the whole catalog of films they used to show on Night Flight, aside from Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains which they used to play every other week and I'm dying to see again. But it's also full episodes of Night Flight. So you get, in some cases, along with the videos and the raps and all that, you get the commercials

Michael: Oh no kidding

Mark: No way

Dave: Which is insane. And then also a friend of mine and I recently went down a Shout! Factory AppleTV app of Fridays, the ABC…

Michael: The SNL-like?

Dave: Yeah

Michael: Okay

Dave: Yeah, SNL competition that aired on Friday nights with Michael Richards and Larry David. And it is real bad, but it is fascinating. It's like really fascinatingly bad. Yeah, so I'm kind of watching those over and over again. I don't want it to be 2019, I want it to be the eighties

Mark: (faux innocence) What do you mean? Why?

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Did you see the documentary on Hulu about The Dana Carvey Show?

Dave: Mmm-hmm

Mark: Oh, so good

Dave: Absolutely

Mark: Love that one. God, I love failed sketch comedy shows. Like The Edge. Do you remember The Edge?

Michael: Oh my God, yes

Dave: Do I? Yeah

Mark: Jennifer Aniston…

Michael: Edge was great

Dave: "I'm Jennifer Aniston and I'm on The Edge."

Mark: What was their thing?

Dave: I don't know that you know you're in the room with the number-one faniston on planet earth

Matt: Although I say I'm the number-one faniston, but I've never seen The Edge. I'm familiar with The Edge, of course

Mark: It is...

Dave: It must exist online somewhere, right?

Michael: It has to, right? YouTube?

Mark: Bits and pieces must exist. There must be wreckage of it on YouTube?

Matt: I'm sure she's tried to bury it, but unsuccessfully

Michael: What's your favorite Aniston piece of work?

Matt: Oh, God...

Michael: I've never met a Faniston

Matt: I mean, I would say, obviously Friends I could go back to time and again

Michael: Leprechaun (1992)?

Matt: Have you guys talked about Leprechaun?

Michael: No. Not yet

Matt: Wow. I actually have not gone back and seen it since I was a child. But, favorite? I don't know. There are a lot of not-good ones? But Friends With Money is the boss-level one

Michael: Yeah, good one

Mark: Good one

Matt: And Cake. She was great in Cake

Mark: Yeah, she was real good in that. Have you ever met her?

Matt: Sort of. I, when I moved here, you know, Merrick's in West Hollywood is the Tex-Mex, I'm sure you… in the mid-2000s that was the spot. Early 2000s

Dave: Yeah

Matt: And that was the heyday, season ten of Friends, she-- Louis Virtel always says that's when hair was a parenthesis, that's how he describes the, that's my favorite thing ever about that aesthetic. You know, she and Courtney Cox both had the, anyway. So I would see her there hanging out on thislittle patio a couple times. And there was one time where she was staring at me, and I was trying to be a normal person and not look and not stare at her, and I'm like, "Well, eventually I gotta make eye contact because she's feeling this. Like it's on. We are going to be friends." And finally I just had to like, fully look at her after so long of avoiding eye contact and be like, "Hey!" And she goes, (as Jennifer Aniston) "Could I have a cigarette?" (normal voice) 'Cause I was smoking, and I was like, "Yes!"

Michael: Can I just say, she loves cigarettes

Matt: And just grabbed the cigarettes from my friend and threw them at her. She was with Catherine Keener…

Dave: Wow!

Matt: And she was like, "Can she have one, too?" And I was like, "Please!"

Mark: Um, okay

Michael: (as Matt) "Can I have the butts when you're done?"

Matt: And then she, well, her assistant came and brought her her Merit Ultra Lights and she was like, "Give some to those guys, they were so nice, they gave us some." I can't believe I didn't save it. I smoked it up!

Michael: A guy I dated used to do her hair

Matt: Oh wow

Michael: And said she was like, I think it was when her and Justin (Theroux) got together years ago, and said they were both pretty amazing people

Matt: Did you date Chris McMillan?

Michael: No. Someone who worked for him

Matt: Okay. Yeah, yeah

Mark: I pitched a movie to her once. And her house is really white

Matt: (sotto voce) Oh yeah

Mark: And it even had like a white dog that walked through and was kind of like, "Mmm-hmm," and just kind of walked away

Michael: Knew where you lived?

Mark: It was like a, "No, no. I'm not for petting" kind of vibe. But she sort of has just a very easygoing incredibly friendly manner. And she was so beautiful, I thought if you made her cry it would be like Smartwater. She was immaculate, and she's very nice

Matt: She's the perfect human. Guys, let's just say it. She's the perfect human

Mark: She's… you know what? Jen, this one's for you

Brennan: She's got the Queerwolf Seal of Approval?

Mark: Completely

Michael: This is now called Attack of the Faniston podcast?

Mark: Right. Reluctant friend of the pod Jennifer Aniston

Brennan: Mark, I know you desperately wanna hear about the continuation of my La Llorona marathon

Mark: You're allowed to talk about one La Llorona movie a week

Brennan: I have one. I have one.

Mark: Choose wisely

Brennan: I will. Also, my boyfriend, who is Mexican, criticized me for not rolling my "R"s when I say "Llorona", and he always gets mad when I over-pronounce things and he calls me a "pretentious tool", so I just can't win with him, I guess. But anyway…

Nay: It's a fine line

Michael: Yeah

Nay: It's a fine line

Brennan: It really is. I'm trying, I'm trying my best

Mark: Oh, doing your best

Brennan: Anyway, I watched a movie from 1960 called, guess what? La Llorona. It's basically a remake of the '33 one, which as you all remember…

Michael: I need to get you a subscription to something

Brennan: Is about an indigenous woman who's kind of cheated by a kind of conquistador Spanish guy in favor of a Spanish woman and it's kind of her murdering her children in a rage and then murdering all of the generation's firstborn from all of his progeny

Michael: Sounds cool

Nay: Mmm, that sounds tight

Brennan: This is kind of a similar story, but way more beautiful? The second act, which is the flashback to how she became La Llorona, is really stunning. There's this part right after she, you know, stabs her children to death, you know it's a fun topic, where the crowd, there's like an angry mob in the town square and they find out about her misdeeds and they start clawing at her. And the camera just stays on her face, and she's got this quiet calm on her face, and she's beautiful, like movie star, just fabulous gorgeous and just these hands just taking across her face and pulling her back and forth

Nay: Oh my Gosh, that sounds so good

Brennan: It's like any arthouse director in the sixties watching that is gonna faint and be so jealous. But then the third act is La Llorona becoming a nanny for this family in the sixties

Mark: Plot twist!

Nay: Yeah!

Brennan: And she has these twelve hours to get the child to die, but she can't touch it, so it's like...

Dave: This is like an improv game

Brennan: Yeah, it turns into a Wile E. Coyote cartoon of the kid's running with scissors and she tries to trip it and it doesn't work and she's like, "Ah, dammit!" And it's like that for thirty minutes, which I also really enjoyed

Nay: Oh my God, I want that

Michael: Yeah

Nay: I need to watch that

Mark: All right

Brennan: The two things that it is are not consistent, but I loved both of them

Michael: I'm all about anything that kills a kid

Brennan: Yes, we heard

Nay: You are

Matt: That's your sweet spot

Michael: Yeah. Gimme dead kids

Mark: I hope that you'll, when this episode drops you'll post a clip of it

Brennan: I will. I have a gif of that shot, and I'm gonna share it on Twitter

Mark: Please do

Brennan: It's so beautiful

Nay: What did you watch it on? Sorry, just one more thing

Brennan: That one was on YouTube

Mark: All right. Let's get down to business. Tonight's film is the heavy-breathing 1993 fiasco follow-up to Basic Instinct, a film that featured Sharon Stone, a script by Joe Eszterhaus, the producer of Chinatown and weird internet connections that involve roses downloading on their own and that make no sense whatsoever. What could go wrong? The answer is everything. The movie is Sliver, and here's the trailer

(The trailer is played)

Realtor: Central air conditioning

Sharon Stone: Absolutely terrific

Matt: I love that the (unintelligible) original trailer!

Narrator: Carly Norris knew what she wanted

Sharon Stone: I'll take the apartment

Dave: She wanted the apartment

William Baldwin: Would you look at her? She's a voyeur. She can't get enough!

Michael: This movie's so problematic

Mark: I know. So many…

Narrator: Someone was watching…

Mark: Oh man, that's enough of that

Dave: That's it?

Mark: No, but you know…

Dave: We do get the picture

Brennan: There's like two full minutes after that. Nobody needed that

Mark: Of more of Jerry Goldsmith's score from Basic Instinct, a far superior problematic film

Mark: So, now, Matt and Dave, a question: What's wrong with you? Why Sliver? And I say that with love, because thank you. But also, what is it about this movie that holds fascination, 'cause watching it, I was like, "Good Christ." And then…

Dave: Yeah

Mark: You know, but at the same time …

Dave: I can only speak for myself, but I bet you agree with me. I am nostalgic for a time when Gregorian chants were sexy, you know what I mean? I miss that moment in history when all the 976 number ads on cable access in New York had, you know, Enigma on them

Michael: Oh my God!

Dave: I just miss that very sexy moment in the early nineties. I have fond feelings about this terrible, terrible movie that is much worse than I recall…

Michael: I agree!

Dave: It was bad when I saw it, but in retrospect it's much worse. And then there's just William Baldwin at his absolute peak

Matt: He is at his peak. We were debating the hotness, or lack thereof about William Baldwin before the show…

Dave: Oh. Who…?

Matt: I'm still firmly in the camp; well, Michael was questioning?

Michael: Yeah, I was questioning my old taste

Dave: Really

Michael: But I'm more of a Backdraft William Baldwin

Dave: Okay

Michael: Yeah

Dave: Yeah. He's absolutely beau-- Should we rank our Baldwins? Just so we know where we stand before we go any further

Michael: That's a really good idea

Mark: No, I think that's a good… Now are we ranking Baldwins within certain films or just general?

Dave: Well see, I mean...

Michael: Like peak Baldwins? 'Cause I could rank like seven different Alecs

Dave: I know. That's the thing, that's the thing! Miami Blues Alec is the hottest one, but we can't freeze him in time there, we have to know the full story

Michael: My favorite Alec Baldwin is the diner sketch from SNL with Jan Hooks. You ever seen that?

Dave: Oh, okay. Yeah yeah yeah

Michael: When he's a cowboy?

Dave: Yeah

Mark: What about Beetlejuice Alec?

Michael: Oh yeah

Dave: Acceptable

Mark: Remember? That was before we knew he had like, scary rage issues and stuff?

Dave: Yeah

Mark: I was like, "Oh, he's so nice!"

Dave: We have to take the full thing into account

Mark: Of course

Dave: But William's on top for me

Matt: One hundred percent, although Stephen has a slight edge because I loved Threesome so much

Mark: Threesome, yes

Dave: Me, too

Matt: But I'm gonna tell you where my mind went when we started ranking the Baldwins was, "Oh, no! But the one who was trans died, and where are we gonna rank her…"

Michael: Arquette?

Matt: I went to the Arquettes

Dave: Oh, yeah

Matt: Because Alexis is also in…

Mark: Threesome

Matt: Threesome

Dave: That's right

Mark: (as Alexis in Threesome) "Front desk dick!"

Matt: Should we just talk about Threesome instead of this movie?

Michael: Josh Charles, right? Oh, so cute

Mark: I will talk about Threesome all fucking night

Matt: Those two movies were probably the most formative sex movies for me

Dave: Same year too, right? Yeah

Matt: I gotta tell you, I took notes, not to brag, during this movie. I can't read any of them. The only thing I can read that stands out to me that I wrote in all-caps is, "THIS IS NOT TERRIBLE"

Mark: Yeah

Matt: Like five minutes in, I was kind of like, "You know what? I'm on board." I immediately dropped the irony and I was on the journey

Dave: Sure. Okay. Okay

Mark: I mean, sure! Listen, y'know, movies about real estate can be-- troubling, troubled real estate can be exciting, I think

Dave: Sure

Mark: There's lots to pick apart here

Dave: Yeah. And it starts with a well-done fall from a great height…

Matt: Yep

Dave: Our not quite Sharon Stone. I had forgotten about that part completely, and it was like...

Mark: Sure

Michael: Karen Moan?

Mark: Sharon's stand-in?

Dave: Yeah. Looking at her, my first thought was not, "Oh! That's right, there's somebody who looks like Sharon Stone who is murdered at the beginning." My first thought was, "Is that what Sharon Stone looked like in 1993?"

Michael: I had the same thought, because she looks different

Dave: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Dave: Like my memory has played tricks on me

Matt: I thought it was my um, width, what's the, with the…

Dave: Yeah yeah yeah

Michael: Vertical hold?

Matt: Yeah, that one

Dave: Horizontal

Mark: You're like, "Damn, this motion's smooth!" Was it Naomi Singer? Poor Naomi Singer

Michael: There is something to be said, Dave, about the sexiness, because it was a different time

Dave: I mean…

Michael: Things aren't as sexy anymore because you can find that shit anywhere, right?

Dave: Well, things are, I guess it depends on whether you find all of that carrying on sexy. My thought-- because there was a lot of screaming and pounding and…

Michael: I mean, it was...

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Michael: She looked like she wasn't having a good time

Dave: Yeah, that's exactly right. My thought during all the sex scenes was, "Who fucks like this anymore?" Like in the movies or in real life?

Mark: Did they ever?

Dave Did they ever?

Matt: I was thinking about and I'm like, okay, so I'm thirteen when I'm watching this. I had this weird friend group where there was strangely a lot of gay guys? And as soon as we hit puberty we're like hooking up and stuff. I'm like, I guarantee that I was somehow trying to model my sexual behavior after Sharon Stone, the way that she fucks in the movie

Dave: Yeah?

Michael: Like a slit in your dress…

Matt: All of it

Mark: Berets. Berets

Matt: All of it

Dave: A lot of noise

Matt: Yeah…

Michael: Looking for apartments with pillars in them

Matt: The scene when she's on her stomach on the couch, I think, and Zeke is crawling over her, and she's like… it's the movie poster, or the cover of the video or whatever

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Dave: Yes

Matt: With him over her? I'm like I know I recreated that pose at some point

Dave: Sure. Sure

Matt: Not proud of this

Dave: But how else would you learn?

Nay: Yeah

Matt: Look…

Dave: We don't get sex-ed like straight people! We gotta learn from Sharon Stone!

Mark: No, listen. 1993, or in my case, 1994, this movie was the Holy Grail at Blockbuster. And I was waitin' for the copies to come back in, so that I could rent it…

Dave: Sure

Mark: With my free employee, you know, not discount, but, you know, I'd take that home and I would study that movie

Dave: Sure.

Dave: I know I owned the soundtrack

Mark: Oh my God!

Matt: It's got a good-ass soundtrack

Michael: It really does!

Mark: The soundtrack

Dave: There are so many songs I had just forgotten about that literally are, I would sing one for you but it's just wailing and chanting and a spare Massive Attack kind of beat

Mark: (pretending to chant) Carliton Misei!

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Yeah, well, on this…

Matt: "Carly's Song"

Mark: "Carly's Song". Immortal. This soundtrack did introduce me to Massive Attack, like a lifelong sort of love affair with Massive Attack. Then it also introduced me to things like Lords of Acid that I was like, "Who are these insane horny women who are singing songs where the chorus is essentially just like, (chirpily) 'I wanna touch myself!'" Like that's it. That's all the song is. I was like, "These women are geniuses."

Dave: Was "Oh Carolina", by I believe, Shaggy, was that on the Sliver soundtrack or the Threesome soundtrack or both?

Mark Yes it was

Matt: It was on Threesome

Mark: Threesome. No no no, on Sliver.

Dave: It's definitely in Sliver…

Michael: It is?

Dave: But it might be in both.

Matt: 'Cause I know it's definitely in Threesome

Dave: It's definitely in Threesome. I could tell you the scene

Michael: (chuckling) This is amazing

Mark: What I remember is U2, Tears for Fears…

Matt: Well that song is…

Mark: God, what else?

Michael: Well, UB40

Mark: Human Sexual Response

Dave: We're talking Threesome now

Michael: Oh. You're talking Threesome?

Mark: Oh. Can we just talk about Lara Flynn Boyle? Never finer, never better

Matt: Just at her peak!

Mark: (as Lara Flynn Boyle in Threesome) "I need a facial! I need new shoes!" (normal voice) Oh, just so good

Dave: Yeah. What a good movie

Matt: Hard to believe that she was supposed to be nineteen, or eighteen I guess. They're college freshmen, right?

Dave: Yeah

Matt: Yeah

Mark: Yeah, no. She looked, no, she got divorced, like went to college

Dave: We keep steering it back to Threesome

Mark: You know, just any time

Mark: Brennan will you cue up that literally two-line exchange? I wanna talk about Mrs. McAvoy really quick. She's the strangest realtor in the history of cinema. This exchange, first of all, right off the bat, Brennan, would you mind playing that?

Brennan: I would not

(Brennan plays the clip)

Sharon Stone: What a strange tub

Mrs. McAvoy: I like tubs myself

Mark: I am sorry, that is some fleeting lesbian intrigue

Dave: Sure

Mark: I also like that moments later, they enter a room and Mrs. McAvoy is like, (as Mrs. McAvoy) "This is a great room, for reading." (normal voice) Instead of saying, "The last tenant in this place plunged to her death from the balcony, and also this is a great room for reading." They just completely neglect to tell her

Dave: Well, it's never the right time

Mark: It's true. When do you, when are you supposed to say it, really?

Dave: Right

Dave: How do we feel about the apartment?

Nay: Floors were a little dark for me

Dave: There is that dumb little kitchen cutout window, y'know that seems very…

Nay: Yeah

Mark: She was like (as Mrs. McAvoy) "An absolutely terrific kitchen." (normal voice) I was like, "Is it? Is it really that terrific?"

Nay: Right

Matt: For real estate porn, it's not that great

Dave: Also, if I have my geography right, it's Murray Hill in the early nineties. So how much Counting Crows do you wanna hear from every bar, you know what I mean? Like that continues to be a very frat boy neighborhood

Nay: Ooof

Dave: Just seems weird, for a Sliver

Mark: For a Sliver. I mean, there's a lot of shots of the building, where after a while there were so many of them that I was like, "She just moved into an erect penis."

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Like it's just a big ol' dick

Nay: (a little grossed out) Okay…

Mark: Sorry. Sorry. Someone take this microphone away from me

Dave: It's kind of a hideous building.

Michael: It's a very hideous (unintelligible)

Dave: It's not stylish at all

Michael: No

Dave: It's not sleek

Matt: I remember watching it as a kid in Ohio, I felt…

Michael: (gasps) You're from Ohio? Me too!

Matt: Southern Ohio. Where are you from?

Michael: Cleveland

Matt: Oh, I'm the opposite. The village in the very bottom. Kentucky border

Mark: Oh, you guys will never get along

Dave: "The Opposite of Cleveland" sounds like a movie that I would watch

Matt: The accents are different, it's a whole different culture

Michael: Very different, it's true

Nay: Very true

Matt: Are you from Ohio, too?

Nay: No, I'm from Illinois, but…

Dave: Where?

Nay: From Champaign-Urbana

Dave: Oh wow. I'm from St. Louis

Nay: Oh, wow. See, I feel like that whole circle, you'd go like, Chicago, St. Louis, Louisville, Cincinnati, you know that lil' midwestern ring

Matt: Have you been watching Champaign Ill?

Nay: Have I been watching what?

Matt: Wait, you're from Champaign, right?

Nay: Yeah

Matt: There's a show called Champaign Ill that's on YouTube Red

Nay: What?

Dave: Adam Pally and Sam Richardson

Nay: Oh, that's why I haven't seen it. I don't have YouTube Red

(Everyone is excited about the appearance of Georgie the dog as they leave)

Dave: Why would you tease me like that?

Michael: Write him a movie!

Mark: Champaign Ill

Michael: Boy, I can't stop thinking about the dog

Nay: I know, I know. Georgie's great

Matt: Watch Champaign Ill

Dave: It's funny, it's very funny

Nay: Oh my God, I will

Matt: Oh, I was gonna say, I remember looking at that building and that apartment, which now I admit is not that great and feeling the way I felt about, in Poltergeist II? Is II or III the Poltergeist with…?

Michael: III, with the high-rise

Matt: With Lara Flynn Boyle

Michael: Yeah, again

Mark: Uh-huh. Ohhhh

Matt: That high-rise. And I was like, "Someday, baby!"

Mark: Now that was a glamorous building

Nay: Yeah

Dave: Sure

Matt: That should have been the building (Sharon Stone) should have lived in, that should be the Sliver building

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Nancy Allen with those shoulder pads?

Michael: I'm scared?

Mark: She's like, (as Nancy Allen) "I have an art gallery in this building. I just have to go downstairs to where…" (normal voice) I was like, "This bitch. Ohhh…"

Matt: So good

Nay: Yeah. I felt that that apartment was bomb when I was little. Also, Single White Female

Dave: Sure

Nay: I was just obsessed with white women moving into apartments. I was just like, "Oh my God!"

Mark: That's the Dakota, right? No, the Dakota's Rosemary's Baby. Which building was- the Ansonia, that's where they shot Single White Female, I believe

Michael: When I was a kid, I always wanted like, an adult apartment

Nay: Yeah. Hell yeah

Dave: Oh yeah

Michael: I wanted to live in like, the Kramer versus Kramer apartment…

Dave: Yesss

Michael: Minus the divorcing parents

Dave: Jessica Lange's apartment in Tootsie?

Michael: Yeah!

Nay: Oh my God, yes!

Mark: That was an apartment

Dave: And then you get to New York City and you see what you can afford on an entry-level salary and that is a rude awakening. I remember, I just assumed that, really, I mean until I was too old- I moved to New York when I was twenty-two, which is too old to think this, but I really thought when I started looking at apartments it was all just gonna be floor through. Like I'd get on an elevator, it would go right to my apartment, the doors would open like this way, and it would be my giant living room and I would, you know, do the "Pleasure Principle" video and everyone could really explore and, no. The first place I looked at, there was no kitchen and a shared bathroom

Michael: You know it's probably smaller than this conference room

Nay: (sing-song) Bachelor

Dave: Oh, it was a quarter of the size of this conference room. It was a jail cell

Matt: This is like college

Mark: My first New York apartment, it was a railroad where it was just, I had to walk through…

Dave: Oh sure

Mark: Y'know, three different people's lives, just to…

Dave: Yeah. Not uncommon

Mark: It was really…

Matt: (chuckling) Three different people's lives

Mark: It was really… it was humbling

Dave: Not great

Mark: There's so many things to unpack, there's so many characters that I don't understand, like Judy, played by the immortal Colleen Camp

Michael: (laughing) I hate her!

Dave: Judy is the co-worker?

Mark: Yeah

Dave: All right folks, all right. All right

Mark: Feckless, feckless, definitely concupuscent

Dave: I mean, has she ever had sex ever?

Michael: Right?

Mark: No

Dave: Constantly talking about sex, in the clunkiest way

Michael: Talking about impotence a lot

Dave: Yeah. And real loud so everyone can hear her. She, okay there are two moments from her that make this the most Joe Eszterhaus production of all time. First one is I think just because of shitty editing, it's like Judy hasn't talked to Sharon Stone in a long time and she's like, (as Judy) "Honey, where are you?" (normal voice) It's over the phone so we only hear her, and she says two things that are ridiculous, especially in the order they're in. She says, (as Judy) "Where have you been? You're probably having multiple orgasms! You're probably having sex!" (normal voice) The second is implied by the first. It's so silly. And then, again, in front of all of her co-workers, she says something that is peak Joe Eszterhaus, which is, (as Judy) "I've been spending so much time with my vibrator I've been getting a plastic yeast infection!"

Brennan: I have that clip, if you would like to hear it

Dave: Yes, I would like to hear that!

Michael: Absolutely!

(Brennan plays the clip)

Judy: You do look like you fucked your brains out. Look at you! What are you smiling at? That damn eclair?

Nay: Maybe

Michael: I would be

Judy: I want to know everything. Every little grunt, every wiggle!

Dave: "Every wiggle."

Sharon Stone: There's nothing to tell. You've been spending too much time with your vibrator

Judy: I certainly have. I'm getting a plastic yeast infection!

Dave: All right. What does that mean? What does that mean, Judy?! What does that mean?

Nay: Who the fuck wrote that?

Dave: Joe Eszterhaus wrote that!

Mark: Joe Eszterhaus

Nay: Someone that doesn't have a vagina

Matt: Absolutely

Mark: Judy is… you guys remember the Bruce McCulloch "Kathy with a K" character from…?

Michael: Yes!!

Mark: You know, is just like, (groans goofily like Bruce as Kathy with a K)

Michael: Weren't there two Kathies?

Dave: Yes

Mark: There's a "Cathy with a C", a "Kathy with a K"

Michael: Oh God, it's so great

Mark: Yeah, but just a nymphomaniacal version of this

Nay: You know what's unrealistic about that phone call for me, I was like, "Who would assume that a cisgender straight woman having sex with a cisgender straight man is having multiple orgasms? Why is that the question you ask?"

Dave: Judy. Well, Judy. Simply Judy

Mark: Judy

Nay: Oh my God, you're right! Has she ever had sex, because she would know…

Dave: No. Never seen a dick in her life

Nay: That's not what they're handing out, yeah

Mark: I feel like the trope of the office friend who just starts screaming at you about dick the second you get off the elevator is like a storied- I can think of another with like Alex Borstein in Catwoman, you remember her? I mean she just had dick on the brain, too

Dave: Sure

Mark: And I remember there's been others…

Nay: I think I've gone through that phase

Mark: Yeah?

Nay: Yeah

Matt: Yeah, that's another...

Mark: Where you were that co-worker?

Nay: Yeah!

Dave: You had the good sense to text them or something. You didn't Slack

Nay: Well I also was logical…

Michael: At least do it in iChat?

Dave: Yeah

Nay: I wasn't like, (pretending to yell) "Hey, oh my God did you get it?!?" (normal voice) or whatever

Michael: You weren't yelling, "Plastic yeast infection"?

Nay: No, 'cause I'm not an idiot

Dave: What. Does. That. Mean? Okay, someone wrote that…

Matt: Uh-huh

Dave: Then did a second pass, kept it in...

Mark: Rewrites

Dave: Pitched it, took it out…

Michael: Studio heads said, "Sure". Director...

Dave: Studio heads signed off on it, people, they had notes that survived many many rounds of notes. A lot of actresses had to come in and say that line. One of them got the part, she said it, they did a few takes, they got coverage, there's other people, there's a craft services person with a bowl of M&Ms. Nobody said, "What is a plastic yeast infection and what does that have to do with anything?" ''How? How?''

Brennan: I believe you're positing that that line was on the audition sides, and you're completely right. That's obviously the line that you would use

Dave: Of course! Absolutely!

Michael: Of course! And they had her do a walk-and-talk even during the audition...

Dave: Mmm-hmm

Michael: While she said it…

Dave: Oh, but in place. Like Whose Line is it Anyway

Michael: And when that actress said it, "That's our Judy."

Dave: "She has that magic"

Nay: It feels like a testament to just how little anyone knows-slash-cares about vaginas

Michael: Well, Joe Eszterhaus, every screenplay he writes is like he's living some high school fantasy of his own

Dave: Yes

Nay: Well, I mean, Showgirls….

Dave: Yeah, it's just hubris and he, I think is trying to be an auteur of sex, you know? He really felt like he was on to something beautiful and transgressive. It's just cocaine. It's just cocaine.

Matt: It's strange, but somehow in Sharon Stone's hands there are moments where I'm like, "You know, this doesn't feel that male gaze-y to me." There's moments where I'm like, "Oh, she is getting hers…"

Nay: She's enjoying herself

Matt: "And she is a woman who wants to have multiple orgasms…"

Dave: Yeah!

Matt: And I think that's awesome

Mark: For Joe Eszterhaus, this is his Fear of Flying, for sure.

Dave: And we do get a little bit of a gaze at William Baldwin at the gym, doing a machine, what is the machine?

Michael: Yeah

Dave: What is that?

Michael: The ass machine?

Mark: And Sharon Stone's like, (as Sharon Stone) "What's that??"

Dave: Yeah, what is that? It's a donkey kick machine

Mark: (as Sharon Stone) "I don't know!"

Michael: Yeah. In his bike shorts

Dave: Yeah. In his bike shorts. In his black shoes and white socks  

Michael: And he has handgrips even though he's using his foot?

Dave: Yes. Yeah. Very, very strange. Just a very strange machine

Matt: But again, formative as a kid...

Michael: Absolutely!

Matt: I was like, " I'm gonna work out like that when I grow up."

Michael: That and the...

Mark: Oh yeah, the "gym date".(scoffing) The "gym date". "Let me take you on a date to the gym."

Nay: Gross

Michael: Having him sitting on the edge of the bed with just the sheet, perfectly…

Dave: Yeah

Michael: I was like, "Can we just get a little more light in this? I mean, come on."

Mark: It seems, I guess, for Joe Eszterhaus, I think his brand of feminism, with gigantic air quotes around the word, is the idea that he will frequently have female characters say things that are "shocking!" Or quote-unquote "shocking" but in ordinary life just don't make any sense. Such as "plastic yeast infection" or when Sharon/Carly meets Vida (pronounced "Vy-da"). Which I'm like, her name's "Vida",  you pronounce it "Vee-da". Who the fuck pronounces it "Vy-da"? But Vida, she's like, (as Vida) "Oh, you're new, aren't you?" (normal voice) And Sharon's like, "Yeah, I just moved in." And she's like (as Vida) "Oh, I know. It's worse than anal intercourse." (normal voice) And I'm like, who says that to their new neighbor?!?!

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Who is like. "Just throw it in. You know, maybe she's into butt stuff, I'll just drop it in right here," and I'm like, "What?"

Michael: (sing-song) Backstory

Nay: Yeah! Feeling it out. "Lemme see what she does when I say this."

Mark: Yeah!

Dave: For the people who made it, I don't think, I mean it is trash, there's no question that it's trash…

Michael: Yeah

Dave: But the people who made it, I think, think that they were being…

Michael: Clever and successful, yeah

Dave: That they were moving culture forward with it, and that the shock had a utility in the world. They were making- they were changing the world with their filthy talk. And for a moment they were! I mean they had three giant hit movies, right? Well, two giant hit movies and Showgirls

Michael: This was a big hit, right?

Dave: It was!

Mark: Well, it grossed $116 million…

Michael: What.

Mark: Yeah, I know. Just all of a sudden it turned quite a profit

Dave: I consider Showgirls a hit movie, but it famously was not

Mark: It finally turned a profit, just recently

Dave: Earlier this afternoon

Mark: Twenty minutes ago

Matt: I'm trying to, what is the meet-cute between Sharon Stone and William Baldwin?

Michael: Lobby

Matt: He opens the door for her in the lobby, right?

Dave: Yeah, he picks up a box for her

Michael: He's saying, "I'll carry your box."

Matt: Oh, okay, so she's in the elevator and she gets off the elevator and then he says, and this is one I wrote down. This is not terrible. He says casually, throw away, "I'll see you," and then he says that again the next time he sees her 'cause he's literally going to see her, guys!

Dave: He will see her. Oh, that is lovely

Matt: He's watching, see?

Mark: I see what Joe did there, yep

Matt: How did I become the Joe Eszterhaus apologist here?

Mark: No, listen…

Matt: I'm, I'm, he's disgusting

Mark: I mean, no, he's a fascinating interview certainly, like when you read him or listen to him, he's great. I think my favourite though is that there's also a meet-cute about Tom Berenger where he dresses like the Unabomber and like grabs Sharon Stone in Central Park

Michael: Yeah, jumps in front of her

Dave: Runs at her. Never appropriate in human history

Matt: I was gonna say….

Nay: Right. Right

Mark: In a million years

Michael: Might as well have just gone, "Rrraaaahhhh!"

Dave: A little abrupt

Michael: Yeah?

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Which he starts laughing at her

Matt: I don't even know what we were meant to be feeling about Tom Berenger. Like I know that we…

Michael: Were we supposed to like him?

Matt: Unclear

Michael: Yeah

Matt: And are we supposed to be like, "He's hot, too."

Mark: "He's roguish. She should- What a race."

Michael: "He sucks with this terrible writer."

Dave: Yeah. He's attractive… in it

Michael: Yeah, he is

Matt: I definitely as an adult see it more than I did as a kid

Dave: Sure. He was invisible to me as a kid

Mark: Agreed

Matt: I was like, "He's disgusting."

Dave: Another question. Is he the killer at the end? Fully by the end I had disengaged emotionally from the entire thing and was just like…

Nay: In this version, right?

Michael: Well, he threw her off the building, right?

Matt: Yes, but… there was a version they shot…

Nay: Yeah

Matt: Where I think they did not show him throw her off the building, and instead there's a scene, that we've all seen…

Mark: Which is available on YouTube and we'll make available to you lucky, lucky listeners. It's where, it reveals that Zeke is in fact the one behind all the killings

Dave: Well at least one of 'em

Matt: The sound is so bad that I didn't understand. I only understood by reading about it on the internet while watching it, but…

Mark: It's true

Dave: Then explain. 'Cause I didn't...

Matt: They get married. Zeke and Carly get married…

Dave: Right. Real quick

Matt: I don't remember what happens with the struggle and the…

Michael: There's a fuckin' wedding? Do they show the wedding?

Mark: Oh yeah. It's on top of "Manhattan's exclusive Sliver building".

Dave: Uh-huh. Where else would it be?

Mark: I know! Why would you do it anywhere else?

Brennan: He can't leave the building, he's clearly a ghost

Dave: Ohh!

Matt: Ohhh! Now that's…

Mark: Well, actually they do leave the building in this alternate ending

Michael: They go to the gym

Mark: That's true, they go to the gym

Brennan: Isn't the gym in the building?

Matt: It should be

Michael: I, yeah

Mark: My favourite is when they leave the gym and her dialogue is so insane. They're just leaving the gym, she's like, (as "Sharon Stone") "How often do you work out?"

Dave: Oh! And you know how often he works out?

Dave and Michael: (in unison) "Three times a week!"

Michael: Wow!

Dave: She's like, "Oooohhh!" That's… bare minimum

Mark: (Valley girl voice) "Oh my God, that's crazy!"

Dave: Also, this is I believe, I mean it's not the first time, but certainly this movie's on the cutting edge of bucket drummers. That was still fresh at the time

Mark: Yep. And it's like, "Oh, urban edgy! Ohh!"

Michael: So many fucking mirrors in the movie

Dave: Yeah

Brennan: So what happens after the wedding?

Dave: So yeah, they get married

Matt: You might have to help me talk through this. So they get married and go on their honeymoon and they're flying a helicopter and Zeke is piloting the helicopter…

Dave: Yeah. 'Cause he can just apparently do that

Mark: And Carly has a camcorder and she's taping him and they're having kind of weird, kind of self-satisfied, y'know, repartee

Matt: Because I think this eliminates the whole, she confronts him, she shoots the screens out, it's all, she's still in the voyeur thing with him, and...

Mark: Yeah, no. I think basically what happens is that they fly into a volcano the end

Michael: Wait, what?!?!

Dave: Do they?

Matt: But before they do, she gets it out of him that he actually kills…

Mark: Is the killer

Dave: Well, he at least killed the old guy

Nay: And it's unclear if she's on board or not when they go in (the volcano)

Michael: What the fuck?

Mark: Essentially…

Dave: Well, he unbuckles her, right?

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Dave: As they're about to, as they're already in a helicopter high above the earth...

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Dave: He unbuckles her, and then she's like, "I have the tape of you and whatever the old guy's name was."

Mark: Gus

Dave: Gus. And…

Mark: It's like, "I saw the tape of you two in the shower," and I was like, "Go on…"

Dave: Yeah, no, it's him doing however he, I dunno. But as he has said to her about the seat belt, she's like, "It's more fun that way." So they both, y'know, could kill each other at any moment

Nay: (doubtful) Okay…

Dave: And then they fly into an active volcano…

Nay: Freak for Freak. I like to (unintelligible)

Dave: And then the screen back in the screening room goes to static, which maybe means that they?

Mark: And it pulls back...

Dave: And it pulls back

Mark: Into the sort of the viewing room, and then it holds there, which presumably was going to be for the credits

Michael: And Mrs. McAvoy was watching this whole thing?

Mark: I wish

Dave: And we hear UB40's…

Mark: She's showing new tenants (as Mrs. McAvoy) "It's got central air, lots of TVs…"

Dave: Yeah. "This is a great room for reading."

Mark: (as Mrs. McAvoy) "You like to watch, don't you?"

Dave: But we get to hear all of "Can't Help Falling in Love" by UB40

Mark: That's right

Dave: Which, in the final version, we only hear a tiny snippet of, that of course being the big hit song from the soundtrack

Mark: I heard that song, I heard, you know, having had very warm and fuzzy feelings about the soundtrack, watching this film, not having seen it in a long time, but having a very specific UB40 relationship recently, I was like, "Oh, is this Brett Kavanaugh's favourite movie?" You know…

Nay: Ugh

Michael: Oh, good lord

Mark: He's watched this movie and been like, "Oh yeah, there's something…"

Dave: And a love-hate relationship with UB40

Mark: But a kind of like, every man in this movie basically is- here's the thing about the movie. What's interesting about that volcano ending is at least it's nodding toward a Pretty Poison kind of twist where you know, sort of, the dewy-eyed ingenue turns out to be a helluva lot crazier than, you know, sort of the purported villain. Which, by the way, if you've never seen Pretty Poison, amazing movie. So good. Tuesday Weld is like crazy brilliant in it. But the thing is, this movie, Sliver, which always drove me crazy, watching it this time, it wanted to sell you on the idea that voyeurism was really getting under her skin and it was affecting her somehow. But I was like, "How?" All it does is show her want dick, cry during sex. She doesn't do anything

Dave: Yeah, no

Mark: When the Chester molester guy who's going after his stepdaughter, I was like at least the movie should have the good sense to let her be the one to play God and make the phone call, and A.) Not just give him a warning, like, "That last molestation was free! The next one, you're in trouble."

Dave: Yeah

Mark: It was like, no! Just have her play God, have her do something that makes her feel empowered. As opposed to William Baldwin walking in with Chinese food, going like, (as William Baldwin) "Hey babe. I called 'em."

Michael: He calls her at work

Nay: Push his ass off the balcony

Dave: Right, yeah

Mark: I dunno

Dave: One funny thing about the alternate ending, as opposed to the ending they went with, which was um, Sharon Stone, they're in the viewing room or whatever and he's like, "I'm gonna go get some food. Do you want anything?" And she's like, "Whatever." But in the alternate ending she's like, "I want truffles."

Michael: They talked about truffles in the beginning of the movie, too, like, "Wanna go out for truffles?"

Mark: (as William Baldwin) "That place is closed on Mondays, babe."

Dave: Trruffles. Are they gonna dig with their snouts?

Michael: When they went out to dinner, it was for truffles

Mark: For truffle…

Nay: Oh my God

Dave: Do you just eat truffles?

Mark: Oh my God, that dinner…

Michael: "You love truffles, I love truffles"

Mark: That dinner…

Nay: I was like, "Oh, I'm not rich enough. I've never eaten just truffles."

Matt: I don't think I know what truffles are, because I...

Dave: Yeah, I don't think that's what's done

Brennan: They're a mushroom

Michael: They're essentially mushrooms

Matt: When you're eating them, you're just eating a mushroom? I'm thinking of like, truffle oil…

Nay: They're shaved onto your pasta, or like…

Michael: Exactly…

Nay: You're not like, "Let's go out for truffles."

Michael: It's not like "We have a nice steak tonight or a truffle."

Dave: "Or you can eat a tray of truffles"

Matt: But are we meant to believe that they were just going to eat truffles?

Michael: Yeah, because he was like, "You like truffles, let's go get truffles."

Nay: Freak freak, freak freak

Brennan: They never order it, though

Michael: Well, yeah

Mark: I think that's Joe Eszterhaus trying to sell the idea that they're into a glamorous thing...

Michael: They're so glamorous?

Dave: Truffles equal glamour?

Mark: Like they've completely indulged all their senses, and now they're gonna eat truffles. Nom-nom-nom. I don't know

Michael: She balls her panties and hands them to him?

Nay: Girl…

Mark: Okay, imagine sitting next to that couple. These two fucking zombies talking about, like muttering about panties next to you. I was watching it and I was like, I felt for this old couple next to them

Michael: They're just trying to eat their salads?

Mark: Yeah

Nay: I fucking wish someone would try to get me to do something I don't wanna do by saying, "You lose." I'm like, "I don't fucking care. I don't give a fuck. I'm not doin' this shit!"

Matt: "I'm not, I'm not playing this game."

Dave: Yeah.

Michael: And why is that "Poker"? Just call it "Dare", like you're daring each other. I dunno

Nay: Try actin' up in a fuckin' restaurant and leave me alone and never talk to me again

Michael: "I'll just pay for the bill."

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Did you guys know that in the script, Carly is described…

Michael: There's a script?

Mark: I know. And she's described in the script as, quote, "The kind of woman who, given the day could look either thirty-five or forty-five."

Michael: (giggling) No fuckin' way, really?

Dave: Get the fuck out of here

Nay: Damn

Mark: Yes!

Matt: Get outta here

Michael: What?

Mark: Yes. I screamed when I read that. I was like, "Oh, that's so good. It's perfect. Of course. Of course!"

Nay: Huh

Matt: We were talking before how they make such a meal out of how Zeke is younger than her, but I'm like, "Is he?"

Dave: Barely

Matt: "Is he maybe two years younger than Sharon Stone?"

Michael: That's what I was trying to figure out

Dave: He looks between thirty-four and thirty-six

Michael: When they shot the movie, Sharon Stone was thirty-five, he was thirty

Dave: Oh, shit

Michael: I was like, how young are they trying to say he is? Because they look the exact same age. I had to look it up to make sure he wasn't older, and surprisingly he was younger

Dave: I love the detail that (Zeke's) dead mother was on a soap opera because it precedes them looking in on various apartment buildings where people are talking as though they're on a soap opera. Like the guy who, (fey southern accent) "They found und a shadow on my lung, honey." (concerned normal voice) "What is it?" (fey southern accent) "They say it's probably nothing, but it could be a tumor." (concerned normal voice) "Honey you have to go back to the doctor," like it's not the way people talk at all. At all. Across the board, the girl who's being molested, "I hate you, I hate you!" leaving the room. This is not, it's not slice of life

Mark: No

Dave: At all. It's very soapy

Mark: It's full-on Days (of Our Lives). It's just Days

Michael: It wishes it was Days

Matt: When we started- I mean now that, can we talk about Days now?

Michael: Yeah! Austin?

Matt: Did it occur to you in this that when we started to learn Zeke's backstory that this is the Donald Trump story?

Michael: Ohhhh

Mark: Huh

Dave: Fuck

Matt: He's the son of a real estate mogul?

Michael: Right?

Dave: Oh, wow

Matt: Now I'm confusing him with…

Michael: Yeah, right?

Matt: Right?

Brennan: He got the apartment from his dad

Michael: And handed the building from his dad

Matt: He got handed the building from his dad…

Mark: Yep

Matt: Hates women

Michael: There's no Black people in the building

Matt: Right

Dave: That's very true

Matt: He has the very special filing cabinet

Dave: Well there is, but one is terminally ill, so…

Mark: Oh, that's right

Nay: Yeah, they're fine

Matt: Yeah

Mark: (as a chipper realtor) "It's okay. That unit will be vacant really soon." (normal voice) It's like, Zeke's not sweating it

Matt: There was a Black guy who I remember very clearly because you see him getting out of the shower and he is…

Michael: Oh, yeah. Was he also the pilot that for some reason is just staring into a mirror at the end?

Matt: Yes

Dave: Oh, yeah

Michael: Did you notice that?

Mark: But here's the thing. Watching it in 2019, you know, I was like, "Wow, this is the most revolting boomer sex fantasy I have ever seen. Just, bluh, I feel so gross watching it." But at the same time, I can't deny there's still that kind of, that 1993 forbidden fruit. And y'know, Sharon Stone in a certain way, being, at least for this fag, being, just, being in love with her at that time because she just did not give a shit. Basic Instinct was, I mean, that movie was batshit crazy. I dunno if any of you have watched it recently, but it's pretty great in the sense that it just makes no- by the way, have you ever watched Basic Instinct the Blu-ray with Camille Paglia's commentary?

Dave: No

Mark: Which, don't, y'know Camille Paglia is like, "mrrr, okay, whatever," but it's her favourite movie and she recorded this commentary ages ago, and it is the funniest fucking thing, because she spends every single scene so excited to be watching this movie. They cut to like, Catherine Trammell's beach house or whatever and she's like, (as Camille Paglia) "Catherine Trammell! Nestled! Spider-like! In rocks! Rocky! Dangerous! Man-trap! Blah blah blah!"

Dave: Oh, I love it

Mark: She's just in this frenzy and you just, I dunno- it's pee your pants funny and it's good and I really enjoy it

Matt: Oh, I need it!

Mark: Oh yeah, definitely

Dave: (Sliver) is, even though it is not great, and problematic and crazy, there's something- the combination of William Baldwin's eyes with the kind of fringe of hair is movie (unintelligible) and the kind of, "Whoop!"

Michael: "Bloop-bloop"

Dave: That genre of music, y'know?

Mark: Yeah

Dave: Chanting and wailing and "Whoop!" It awakens something primal in me. It really does. I can't explain it. I'm still powerless

Matt: No, he still does it for me, too. I love him in it

Dave: Oh, God

Michael: I couldn't get past the way she, like just her orgasm sounds

Dave: Yeah. It's a lot

Michael: I was like, "What is happening?" It reminded me a lot of Drag Race when Alyssa Edwards couldn't have an orgasm when they were doing a telenovela

Mark: Oh, I don't remember

Michael: She was supposed to be pretending to have an orgasm, and Jinx Monsoon was killing the orgasm game, and Alyssa wasn't, and I was like, "That's Sharon Stone."

Nay: Oh, that's true

Michael: But it also makes me think, "What did the director and writer think women orgas-- like female orgasms sound like?"

Mark: Well, listen. So famously Sharon and William did not get along

Nay: Uh-oh

Mark: So that might have…

Dave: Oh really?

Mark: Yeah, Sharon, look, I'm always gonna fall on Sharon's side. She gives, y'know, she gave it the old college try as far as I'm concerned, y'know, because these scenes are basically just being flung up against posts and shit and getting pinned down and it's just like, "uch," by… but apparently she really had a rift with Baldwin on set after he described her to the crew as, quote, "Thin lips. Okay breath."

Nay: Oh!

Dave: Wow. Wow

Mark: And she was just like, "Are you fucking kidding me?"

Nay: I mean…

Mark: And then, and then their "feud" on set escalated. Apparently they asked Phillip Noyce if they could shoot their scenes separately as much as possible, so sometimes I think certain scenes they're not even in the same room. And there was a scene where he was not supposed to do this, but he full-on slipped her the tongue and she bit it so hard…

Brennan: Oh, good for her!

Mark: That he couldn't speak for a week

Nay: Nice

Matt: Wow

Mark: So. Sliver was a really warm, cordial fun set. Everyone had a great time and yeah, it shows

Michael: It does

Dave: Oh my God

Michael: I kept thinking about what a remake would look like today, y'know?

Mark: Well, that's the thing, y'know, there's something, an impression about Sliver, right- even though, you, Dave described the, some of the surveillance scenes as being really "soapy and a little purple" in terms of how they're presented. At the same time, when the camera is just allowed to drift over this sort of, like these different lives, there is something unsettling and creepy and kind of fascinating...

Dave: Right

Mark: So there's definitely something there. It's interesting. And it's definitely kind of- do you guys think this movie, even in its ham-fisted horny way predicted a kind of fascination with quote-unquote "reality minutia"? I mean, is that a reach, or is there something to that?

Matt: I don't think it's a reach. I think that's what he was vaguely reaching for with the original ending, with the panning back to the screen that was, y'know

Mark: Absolutely

Matt: We're being confronted. We like to watch too! Just like Carly

Mark: Yeah. It's true. "How does it feel?!" And it's exactly like ke he turns it on us

Dave: In terms of a remake, I'm just trying to figure who occupies the William Baldwin space right now. Or the Sharon Stone space, frankly

Mark: The Sharon space, I feel after seeing Red Sparrow, Jennifer Lawrence could

Dave: Really?

Michael: She came to my mind, too

Matt: I don't want that to be my answer but I think it is

Michael: Same. I don't want it to be either

Mark: No? Red Sparrow 's a good time

Nay: I just say yes

Michael: Katherine Heigl

Mark and Matt: Oh, wow!

Matt: Unexpected

Nay: Okay. Rachel McAdams

Matt: Jennifer Aniston? I'm just saying

Dave: Maybe

Mark: Now listen, Jennifer Aniston in a remake of Sliver is something I would watch

Michael: Oh! Blake Lively! Blake Lively would do it

Mark: Oh yeah, Blake would be interesting

Matt: I just saw A Simple Favor and it's so good

Michael: That's great

Mark: She's great in it

Dave: But who is making good, high-quality…

Matt: Like erotic thrillers?

Dave: Big budget erotic trash any more? Who is the actress, or the actor?

Matt: Well, there's the Fifty Shades movies

Dave: (weakly) Yeah…

Nay: "High-quality"

Dave: Yeah. And Dakota Johnson does other things

Mark: I feel like, are we going full-on arty, like, say, I mean (pronounced with a French accent) Catherine Bréa would be...

Matt: Who?

Mark: (Pronounced without the French accent) Catherine Bréa? She made Fat Girl and um…

Dave: Oh no, I'm talking actress wise

Mark: Oh, my bad! Okay, sorry. I was thinking of who would be overseeing this

Michael: Are there erotic thrillers made anymore?

Dave: Yeah, probably not

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Right? I can't...

Dave: And also, has impressive chest hair been replaced by abs and shoulders in the popular- like when you look at men?

Michael: Chest hair's made a comeback, right? No?

Dave: I dunno

Brennan: You get 2011 Penn Badgley to do it

Dave: Oh!

Brennan: I am only thinking about Penn Badgley. Also, Megan Hilty from Smash for the lead role

Mark: Hmmm, interesting

Matt: Wow

Michael: I could see a chest hairy Chris Evans.

Brennan: Oh yeah, he does like to do that on the offseasons

Michael: If he doesn't shave, he's got a lot of chest hair

Dave: Yeah

Michael: Yeah

Mark: Now I'm just hell casting it

Matt: It's really hard. I'm also just mourning the end of that era, it's like I don't know that you can make a trashy erotic thriller now

Michael: The early nineties thrillers, man. The erotic ones and the non-erotic ones, they don't make movies like that these days

Dave: Well, David DeCoteau, or whatever, I don't know what that guy's name is

Michael: Oh yeah

Dave: I love those

Matt: This is semi-related, but...

Michael: The Brotherhood?

Dave: Oh! Gimme it. I love it

Matt: Do you guys remember a movie called Stacy? No, it's called Lisa, with…

Mark: Yes

Matt: Stacey Keenan and...

Michael: Stacey Keenan from Step-by-Step?

Matt: Stacey Keenan from Step-by-Step, My Two Dads

Michael: Yep

Matt: And Morgan Fairchild? No, it's not Morgan Fairchild. Someone Morgan Fairchild-esque plays her mother

Mark: I just remember the poster and the font. I don't remember the cast. But she's on the phone, right? She doesn't make obscene phone calls, but what does she do?

Matt: She pretends to be an adult, she's a kid who pretends to be an adult...

Mark: That 's right

Matt: And gets a crush on this adult guy and starts making sexy phone calls to him and they sort of…

Michael: PG-13

Matt: What she doesn't know is that he's a serial killer!!!

Dave: Oh no

Michael: Cheryl Ladd

Matt: Cheryl Ladd!

Mark: (amused) Cheryl Ladd

Dave: I love that it's a dramatic movie called "LISA"

Matt: And D.W. Moffat is the killer

Dave: And my thing today, I was jogging and I went past the Alita: Battle Angel bus shelter today, and just how different would it be if it were "Anita: Battle Angel"? Just a tiny little change

Michael: What a… Lisa

Dave: Yeah

Michael: My movie's called "Lisa"

Dave: Yeah

Michael: "Joyce"

Dave: "The Warrior"

Matt: I love Lisa

Michael: The spin-off for Basic Instinct, or Sliver could've been Judy

Dave: Judy! She does deserve her own Netflix original show

Matt: Yeah

Michael: She's still lookin' for that orgasm thirty years later

Dave: (as Judy) "Hey! Are you having orgasms in there?!?!" (normal voice) "This is the post office…"

Michael: It's just her voice outside of doors

Dave: Yeah

Mark: Oh my God

Nay: Also, you have a vibrator and you're not having orgasms? That is what they're for! That's like the dependable orgasm

Mark: And Judy, Judy see a doctor

Nay: Good lord, yeah

Matt: For multiple reasons

Dave: Yes

Nay: That's true. Not everyone can have an orgasm or is interested in orgasms, for sure

Mark: But...

Nay: It sure seemed like you want one, yeah

Michael: Get that girl a Sybian

Mark: Now because this is a, you know, quote-unquote "queer podcast", I remember when I mentioned to Josh that we were doing Sliver, he was like, "Fantastic! But that's not… queer. There's nothing queer about Sliver, is there?"

Dave: Well, my appreciation of it is very queer

Matt: Indeed

Michael: Yes!

Mark: And again, exactly, that's what's sort of fascinating about Sliver. I mean aside from the fact that, you know, the gayest thing I can think about it literally is that, you know, the nineties featured a lot of embattled, kind-of maybe horny women in berets, like, y'know, who y'know, had to, "I'm gonna have to go through, crawl through glass to get to the other side." Like Sharon in this, Jennifer Jason Leigh in Dolores Claiborne. Anyway, there's a whole list. But, you know, my questions are, "Is this movie gay just because of Sharon Stone literally?" And conversely, "What does it mean that there's literally nothing queer about this movie and yet to appreciate it means that somehow, you have to be a gay person on some level to appreciate it in a way that goes beyond the sum of its parts, kind of."

Matt: Yeah

Dave: I think it's queer in the same way that like, Sex, Lies and Videotape… is, because I think it is about an alternate expression of sexuality, kind of? Although he's not really, he doesn't necessarily get off watching people, but that's kind of his whole character

Matt: Right

Mark: Mmm-hmm

Dave: And that he works out his butt while wearing waiter shoes.

Dave and Matt: What could be gayer than that?

Matt: That's right

Mark: That gym outfit was, really, I was, "Oh! Okay! All right, sure. Yeah."

Matt: I also think just Sharon, yeah, I mean Sharon Stone's essence is just so, so queer. But also something about her, you know, this forbidden lust element that she- he's too young and she knows that she's not supposed to and then she gets sucked into liking to watch. Something about it really resonated with me as a kid

Dave: Yeah. Something vampiric about it

Matt: Yeah

Mark: Yeah

Matt: It's a pretty gay movie!

Brennan: And this movie was based on a novel by Ira Levin, who wrote Rosemary's Baby and The Stepford Wives, and even though he was a straight man, I feel like he really crossed a lot of gender lines to get into the meat of how women are treated by what was modern society at the time.

Mark: Mmmm

Brennan: And there's not, that's not not queer.

Mark: Fair

Brennan: He's kind of like an all-gender being in my mind. He wrote a song for Barba Streisand. Ira Levin is the best

Michael: Well I think when you're younger, Sharon's an avatar

Matt: Right

Michael: Sharon's you, you know what I mean?

Nay: Yeah

Michael: I know when I was a kid watching it, I was like, "I'm Sharon Stone."

Matt: Exactly

Dave: Wow

Nay: Baby Michael! So cute

Michael: Oh my God. My giant fuckin' braces

Dave: Do we know how the Ira Levin ends?

Brennan: I don't

Michael: Volcano?

Brennan: I can tell you how Son of Rosemary ends, but that's probably not relevant

Dave: No, no

Michael: Thanks, Brennan

Nay: I think for me as a kid, it was just easy access porn, because there wasn't the internet...

Michael: Yeah

Nay: There wasn't free porn on the internet, if you had the internet. And the most porn I ever could see was like, a scrambled channel ninety-nine while, like, y'know?

Michael: I feel ya, yeah

Nay: And so, I was like, "Oh my God!" So you know my old-lookin' ass would go rent it at Blockbuster…

Matt: Yeah!

Nay: 'Cause they were like, "Oh, this grown-up woman, probably, wants to rent Sliver. Again."

Michael: And they thought you were Judy

Mark: Looking at it, watching it, you know, with fourteen-year-old eyes, you know, kind of, Sharon only has three modes in this movie, which is sort of sad, scared, and horny, or like, during the sex scenes like literally scared horny or "scorny".

Michael: Yeah, like crying

Matt: Scorny!

Michael: Scorny

Mark: She looks like, (Valley Girl voice) "Oh my Gooood!" (normal voice) She looks like she's trying to- there's a Pepé Lé Pew vibe in some of the sex scenes

Michael: What's going on with his dick?

Mark: I dunno

Dave: You can download the book, in PDF

Michael: For free?

Dave: Uh, yeah

Matt: Very disappointing to see that she's not on that cover

Dave: No she's not

Matt: Missed opportunity. But it is hot.

Dave: Anyway. I was gonna see just what the last line of the novel was

Nay: Great

Dave: Because I think we deserve that

Matt: We do

Michael: It just says, "Volcano".

Nay: So that helicopter crashed in filming, right?

Mark: The actual- so it's weird. We got to see the alternate ending where there is footage and they sell the idea that the helicopter goes into the volcano. However, the crew that actually did, I think a lot of second unit stuff, to really, really get in there, that helicopter did crash…

Nay: Yeah

Mark: And those guys were lucky to be alive, and all footage was lost

Nay: Yeah

Dave: Geez!

Mark: There's actually an element, an element, an episode of a show called I'm Lucky to Be Alive or something… where they talked about those guys

Matt: Oh, wow

Nay: That's hard to forget

Mark: Yeah, it's pretty wild. But can you imagine, like, "I nearly died for Sliver?"

Dave: You know, it's funny. I meant to mention this. There is an episode of I Had A Plastic Yeast Infection about Judy

Mark: Nice

Dave: That's worth watching

Mark: Brave. Very brave

Dave: Yeah

Nay: I mean, it could have least said like, B.V., bacterial vaginosis. I'm like, that's a lot more believable of a thing to get from a vibrator if you're, you know, it's not clean

Dave: Yeah. Doesn't have the heat of a yeast infection. I mean cultural heat, I don't mean...

Matt: But in the Katherine Heigl remake, with Penn Badgley, she gets B.V.

Nay: Yes! I would love to see someone get B.V. in a movie

Mark: Listen. And you know, that's the kind of nuance that a high-class remake of Sliver could get, because I also dug around a little bit and… I found out that in Hollywood Animal, Joe Eszterhaus's memoir-slash-tell-all, apparently in an interview Robert Evans was asked, "What is Sliver about?" And he replied, and I quote, "This movie is all about pussy."

Dave: Oh. Okay

Matt: Oh my God

Mark: So, y'know

Nay: Cute!

Mark: He had a way with words

Michael: Did they ever try to do a Sliver Two?

Mark: Um, no

Brennan: (laughing) What?

Michael: I dunno. More Sliver?

Matt: What a missed opportunity!

Dave: Sliverer?

Mark: ''Sliverer. Slivers!''

Matt: What if that, as a sequel, just full, same cast, they're back…

Mark: (amused) Full sequel

Michael: Carly…

Matt: Carly and Zeke. We have to decide...

Michael: Did he do time?

Matt: Was he the killer?

Mark: And is Tom Berenger back as Jack… restraining order, I don't know what his last name is

Matt: Did Jack die?

Dave: Yes

Michael: Yeah, he dies

Dave: Yes, Jack dies. But I think the identity of the killer's kind of not resolved at the end, right?

Michael: Well, don't they show him turn around when they...

Nay: Yeah, yeah

Mark: In the final cut it is revealed to be Tom Berenger and no, y'know

Dave: At least for one of them

Michael: At least for Naomi? Is that her name? At least for her murder they get him

Dave: Yeah. Okay

Michael: We could have him survive

Matt: He can find a way back

Michael: Yeah

Dave: Yeah, yeah

Mark: I still can't believe we've discussed this entire movie, and yet we still haven't touched on the thing, the moment in the movie that really was sort of the hype, the ultimate hype of the movie that made people want to see it in the first place, or y'know, a lot of people, is the bathtub masturbation sequence

Matt: Oh yeah

Dave: Oh I forgot all about that

Brennan: Is that what that was?

Nay: I thought and was thinking about it the whole time

Michael: That was very confusing

Mark: (fey voice) "I thought she was itchy. What?"

Brennan: She was in pain!

Nay: No…

Michael: Yeah, she was like trying to grab the walls…

Nay: I mean, it be like that sometimes. You know, earlier when you were talking about her orgasm sounds? I actually think those are the least unrealistic thing in the movie. I'm like yeah, I'm not saying it's like, I mean, there's a lot of diversity amongst humans. Maybe that is someone's orgasm…

Michael: True. Orgasm diversity?

Nay: But, I yeah. I'm just, the tub scene?

Mark: I felt like Sharon Stone was trying to sell this idea that y'know, she's working through something with this orgasm and I appreciated it

Dave: And it exhausts her…

Nay: Exactly

Dave: So that she basically falls asleep in the bathtub

Nay: Yes

Dave: Like you see her kind of go, and fall asleep, which is not at all safe

Mark: I wish that they had faded to black…

Dave: Yeah

Mark: And then cut to her, the phone ringing, her being like, "Oh! Bl-bl-bl-bl! Oh shit! I'm freezing!"

Matt: Screaming…

Dave: No hot water. It's very strange

Michael: You know, it's a very enclosed shower, too. I feel like she could suffocate in there

Nay: That little round…? I like tubs, myself

Mark: I like tubs as well

Nay: That little round tub

Mark: Oh, man

Nay: It did seem like she was working through something

Michael: It did!

Nay: Something's going on. I, yeah. She's in there alone...

Michael: Well, she's crying the first time they have sex, too

Dave: Something's going on

Matt: Were we meant to believe she had lost a child before…?

Mark: No, I got a breakup

Matt: I got a breakup…

Mark: When Judy initially harangues her about, (as Judy) "We're going to the opera! We're going to the opera! Opera! Opera! Pavarotti!"

Matt: Yeah. I hate Pavarotti

Mark: There's a moment that I, where she, you know, she hates looking in the mirror, but in one of the early mirror moments when she turns to the side and runs her stomach kind of… sadly?

Dave: Oh yeah

Michael: She does

Matt: I thought, "Is that telegraphing something?"

Michael: I kept rewinding that too, because she turns and looks and like, is almost shocked to see herself, but it's like a second too late…

Matt: Yeah

Michael: So I kept rewinding that moment, 'cause I was like, "What is she jumping at? Maybe it was her belly?"

Matt: And she doesn't want to go to the gym because of mirrors. "What are you, you're the most beautiful woman in the world."

Nay: She's got the most beautiful body…

Michael: Yeah

Nay: You know what? That is a lesson. Even the people who are maybe the most quote-unquote "beautiful people", they got issues with their bodies

Matt: I guess that's the message of Sliver

Dave: Yeah. Love yourself

Nay: Yeah. It can happen to anyone

Michael: And that's why it's queer

Mark: Love yourself

Dave: We did it

Mark: We did it. We solved Sliver, everyone!

Michael: Also, C.C.H. Pounder, lesbian, right?

Dave: C.C.H...

Mark: It's like there's three times she shows up and it's like, (as C.C.H. Pounder) "Hi, Sharon. Back again. So, uh, what was it this time?"

Dave: I can't believe I had a chance to say "C.C.H. Pounder" and never took it

Matt: C.C.H. Pounder…

Nay: Ugh, I just love that name

Michael: So great

Dave: What were you gonna say?

Matt: Just that I miss her. And I want more of her. I mean, what else is there to say? She deserves a Pride float

Mark: She's- you know what?

Michael: She's a lesbian in this movie

Mark: She does. Because she's the only one walking around the movie going like…

Michael: "What the fuck is wrong with all of you?"

Mark: (as C.C.H. Pounder) "Yeah. Okay…"

Michael: Including the cops, too! They're all dicks as well

Mark: The cops are horrible

Michael: And she's like, "Put the key in the door."

Matt: Why was Berenger so close with the cops? He was like, "You guys all know me. This is my circle of friends."

Michael: Right?

Dave: I figure he does ride-alongs for like, y'know, research for his shitty books

Michael: Oh, right,

Matt: True crime

Brennan: He wrote Dead Calm. The cover of the book is the poster for Dead Calm

Mark: I know. Little Philip Noyce Easter egg there, huh?

Michael: That's a good movie

Mark: That's a good movie. If you wanna see Nicole Kidman get her hair washed with blood, rent Dead Calm

Dave: Interesting

Matt: Oooh

Mark: Available on iTunes and other platforms!

Michael: And Billy Zane

Mark: And Billy Zane, yeah. Billy Zane at his…

Michael: Peak

Mark: Billy Zane-iest

Michael: Yeah

Dave: Wow

Mark: Yeah. It's a good one. And Sam Neil

Michael: Brian and I are re-watching Twin Peaks and (Billy Zane) walked in and both of us completely forgot he was in that. He's dreamy

Mark: In season two?

Michael: Yeah

Mark: You guys…

Dave: We've Sliver-ed

Mark: We've Sliver-ed. Up and down that elevator

Michael: The elevator's the nicest part of the building. I'll tell you that

Dave: Oh, I do love that when it goes past floors, it goes, "Whoosh! Whoosh!" It was a nice touch

Nay: Right? And how fast is this thing going?

Michael: And also, what's it like, why?

Dave: Why? What does it mean?

Mark: Oh, man. You know, as problematic and crazy as this movie is, I am sort of weirdly grateful to its existence because it sounds like it was formative for everyone!

Michael: Of course!

Matt: Sure!

Mark: It really was that friend at Blockbuster sitting on the shelf winking at you, going like, "I see you, queen. Come find me."

Brennan: And also, was on the TV in Sharon Stone's apartment, I believe there was an interview with Christine Baranski playing, right?

Dave: Oh, wow

Nay: Oh I did not notice that

Brennan: That's why this movie is queer

Matt: There you go. There it is.

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