Episode 10: "Becky With the Good Hair"

''This week, the queers go old school and discuss Alfred Hitchcock’s REBECCA! In this episode, things get EXTREMELY NSFW, like to the point that we probably shouldn’t even mention any specific talking points. Just… get your body ready. Plus, in Tea Time we sip on the Cronenberg marathon at Beyond Fest, BIG MOUTH, the HALLOWEEN franchise, and THE RAGE: CARRIE 2. ''

Trivia
Trivia: Recorded inside of Rebecca's laundry drawer while eating cookies

Michael: I'm getting caramel all over her dirty panties

Nay: Is that what that is?

Mark: I'm feeling sapphic tonight, Nay!

Mark does a self-admitted terrible Hitchcock impression

Topics brought up during the episode: New York Times profile of Maya Rudolph, Katt Shea, Jason London, Mena Suvari, Emily Bergl, Poison Ivy, Rachel Blanchard, Amy Irving, Vivian Leigh, Joan Fontaine, Hitchcock being a monster (trigger warning), Tippi Hedren and Hitchcock (TW: sexual assault), handwriting analysis used for Rebecca, Bette Midler being cancelled circa october/November 2018, personals Instagram account

Tea Time
Mark: tripleheader of David Cronenberg's early work: Shivers (a.k.a. They Came From Within), Rabid, and Scanners at Beyond Fest which Mark could not stay for; Crash (1996), Spider

Michael: also saw the same tripleheader; inspired by Brennan's Children of the Corn marathon, a Halloween marathon of 1, 2, 4, 5 and 6 (3 was skipped because Brian, Michael's boyfriend has never seen it and wants to watch it with him)

Nay: binging Big Mouth (seasons 1 and 2)

Nay: Maya Rudolph is everything. Like I've been fucking losing it, like, screaming by myself in my room. Well, that's not unusual.

Brennan: The Rage: Carrie 2

Brennan: I'm gonna pull a Nay and talk about something that's totally off-track. No, you're like, "I've been watching slime videos," and that's your Tea Time thing and I love it. But i am keeping a close eye on this parody Twitter beef between Macaulay Culkin and Devin Sawa.

Shady Summaries
Nay: Before we get to the squirting of Mrs. Danvers, I'd like to hear your shady summaries of Rebecca

Mark: The Real Houswives of Manderley. Because, Rebecca, Becky. I'm only going to call her "Becky" from now on

Michael: Bex

Mark: Becky is like, truly the original messy bitch who lives for drama

Nay: Absolutely

Mark: She is unbelievable! She is a trash ho! Like, every story you hear about it, you're like, "She what? She did what?"

Michael: It's just like her, turning to camera, like covered in just guck, and like dead and bloated, and she's like (southern accent), "I may be dead but I'm still beautiful."

Mark: That's her tagline

Michael: And it just says, "Becky"

Mark: I know. Mrs. Danvers would have a tagline, too, and hers would be, she'd be like, "I'm part maid, part Cenobite, and allll dyke." We'll talk about the shared universe of Rebecca and Hellraiser, but please, continue

Michael (he came up with two) Rebecca: Because The Second Mrs. de Winter doesn't have the same ring. Or Rebecca: The 2018 feel-good movie for incels everywhere.

Nay: What a fucking mess. That's all I've got. What a fucking mess

Mark: Some messy people

Brennan's Game
Brennan: I do apologize, it's not directly related to Rebecca

Michael: How about Becky?

Brennan: Sure, if someone named Becky wants to enjoy it, that's fine

Michael: Is there a famous Becky?

Nay: Besides the one Beyonce references? Because that one's famous

Michael: Is there a true famous Becky?

Nay: "Oh my god, Becky. Look at her butt." Also a famous Becky

Mark: I have a thirty...

Michael: You have a thirty what? That you're Becky with the good hair?

Mark: (fey voice) "It's true, it's me!" No, I have it on good authority who the real Becky with the good hair is. For libel purposes...

Michael: Tell us off-air, please

Mark: I dunno. Who knows?

Brennan: Okay, so what I have in my hands is a piece of history. It is a book called The Gay Man-ual, and "man" is underlined in red.

Michael: Look at that guy (on the cover)

Nay: Look at the dick print

Mark: Is he wearing an adult diaper?

Michael: No, you can see his penis

Brennan: Let's try and describe this cover really quick. What is the man on the cover, who is making the long arms stretched up?

Mark: He's dressed like Ellen

Nay: I was gonna, oh my God! He's like some era of fashionable lesbian

Brennan: Let's carbon date this. When do you think this book came out?

Nay: I think that's like 2001

Michael: Is that a Swatch watch?

Mark: No, sweetie. To carbon date myself, I worked at a Waldenbooks in high school and I remember being terrified of this book on the shelf and terrified that I would be seen near this book

Nay: So, 1981?

Mark: (mock anger) How dare you!

(Everyone laughs)

Mark: Uh, mid-90s, this was like '94, '95

Michael: I was gonna say '93

Brennan: It came out in 1994

Mark: Yeah, see

Brennan: It's full of the weirdest shit you'll ever read about. Because this is like, gay culture was just starting to become a thing, like, we were kind of past AIDS, we were like okay, like hedgehogs peeping out the hole

Mark: Well, protease inhibitors came out in '95, so

Nay: Like Truvada's around, so…

Mark: Protease inhibitors came out in '95 so that's when AIDS became adjacent to something that could be managed for those fortunate enough to make it to that year, so we were sort of on the cusp of that.

Brennan: Yeah, so, But this is like that time period is happening. Included on the cover are articles like, "Sixteen CDs Every Gay Man Should Own".

Michael: Oh god, they're all Streisand

Brennan: Or "Pork is a Verb: A Gay Lexicon".

Michael: Wow, gay slang in the '90s. It's "Pork".

Brennan: It's shocking. But anyway...

Nay: "Porkin'"

Michael: "Did you pork?"

Brennan: The first chapter is about coming out...

Mark: (groan of dismay)

Brennan: And there is a quiz. It's, "Is The Inevitable About to Happen? Are You Gay Enough to Come Out?'

Michael: I like can't stop looking at this guy's dick print

Nay: Oh my god, yeah

Michael: It's staring me in the face!

Nay: No one ever talks about the khaki pants dick print. Sweatpants get all the credit, but the khaki pant dick print

Michael: Because they're sweatpant adjacent

Nay: You know who else has a khaki pant dick print? Snoop Dogg. Okay, done.

Mark: We're going to need to have a picture of this book when the pod comes out

Brennan: Oh absolutely

Mark: But you know what I'm getting from this outfit is, actually I take it back, it's not Ellen. It's back when I worked at a Blockbuster

Michael: It's Marcy D'arcy, right?

Nay: Yeah, it is

Michael: Look at him flexing. I'm sorry, what were you gonna say, Mark?

Mark: No, it's just a Blockbuster Video employee outfit

Michael: Oh my God it totally is

Mark: The blue and khaki

Michael: It's kind of nice though in a way, because you know that today that cover would be so jacked up and totally body...

Brennan: Oh for sure

Michael: Like body-shaming

Nay: True

Brennan: But yeah, there's basically a Cosmo quiz about how gay you are

Mark: Mmm-kay

Michael: Oh my God, ask me

Brennan: "If you score thirty points or less don't try to redecorate your place without first consulting a professional."

Michael: A professional gay?

Brennan: I guess. "Between thirty and ninety points: you may be surprised at how naturally you can quote Bette Davis at appropriate times."

Michael: How many questions are there in this quiz?

Brennan: There's like ten. It's just, the way that the, like, people tried to be gay in the Nineties and what they thought the culture was and what it meant to them, it's so bizarre. It's a time capsule

Question 1: True or false: Mousse is an essential part of your grooming routine.

Michael: I'm gonna say yeah, because it was for me back then

Mark: I never used mousse

Nay: No

Michael: I used my sister's all the time

Mark: I had low self-esteem and didn't actually realize that I could actually do something with my hair until college

Michael: Yeah I would say probably not '94, I should say no then. In '94 I definitely wasn't

Mark: Are we grading these in the Nineties

Brennan: Let's do it now

Michael: Can it be any time of our lives?

Brennan: Let's do it now

Michael: Oh, do I use mousse now? Oh, no

Nay: No, I'm black, so I've never used it

Michael: I like to *eat* mousse

Question 2: True or false: Your girlfriends dance better than you do

Nay: Absolutely not

Michael: No

Nay: They wish

Michael: I know a lot of white girls

Mark: Yeah. They do. Yeah, definitely

Michael: Papa! You're a good dancer

Brennan: The true answer should be false. "If so, give Arthur Murray a call. Some people think you can tell how good a guy is in the bedroom by the way he moves on the dance floor."

Michael: Wait. You're not supposed to be a better dancer than your girlfriends?

Brennan: I don't know, I'm so confused

Michael: Why is "manual", like,

Nay: The man in manual

Michael: They could've just spelled manual straight up

Brennan: But it's highlighting "man"

Nay: But they're like, "gay man"

Mark: I feel like this, The Unofficial Gay Man-ual really was trying to capitalize on the sort of leprechaun-ization of gay men that was, we were like, "Oh finally, an in! We're not here to like, you know, spread disease all over your house, we can be your pets, too."

Michael: Yeah, we haven't gotten to the like, Will Truman has a job at a law firm gays yet

Mark: No

Brennan: Almost

Michael: We got the Doug on Melrose Place, wear short-shorts gays

Question 5 (Brennan's skipping): True or false? Madonna is a religious figure

Nay: That's true

Michael: True

Brennan: I'm so confused by this one, because Madonna literally, like the lady Madonna. Okay, well the true answer is false, I guess? "No blasphemy intended if you missed this one. You're not only hopelessly straight, but you've been living under a rock for the past ten years."

Michael: I don't get it

Mark: I mean, she's kind of a, I mean...

Nay: Kabbalah?

Brennan: Madonna is the virgin, right? Like, so...

Mark: The Madonna, yes

Nay: Ohhhh. So we're not talking about...

Michael: It's a gay manual and we're talking about Madonna Madonna, right?

Brennan: Yeah, this is really confusing

Mark: They definitely mean the music Madonna. But, anybody who saw the Grammys this past year and she came out dressed like [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mola_Ram#:~:text=Mola%20Ram.%20Mola%20Ram%20or%20Maula%20Ram%20%28,about%20him%20was%20done%20by%20Barrister%20Mukandi%20Lal. Mola Ram] from Temple of Doom kind of?

Nay: Dressed like Erykah Badu?

Mark: That's so mean to Erykah Badu!

Michael: But like, in '94, (Madonna) was in her calypso phase, right?

Brennan: Yeah, wasn't that almost Music era?

Michael: She was like, awesome then. She was doing...

Mark: That was post-Erotica, so she'd stopped doing that like, nympho-nanny look with the berets

Michael: I think she was kind of edging towards her like kabuki phase. Right?

Mark: She was about to put on kimonos for "Nothing Really Matters" a few years later

Michael: You know what this was I think at the time was the Reality Bites soundtrack which was a fucking rockin' song

Brennan: Yeah, that soundtrack was number one...

Michael: In '94, right?

Brennan: On August 6th, which is the day I was born

Mark: Wait, Madonna had a song on the Reality Bites soundtrack?

Michael: Was it Reality Bites or...

Mark: ''[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beautiful_Stranger#:~:text=The%20song%27s%20music%20video%2C%20directed%20by%20Brett%20Ratner%2C,for%20Best%20Video%20from%20a%20Film%20in%201999. Austin Powers]''

Michael: That, too. What's the movie with Brendan Fraser?

Brennan: The Mummy

Mark: Oh! With Honors! And the song "Rain," right? No, "I'll Remember". "I'll Remember". Yes.

(Michael sings a bit of "I'll Remember")

Question: True or false: When buying greeting cards, you linger over the ones with half-naked men

Nay: False

Michael: I mean, I wanna say I do that, but I feel, I'm a Nineties...

Nay: I don't linger over greeting cards period

Mark: I think you're kind of hard up for porn if you're at fucking Hallmark going like, (groans orgasmically)

Michael: I'll look at them, but like '94 gays, that's all they got, right?

Mark: I guess

Michael: Like, pre-internet porn. But is that false too, because I feel like...

Brennan: Who knows?

Michael: Is this like staying in the closet? Is that what this manual is doing?

Brennan: No! That's not what it's supposed to be doing

Question 12 (still skipping around, some of them are boring): True or false: Marky Mark is best known for his singing ability

Mark: No, you know what he's best known for back in '94? A hate crime. Next question

Michael: Attempted murder?

Nay: (hissing exhale) Yeah

Brennan: Okay, I'm sorry. Sorry for bringing that up

Mark: (mock angrily) What, what, too soon?!?!

Brennan: No, it's not

Mark: Nay?

Nay: No, I'm like, yes, talk about that

Brennan: No, of course it's important. He's not a nice person. But I just think it's funny that he was Marky Mark back in the day and I totally forgot about that

 

Mark: Recently he was like,  '"Boogie Nights is the movie I'm most embarrassed of." And I'm like...

 

Michael: Right, because of his religion

Nay: That's what you're most embarrassed of?

Michael: Well, that's the thing. I can't stand him because he says he'll never play a gay character because he's Catholic. And he denounces his participation in Boogie Nights 'cause of his Catholicism, but he doesn't mind being in a movie where he kills like five hundred people

Mark: Wow, what a loss for the community

Michael: Right. Like, fuck off

Brennan: All right, this game's over

Mark: Let's smack the book right out of Brennan's hand

Michael: Go grab that Calvin Klein underwear and shove it up your ass

Brennan: Do you wanna know some of the "sixteen CDs"?

(Everyone says yes.)

Patsy Cline's Twelve Greatest Hits

Judy Garland at Carnegie Hall

Madonna - The Immaculate Collection

Liza with a Z

Bette Midler - The Divine Miss M

Brennan: This is all greatest hits. This reminds me of the scene from the end of Ladybird where he's like, "All your CDs are greatest hits. Pick one." And she's like, "They're the greatest."

Nay: It's an Immaculate collection

Michael: I like, can't get over the guy on the cover (of the book)

Brennan: He's so great

Michael: He's like Matthew Perry meets Marcy D'arcy

Nay: Wow. What are the other albums?

Brennan: Pet Shop Boys - Greatest Hits

Barbra Streisand - Just For the Record

Michael: What are some of the other chapters in there about?

Brennan: Let's see. Hold on.

Michael: "What to order on your Blimpie sub"

Mark: If only Mrs. Danvers had had...

Nay: Right?

Brennan: Oooh, oooh, "Reading Between the Lines: The Personal Ads".

Brennan: (The chapter) has a glossary of really old terms. Like, "professional" means, "has a job." (whispers) I don't think that's what that means. "GM" means "gay male". "Versatile," this is rude, means "is a bottom."

Nay: Wooooow. You know what though? There's like a lot of memes about versatiles actually just being bottoms, and they're hilarious and I am not personally offended by them at all. Just kidding. I am

Michael: What's that one meme? "You're a bottom who can't host."

Nay: (as Tai from Clueless) "You're a bottom who can't host."?

Mark: Why does everyone want to be mad at bottoms?

Michael: i don't know. Bottom-shaming is very prevalent in the gay community

Nay: People are absurd

Mark: What would people do if there were no bottoms?

Michael: It's very prevalent in the gay community, especially in Los Angeles

Mark: Brennan, sorry, continue

Brennan: No, the book's over, it's canceled, it's over, whatever who cares

Brennan: If we're talking about the weird homo-misogyny of like, judging bottoms for any reason for being bottoms or for thinking that tops are more important or valuable is a waste of everybody's time

Michael: It is. There's like a weird masculinity factor that people bring up between the two and it's just like I dunno, it doesn't correlate

Brennan: Yeah, first of all the receptive partner does not mean you're a woman, because the woman is not always the receptive partner. And being the woman does not mean you're inferior. Meet any woman.

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Some women have dicks!

Mark: It means you're the seat of all life

Nay: Some women have dicks

Michael: And they wanna put it in things

Nay: Yeah. Also, some women that don't have dicks wanna strap-on a dick and put it in something

Michael: Straight men like to get pegged.

Brennan: Literally, it just makes me so mad

Michael: Mark is just moving his head back and forth

Mark: I'm just loving, I'm just loving the frankness. And all out of Rebecca. We all started talking about Becky and now we're on to bottoms. We're on to pegging

Michael: Becky Two, if she just put on a nice peg, and gave Maxim one, their relationship would have worked out from the very beginning

Mark: I said this to you. I said this to you. Maxim needs..

Michael: He was an eager bottom

Mark: Maxim needs a good pegging. He's a little shit

Michael: And she needed to have some dom-ness in her life. Like on her own terms

Nay: I forgot that i thought about that while I was watching. I was like, "I would watch them have sex, for sure. Laurence Olivier and Joan Fontaine? Absolutely. I'll watch them fuck. Hell yeah."

Michael: If she put on a big fucking piece and just went to town on him

Nay: Yeah

Michael: That would get me through the night

Nay: Her and Mrs. Danvers. I wish they could

Mark: What do you think Mrs. Danvers was into? God, I can only imagine

Michael: Scat

Nay: Nooo, she was into scat

Michael: Good for her!

Nay: And I think, I think...

Michael: Totally into piss play

Nay: Oh, duh. Rebecca was pissing all over Mrs. Danvers

Michael: Oh yeah. That like, "I watched her undress and get in the tub"? Pissing on her

Nay: Yeah. "And then she peed on me."

Brennan: Who pees in the tub?

Mark: I hope no one ever plans to run for office that's in this room

Michael: Oh, we would be elected

Nay: Okay, one, lots of people pee in the tub, Brennan. I think that's...

Brennan: But when there's a bath? That's just gonna mix in with all your other stuff

Nay: But if you're into pee, you don't really care

Michael: You're into piss play it doesn't matter. you take a shower

Brennan: Well if you're into piss play wouldn't you want it on you and not like, diluted?

Nay: You're actually like, "I want it diluted and soaking in every pore of my body."

Brennan: Fair enough

Michael: I was just gonna say something awful

Nay: Oooh, what was it?

Michael: Just have Mrs. Danvers go in there daily to the point where it's filled and that's when like, Rebecca's soaking in it. She's like, "I'm gonna take a piss bath."

Nay: She's like, "Fill the tub for me!"

Mark: Attack of the Queerwolf!, we've got the best Hitchcock analysis!

Michael: (as Rebecca)"I put 38 gallons of water by your bed, Mrs. Danvers."

Brennan: I have been such a vocal proponent of the vulgarity on this podcast

Nay: It's true

Brennan: And I think I'm switching sides on this one

Michael: You got me going, i can't stop now

Pride Float
Nay: I wrote that it did, but that is only if we can get whoever does the Macy's Parade blowup. I would like to see a huge blowup Mrs. Danvers, you know, floating through the sky, with just a hand that kind of moves up and down behind it like a sheath of lingerie. "See right through it. See right through it." Or a Mrs. Danvers play party.

Mark: A Mrs. Danvers play party. You show up and it's like, "Smiling is forbidden here."

Michael: I could see Mrs. Danvers doing that, like having her friends over and they all have to act like her.

Nay: Yeah. Like boot-blacking, there's all kinds of stuff happening

Michael: And she's judging them on their Mrs. Danvers-ness

Nay: Hell yeah

Brennan: Wouldn't you love to go to a club called Manderley though?

(Everyone agrees)

Michael: I want a Real Housewives of Manderley. We didn't discuss that more. Shared universe

Mark: There's, I mean, there's such a, there's, did you say Rebecca is such a Kyle Richards?

(Everyone cracks up)

Michael: Yes. She's such a Kyle Richards, right?

Mark: And I feel like...

Michael: Even at the bottom of a boat

Mark: My sister watches the New York one and I feel like the second Mrs. Danvers is the one that said like, "I made it nice!"

Michael: She's Camille Grammer?

Mark: Is that it?

Mark and Michael: No, she's Beverly Hills

Brennan: I think it's time to wrap up

Nay: Wrap up what?

Brennan: I was gonna say about Rebecca...

Mark: We haven't gotten to the flogging yet

Brennan: I watched it for the first time to prep for this podcast and to get clips. ...I do think this is the sequel to every Jane Austen novel, though. If she had continued past the wedding in any of her books, it would just be this.

Michael: Now that you mention this, what is Becky Two's future?

Brennan: Pegging. Didn't we talk about this?

Mark: I hope so

Michael: Maxim or somebody else?

Nay: As many people as she wants, but hopefully at least Maxim

Michael: Becky with the good peg?

Quotes
Mark: Nay shoots a look that would like kill a cat. Like it would just literally stun a

Michael: It cracked the TV behind Mark

Mark: My hair turned white

Michael: Like Heather Langenkamp

Mark: Yes, part 3 Heather

Mark: Shivers is like, "What if zombies, but rape?" It is the most unsettling and so kind of, it's such a comment on the sexual revolution of the seventies and sort of the, kind of sexual revolution reaching Canada in some form. It's deeply unsettling in ways that you're like, "Well, this movie would never get made again."

Michael: Shivers is really cool because it all takes place in an apartment building. So there's like, it's really interesting to watch something like that because there's no escape.

Mark: You know what I did like about Shivers, too, is that it's basically a zombie outbreak but as a sexually transmitted disease. But like all of these zombies who are horny, the straight ones? Are all like really aggro, but then there's a segment where there's three gay male zombies and they're actually just like, (fey voice) "Hey Mary, where do you wanna…?"

Michael: They speak?

Mark: They speak, and they just knock on the guy's door and they're like, (fey voice) "Hey Mary, you wanna go to a party?" I think that's the line

Michael: I think when we see them they're talking about how they just went shopping or something.

Mark: Yeah! They were just like...

Nay: Gay!

Mark: They were just like; I don't know if that's Cronenberg...

Michael: And they're shirtless. That's the best part

Mark: I don't know if that's Cronenberg literally thinking like, "I think the gay male zombies would be a little more chill," or if he's just like, "These are just gay men in the Seventies." I don't know, I don't know.

Michael: That's the twist, it just turns out they're gay guys

Brennan: That's probably smarter (to skip Halloween III)

Mark: My man (Josh) was in (Halloween III). He's at the very beginning dancing around with one of those masks.

Michael: It was crushed when it was released, and it probably took a good thirty years for it have an appreciation, and now it's considered to be one of the better Halloween films

Nay: That's wild

Brennan: Fans with expectations cannot handle themselves

Mark: One of my favorite things about the original Halloween is how loud it is. They really carry that with them through the sequels.

Michael: The atmosphere in Halloween 6 is on point

Brennan: The only thing that that movie has is...

Michael: Paul Rudd

Brennan: Is Paul Rudd's eyes, yeah

Mark: If you ever have Halloween 6 around gay people, immediately they're like, "Paul Rudd. Didja see, Paul Rudd's in it!" They're like, "He wears these jeans, these cute little jeans."

Michael: Their legs immediately go into stirrups

Mark: You know what I'm tired of? I'm tired of people shitting on H:20.

Michael: Same! It's a fabulous movie

Mark: iI you wanna shit on H:20, fuck you. I don't care that it's basically seventy minutes long

Brennan: That's the best thing about it

Mark: It doesn't matter, it's perfect. That shit moves like crazy, it's got fucking Michelle Williams, looking so cute

Michael: Josh Hartnett's hair

Mark: Josh Hartnett cutting his own hair before every take

Michael: Yeah, with child safety scissors

Mark: It's got that great moment, like that door grate moment. And Laurie seeing; Kerri Tate, headmistress of the very exclusive private school

Michael: When someone says to me, "It's like a Scream, it's got a Scream flavor to it," I'm like, "And? That's amazing. It was 1998."

Mark: You know why? Because Kevin Williamson brought you horror back in the Nineties and you owe it all to him, thanks, so, respect.

Brennan: A guy gets his dick blown off with a harpoon gun (in The Rage: Carrie 2)

Michael: Zachery Ty Bryan does

Brennan: No, it's the other guy, I think

Michael: You have the wrong actor assigned to the wrong person

Brennan: Okay, i never watched (Home Improvement)

Michael: Trust me, I know who Zachery Ty Bryan is

Nay: (as Michael) "I know whose dick got blown off, okay?"

Mark: (as Michael) "Don't tell me whose, don't talk to me about whose dick..."

Michael: Don't tell me who Zachery Ty Bryan is

Mark: I love that two seconds ago we were worried about like, "Should we spoil The Rage: Carrie 2?" Like you know there's some incel on Twitter going like, (nerdy voice) "Dear @queerwolf_pod, I am offended (angry nerdy noises)."

Brennan: Anyway, it's very satisfying

Mark: What about Sue Snell, guidance counselor?

Brennan: Oh, she's not fine

Mark: Poor thing

Michael: (as Sue) "I had a traumatic experience in high school. I'm going to spend my life in one."

Mark: Zachery Ty Bryan, there's a safe word for you

Michael: I, oh my god, that's the best thing I've ever heard. Just like, "It hurts, it hurts." Keeps going. "No! Zachery Ty Bryan!"

Mark: "No! Zachery Ty Bryan!"

Michael: That is a boner killer if I've ever heard one

Narrator in the trailer: The most exciting love story of our time

Michael: Is it?

Mark: It is!

Michael: I don't look at it like a love story at all, though.

Laura in the trailer: How could I ask you to love me when I knew you loved Rebecca so? whenever you touched me, I knew you were comparing me to Rebecca

Michael: Right? That's not a love story

Mark: We've all been there

Nay: I mean, that's every love story, actually

Mrs. Danvers in the trailer: Not only in this room, but in all the rooms of the house, you can almost hear it now.

Michael: Mrs. Danvers was just about to squirt

Nay: Mrs. Danvers was definitely about to squirt

Michael: That was pre-LaCroix days. Like well water

Nay: Yeah, that metallic taste, what is that?

Mark: (audibly shudders)

Michael: Mark just barfed

Mark: I just, have you ever looked down a well?

Michael: Yes

Nay: Have you ever actually drank well water?

Michael: Yeah. I used to play beach volleyball in the summer back in Ohio,  and the bar we played at, they only had well water

Nay: Yeah some of my friends' houses only had well water

Michael: It was like farmland

Nay: And the summer camp I went to every year had well water. And it would like change the color of your hair and all kinds of...

Michael: That whole city I just mentioned was all well-based in like...

Nay: I'm glad Michael's country ass is here

Mark: I dunno. City mouse over here

Michael: I grew up in Cleveland, but the rural...

Mark: Well part

Michael: Like twenty years ago you could literally go downtown Cleveland, suburb, suburb, farm

Nay: Yeah. The midwest is still like that

Michael: It's branching further out, like where that was then is now a suburb, but yeah

Nay: Yeah. There's a cornfield next to somewhere

Michael: Yeah, you can spit on one

Nay: Women we love and how they never leave

Nay: And Laurence Olivier is daddy. Crazy daddy, but he's daddy

Mark: He gives good mustache

Nay: He gives great mustache rides

Michael: I'd take a ride

Nay: (Hitchcock was) a gaslighting piece of shit. Jesus fucking christ

Michael: But we just call them just auteur filmmakers, right? I mean, there's so many filmmakers now that are (mockingly) "He is just a brilliant craftsman." It's like, he's an asshole

Nay: Wow, Markapedia with the info

Michael: Mark Jeeves?

Mark: I love that you compared me to a broke down...

Nay: Like the worst search engine

Mark: Literally the worst search engine. I'll remember that

Michael: Mark Bing?

Michael: I love when movies have fake search engines. In the Nightmare on Elm Street remake, is Gigablast. Like, what? And it says, instead of search, it says, "Blast off!" Every time I see a screengrab of it, I die

Mark: Gigablast?

Michael: Yeah. Gigablast is the name of their search engine

Mark: Well that remake made me gigablast out of the theater

Michael: I also just love Rooney Mara, talking about how like she didn't want to do that movie, but she was just too good in her audition and she got the part. Then, she waited another seven years to eat a piece of pie

Mark: That movie's brilliant. A Ghost Story? Oh my God, it's brilliant. She's so good in it. You know, a lot of people don't want to watch it because of a certain actor in it, but he's wearing a sheet the whole time and the filmmaking is so good...

Nay: As the worst people do. White sheets

Michael: What if like, behind the scenes of that movie, they're all giggling as they give it to Casey Affleck? Like, "He has no idea what we're saying!"

Mark: (faux cheerfully) "Here's your wardrobe!"

Michael: (as a crew member) "Here's your white sheet, Casey!"

Nay: When I was young I remember-- what's the first woman's name, Mrs. Havenport? Super cantankerous and  annoying and grumpy?

Michael: Yeah

Nay: When I first watched (Rebecca) as a child I was like...

Michael: Who needs chocolate to take her medicine?

Nay: She's like, "Ehhh! (as Mrs. Havenport), Gimme the chocolate, fast!"

Mark: She's the worst

Nay: When I was a kid, I was like, "This bitch is so annoying. I hate her." And then as an adult, I'm like, y'know...

Michael: She knows what she wants

Nay: Admiration is all I felt

Michael: Bitch knew herself

Nay: I'm like, "You know what? Get you an assistant. And you wanna canoodle with the celebrities that are staying in Monte Carlo when you are? I feel that."

Michael: Strong female

Nay: Strong female

Mark: You know how Hitchcock, they're always showing letters or showing handwriting? He stuck to handwriting analysis and so, her handwriting was specific to kind of being impetuous and hard to control, and sexually stimulated

Nay: That is her

Mark: Maxime de Winter's handwriting is meant to be about being reflexive and distant and yeah. I think even Rebecca's handwriting is supposed to be duplicitous.

Nay: So do you see yourselves in any of (the characters from Rebecca?)

Michael: The second Mrs. de Winter

Nay: In what way?

Michael: Obsessive need to please others

Nay: Yeah, there is like a huge co-dependency thing going on with her. with Mrs. Havenport

Michael: With anyone she's really in contact with

Nay: Maxim

Michael: Even Mrs. Danvers

Nay: Mrs. Danvers absolutely

Michael: You know, I work, you know, I actually proudly openly talk about how I go to therapy, do work on my mental health and stuff like that

Mark: (mockingly) Eww

 

Michael: (mockingly) "How dare you?" (normal voice) and um, that need to please others is something I didn't realize, like, I mean knew I was doing it, but it's been nice to go to therapy to discuss it, because it's so crippling. And like watching (Rebecca), it brought back a lot of horrible,  not even like horrible memories, but just like, a lot of moments in my life that I don't want to say embarrassed, but just like, almost feeling like disappointed in myself as I'm watching her go through this and I'm like, "Girl. Like, have some self-respect for yourself." But then you're like, "Oh yeah, i used to do that. And I still do it."

 

Nay: Like, bitch, that's you. doing it right now

Michael: (meekly) Nay, do you like me?

Mark: (Joan Fontaine) is amazing in the movie. She's like, "Oh, did I breathe too loud? Oh, I'm sorry, please..."

Nay: God, that is so relatable

Michael: (as Rebecca) "I'm really sorry I exist. Shall I not exist?" (normal voice) but um, it's devastating to watch, because it's so awful. That's why I said it's not really a love story to me. Because it's really, to me, it's a movie about a woman who is so conditioned to appease others that she won't do anything to make herself appeased. So it's almost like it's an anti-love story in a lot of ways. Because by the end of it I'm like, "Run! Get out of there! These people, all these people are horrible to you!" Like, even his proposal. (as Laurence Olivier) "I'm trying to marry you, you silly fool!"

Nay: This is how I like my tea

(Brennan plays a clip of the proposal scene)

Nay: Talk to me like that, daddy

Mark: The sad part is that like he's in the bathroom when he says that. (as Laurence Olivier) "I'm trying to marry you, you little fool!" And (Joan Fontaine) like, she turns to the camera and sometimes she has like, an almost Amy Sedaris kind of like expressiveness. Like, (Droopy voice) "Oh, he likes me?"

Michael: Jerri Blank?

Michael: She doesn't even get a fucking ring there

Nay: Good point, okay? She sure don't

Mark: No, Max is a fuckboi. Maxim is a total fuckboi.

Michael: Oh yeah, she got him a ring when they got home

Mark: The character I identified with most was-- because all the characters are in some way shape or form unsavoury, so in some way, except for Mr. Crawley, who, like him, I am enjoying my mental health upkeep and I do not want to go to the asylum.

Michael: He's working on himself

Mark: And I, you know, he just wants to hang out in that cute little beach house and leave him alone

Michael: Yeah, play with boats

Mark: He's not a snitch

Nay: Let's provide housing for folks that need it, some mental health support, let's check in

Mark: He was very sweet

Michael: He was the only one who isn't up to some shit

Mark: He's harmless

Nay: He was totally harmless. He needs a case manager. That's about it. Help to access stuff.

Mark: So I was just like, Mr. Crowley, I know, you're a sweet old man, y'know, you don't want to hurt anyone.

Mark: And then, I mean, look, Mrs. Danvers owns this fucking movie

Nay: Baddest bitch

Mark: She walks, she has Pinhead's wardrobe

Nay: She does. She does have Pinhead's wardrobe

Mark: With the long-ass sleeves

Michael: She walks like him, too

Mark: And the flare with the gown

Michael: With the hand movement

Mark: Basically. And she has the same kind of countenance

Michael: She has pins coming out of her face

Mark: She has pins coming out of her face. Um, she is fully like a Cenobite origin story

Michael: She is. That would be a really amazing origin. Rebecca is the origin story of Hellraiser?

Nay: Wow.

Mark: I love it

Nay: I love that

Michael: (deep voice) Get on it, Clive (Barker).

Nay: I actually saw myself a little bit in many of the characters, and not just Rebecca, I mean the second Mrs. de Winter's codependent behavior

Michael: isn't it fucked up that she has no name?

Nay: I know

Michael: Such a statement, though

Mark: Well, in the novel, she has a name. It is mentioned only once. It is at the party when she is introduced as Caroline. Caroline de Winter.

Michael: It's very effective

Mark: But in the film she has no...

Michael: I actually really dig the choice, the creative choice not to give her a name in the movie because it plays along with the rest of the movie

Mark: Yeah, 'cause she's a fucking cipher, a blank

Michael: No one sees her as anybody. They see her as a blank that filled in another blank

Nay: That desire to be rescued when you're in a shitty situation and just jumping at anything is relatable

Mark: (Rebecca's) desperation is hard to watch. It's very, I don't think I appreciated how Joan Fontaine plays that up. The first time I saw it, I remember thinking, "Oh, it's just old movie acting." But it's like, no, it's a specific choice to be incredibly, just this side of grating

Michael: She straddles the line of, "I wanna jump into the TV and rip her hair out," and like, "Oh my god, I feel for this woman in every single way." Because it's a great performance. I had that same kind of thought, because I hadn't seen it since high school either, and the first thirty minutes I'm like, "Oh my god this 1940s acting is killing me." But then you start seeing more and more of it play out and Hitchcock's scope coming into play and every second is calculated by him, including the performances. It's a really brilliant movie. I would love to go back and watch it at the time, because that trailer makes me think like maybe it was a love story to people and they're like, "She's in a great place!"

Nay: Oh I think it was

Michael: "She's so rich she doesn't have to do anything. She gets her own bedroom."

Nay: Yeah, like she was working, her husband took her out of that, away to her like, mansion, and all she has to do is...

Michael: Show up

Nay: Show up. But that twist where, God, it's just wild because it's like the whole time she's thinking, "I ain't shit, I'll never be Rebecca." Like, "Shit, this bitch writes postcards in the morning. I don't have anybody to write." (as Mrs. Danvers) "The first Mrs. de Winter used to do her correspondence in the morning." I don't give a fuck what she used to do in the morning

Michael: She had an address book and she kept on looking at it, and I was like, "She's sad she doesn't have an address book."

Mark: I was like, "Is she gonna write them a postcard?"

Michael: I'm like, "Girl, we can get you some addresses"

Nay: And all of that happens...

Michael: Write yourself one

Nay: All of that comparison and jealousy, and the despair and the like, gut-wrenching everything that comes from that and then (Maxim) is like, "I fucking hated that bitch."

Michael: Yeah, it's so great

Nay: and you're like, "What? You, you're not like, endlessly worshipping--" and it's just wild because I think all of us, I don't know, a lot of us, have been in a relationship where the ex lingers somehow and for some people like Rebecca, it's just everywhere. You're like, "This is her towel, with the 'R' on it. Okay. Got it. That's how this is going. Okay."

 

Michael: Like she still has a bedroom in the home

Nay: Yeah. Meticulously curated

Michael: And huge

Mark: And preserved

Nay: And gorgeous. My god.

Michael: Mrs. Danvers still goes in there everyday

Mark: (as Mrs. Danvers) "This was her fur. Feel it."

Michael: What's she doing on that bed?

Mark: (as Mrs. Danvers) "Touch it"

Nay: And all of that, to then arrive at this place where you have built all this stuff about Rebecca up in your head like, "Oh this bitch did this right, this right. I will never be this person, I will never be the kind of head of household that this person was." To then find out your man didn't even like her, he hated her.

Michael: That's the scary thing, right? Because she was...

Mark: Because she was a trash ho

Michael: And it stinks because we're all guilty of it. You build up something or someone in your head and like, literally, one question, like, "Did you like Rebecca?"(Maxim) would have been like, "No, she's the worst. I'm glad she's dead." It would have been like, now it's a love story. But she created; like in a lot of ways, though, I think the Rebecca being the pinnacle of what the second Mrs. de Winter wanted to be in every way, was manufactured by Mrs. Danvers and everyone bought into it, but Maxim

Mark: Mrs. Danvers is like weird creepy stan culture

Nay: Let's talk about Mrs. Danvers

Mark: She's weird creepy stan culture where it's like, you see people, like, if you ever spend time online and you see people going like, "oh my god, yaaas (X) is so amazing!" And you're like, this is fine. It's fine. Everybody fucking relax, you know? But it's just people, I dunno.

Michael: They want to fit in, I guess?

Mark: It's the screaming syndrome?

Michael: Yeah, I'm louder than you

Mark: Yeah, I dunno. I feel everything you were talking about in terms of an example that Becky sets, it's, is when Mrs. Danvers basically takes the second Mrs. de Winter on a tour of Rebecca's bedroom.

Nay: (as Mrs. Danvers) "Would you like to see it?"

Mark: (as Mrs. Danvers) Yeah, "Would you like to see it?" (normal voice) And, but she's...

Michael: (as the second Mrs. de Winter) "Okay".

(Brennan plays a clip from the movie where Mrs. Danvers gives the tour)

Mrs. Danvers: I keep the underwear on this side. They were made especially for her by the nuns at the convent at Saint Claire

Brennan: Those underwear nuns, they're great

Michael: The first thing she shows her is the underwear drawer

Mrs. Danvers: I always used to wait up for her, no matter how late. Sometimes she and Mr. de Winter didn't come home until dawn

Michael: (as Mrs. Danvers) "And I'd wear her underwear on my face."

Mrs. Danvers: While she would undress, she would tell me about the party she'd been to. She knew everyone, and everyone loved her

Mark: Yeah, see this is exactly, the only moment where Mrs. Danvers sounds happy and her favorite memory, period, (as Mrs. Danvers) "I got to watch her undress. Hey, I got to help her get changed and she'd tell me about the party she went to, and here's her slip. Look, you can see my hand." Like it was see-through and (as Mrs. Danvers) "I saw her naked!"

Nay: Mmm-hmmm

Mark: And it's just what's fascinating is that this is all Hitchcock's doing. Because Mrs. Danvers in the novel was a mother figure. She was a toxic mother figure, but she pretty much raised Rebecca. And Hitchcock was like, "No. Mrs. Danvers is gonna be..."

Michael: A scissor sister?

Mark: A spooky scissor sister

Nay: Oh, wow

Michael: (as Mrs. Danvers) "I could see her 1940s pubic hair."

Mark and Nay: Ugh

Michael: (as Mrs. Danvers) "It was delightful."

Nay: What was the style then, do you think? Like what was the most popular...

Michael: Pubic hair style?

Nay: Pubic hair style for people with vaginas in the '40s?

Michael: I think it was probably just like...

Mark: Horn of plenty

Nay: Plenty. Do you think so, though? I mean, I don't know

Michael: It's like the top of a pineapple

Nay: Wow

Mark: Like Bob Ross

Nay: Which is fine

Michael: Sue Snell's hair

Nay: (as Bob Ross) "Happy little trees".That's fine, everyone. Just wondering.

Mark: What do you think it was?

Nay: You know, I'm hoping it has like, some of those finger waves

Mark: Oh, marcel waves? Oooh.

Nay: Yes! Gorge.

Mark: That could be like a chemical burn, I dunno

Nay: I mean, we're dyeing, we're tweezing, we're waxing anyway, y'know

Michael: We're doing all sorts of things. I let it grow sometimes

Nay: Yeah, let it grow

Michael: Play around with it

Mark: I dunno how y'all do it

Nay: What, you don't have pubic hair?

Mark: (fey voice) Nope! Nope. Just bare as a ski slope

Michael: (fey voice) I Nair mine

Nay: Oof

Michael: I did that once

Nay: We all have a Nair story from childhood

Michael: So dumb. It's like, "Oh! This is what a burning dick feels like."

Mark: From henceforth we're just going to call that treatment the Becky. "Gimme the Becky!"

Michael: Don't give yourself the Becks

Nay: Something about Mrs. Danvers. Oh yes, pubes of the '40s

Nay: But Mrs. Danvers like, describing, I can't with Michael, her describing that lingerie made by women

Michael: Sexy women

Nay: Nuns are also hot. so these hot nuns made this underwear, now I'm touching it. I'm beautifully curating this drawer of lingerie that smells like Becky

Michael: It was actually like kind of titillating

Nay: Yeah, I loved it

Michael: You know, like it was; I personally think Becky number two herself was a little bit, I think that some of her reluctance and fear was that she might have been a little bit turned on herself

Nay: Yeah, she was like, "Oh, are we supposed to have this relationship, too? Are you gonna curate my lingerie drawer as well?"

Michael: "Are you gonna see me in this for the rest of your life?"

Nay: "Don't you wish you had a lingerie drawer curator?"

Mark: Do you think the second Mrs. de Winter could have turned things around for herself early on by saying to Mrs. Danvers, "That's great, but she's dead. Now why don't you watch me strip?"

Nay: Yes! Absolutely. She could have been like, "How did you feel about this Rebecca girl?" And her man would have been like, "She was a bitch."

Mark: (as the second Mrs. de Winter) "Get me a fresh pair of chonies and shut the fuck up."

Michael: Seriously, if she just showed some gumption Mrs. Danvers probably would've wanted her

Nay: But that's like, how many times have you, or for me, how many times have I, been scared to have the conversation that needed to happen and have like lived in that fear and created this reality around that, that all of it was unnecessary

Michael: And I just said something that I'm really upset that I said by saying, "All she had to do," and it's like, you know what? Fuck that. She doesn't have to do anything. Mrs. Danvers is a horrible person. Everyone's horrible to her, not just Mrs. Danvers, and it's not Becky number two's fault, you know?

Mark: I have to go back to that question, "Who do you see yourself in?" Because it's interesting, more we talk about it, the more I see myself in Becky

Michael: I see myself as Sarah Chalke

Mark: Because she's never home because she's always off ho'ing. No. She's fucking her cousin, and we'll get to that. But it is amazing how the lesbian subtext of Rebecca is always centered around Mrs. Danvers, because she's like the giant flashing kleig light. She's like the Bat-signal of lesbian themes in this movie. But then the stealth queer representation and the more we discuss it, and certainly when you brought it up, is how the second Mrs. de Winter is so terrified to occupy space. And it really is, I think why she can inspire revulsion I think in certain viewers. Certainly she did in me, at first, because I think that there is something to recognize, at least for myself. Oh God, I hate when I've been that person, who's just so scared

Nay: Meek. Doormat

Mark: (meek voice that adds a bit of vibrato and ends up sounding a bit like Vincent Price) To just make an impression, so scared to say the wrong thing, so scared to ask for something. and I speak like this when I do it and I don't know what this voice is, but it's terrified of...

Michael: It's wonderful, keep doing it

Mark: It's very frightened

Michael: It sounds like you're sitting on a, like, a vibrating motorcycle

Nay: I thought you were going to say the mic again and I was like, "Good lord, Michael, you and sitting on these mics."

Mark: Our mic budget's gone through the roof!'

Nay: Through Michael's ass, okay?

Michael: I said Mark sat on the microphone

Mark: I never did

Nay: I always forget that

Mark: (through clenched teeth) That is a lie!

Michael: What episode is that? Where Mark sits on a microphone?

Nay: Every-- what episode was it not?

Michael: It wasn't The Fan

Mark: But seriously, no, what if that actually happened in an episode and you guys are talking and then all of a sudden from my mic it's just, (muffled gurgling)

Nay: Oh, because you're like clenching it? ...I saw a fascinating sex toy on Instagram yesterday where the butt plug has rotating metal beads up at the top so it feels like a rim job

Michael: Oh! that's fun

Nay: Isn't that amazing?

Mark: Wow

Brennan: (as Mrs. Danvers) "And this is where I kept Rebecca's rotating metal bead butt plug."

Nay: Yes!

Brennan: (as Mrs. Danvers) "Touch it."

Nay: Okay, Rebecca could have had...

Michael: (as Mrs. Danvers) "This is what we call a metal rotating butt plug break"

Brennan: (as Mrs. Danvers) "I polish it every night."

Nay: Rebecca could have had a fucking amazing whole fucking armoire of sex toys

Michael: Dilds?

Nay: Dilds. All of 'em

Mark: Look, it only would have made her more likeable

Nay: Yeah

Mark: Because Becky is not terribly likeable

Michael: So, Becky number two. In a lot of ways though, I was like Mark just touched on something. She is such a queer avatar 'cause in a lot of ways she's putting on an act that she thinks people want, the entire movie. And that is such a stand-in for what queer people do when they feel the need to protect themselves by not being out and such. So in a lot of ways, that's the queer factor of the movie for me, other than Mrs. Pinhead.

Mark: (as Mrs. Pinhead) "Feel her and beware!"

Michael: Oh, and the other thing I wanted to say-- oh my god

Mark: (as Mrs. Pinhead) "I have such sights to show you."

Michael: (as Mrs. Pinhead) "This is where her vagina was, through here." (normal voice) but the other interesting thing about that character too, is she's the only one who wears all black.

Nay: Yeah, my bitch. Hell yes

Mark: What do you think Mrs. Danvers is like on her off days?

Nay: She has none

Mark: I feel like when she goes back to her like, maid's quarters and takes off that dress, there's just another one underneath.

Nay: There is. There's a vinyl one underneath, actually. She's got on nipple clamps under there

Mark: Okay, all right

Michael: Fuck yeah

Mark: She's like (as Mrs. Danvers) "These were Mrs. de Winter's."

Nay: (as Mrs. Danvers) "These were Mrs. de Winter's"

Michael: She's got on like studded underwear

Nay: Yeah

Michael: Yeah. That's hot

Nay: You know, I, Rebecca is goals just a little bit. Like, I feel like I have this recurring fantasy where a rich man, you know, sweeps me away and I get this big-ass house and all of this shit to do stuff with and he doesn't even, I mean like, maybe he expects me to suck his dick every once in awhile, but for the most part he doesn't even care what I'm doing. I'm out here sleeping with my cousin, not necessarily part of my goals. I'm out here sleeping with my cousin

Mark: Asterisk. Footnote

Michael: Second cousin

Nay: I'm getting my fancy fucking nun lingerie sent over from wherever, you know? I feel like this movie is the reason that the first seedling of that fantasy for me back then

Michael: It is. Totally. She could have lived it up in there.

Nay: Yeah, it's like, tomorrow if I married Snoop Dogg, it's like Snoop Dogg can fuck who ever, I don't care. I'm still Snoop Dogg's wife and this is my big-ass Snoop Dogg house and I don't really care what unc is up to

Mark: You know who else I related to in the movie? Was the dog

Nay: Oh my God, that dog!

Mark: I know, he's so cute! But he also sometimes he's like, whenever someone is like, "Come here!" And he's like, "No."

Michael: Yeah, there's so many "Bitch please" looks on his face, I love it

Mark: Yeah, that dog is like, "Ugh, these people."

Michael: That dog would have 250,000 followers on Twitter if he was alive

Nay: Absolutely

Mark: You know Mrs. Danvers was totally into candle wax

Nay: Yes!

Michael: One hundred percent. And poppers

Nay: She is totally into wax. Duh!

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Episode 9: "It Me" (w/ Chris Landon!)

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Episode 11: "Different People Shower Differently"